


Seoul Running

by anginthebuilding



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: All of the 00 line are charming and adorable, Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety Attacks, Bad boy Changbin, Cool High School Kids Stray Kids, Exchange Student Lee Felix, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Jeongin and Chan are straight because someone has to be, Jeongin is everyone's baby, M/M, Slow Burn, but only for like 3 seconds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:34:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 65,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25059337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anginthebuilding/pseuds/anginthebuilding
Summary: In Lee Felix’s junior year of high school, he:a. Moves from a small town in rural Australia to Seoul, the largest city in South Koreab. Unintentionally makes a giant group of ragtag friendsc. Finds himself in an internet famous music crewd. And finally, falls in loveThis is the story of how.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 81
Kudos: 278





	1. Chapter 1

His last night in Australia, Felix doesn’t know how to feel. It’s a cool evening in August, and the breeze has picked up quite a bit as the sun sinks under the horizon. He’s sitting in his backyard on a patch of crunchy wild grass that had been yellowed from weeks without rain. The fenced yard is spacious, but not well maintained. The green paint is peeling from the wooden fence and the shrubbery is wild where it peeks through the gaps where planks are missing. Miles away from any nearby houses, in his father’s rundown bungalow, Felix can’t help but wonder what he’s gotten himself into. 

_I don’t think there’s much wild grass in Seoul,_ Felix sighs as his fingers doodle shapes in the dirt near his feet. _Maybe there aren’t that many backyards either._

He’s been to a city before, but never outside Australia. His father owns a small contracting business, the only one in their tiny farming town, which generates them just enough money for the two of them to live comfortably. They couldn’t afford to live in Sydney, but on occasion Felix rode with his father into the city to pick up construction materials. These trips were exclusive, short, something to be anticipated weeks in advance. The first time he ever saw Sydney, Felix had been awed by the busy streets in which he walked shoulder to shoulder with strangers, and the bright lights that lit up every building after dark. It was all so noisy and chaotic that it left Felix terrified.

But somehow, he still loved it.

He was a fish out of water in the city, accustomed to his small town with it’s empty, cracked sidewalks and mom and pops’ diners. He knows everyone’s name in his small corner of Australia. Felix doesn’t think he could name a single person in Seoul. Except for maybe a handful of kdrama actors, but that isn’t necessarily all that helpful. 

The chilly breeze rises goosebumps along Felix’s arms where they hang from his thin t-shirt, and he hugs his knees to his chest in an attempt to warm himself. It’s nearing the end of winter, but there is still a chill in the air that seems into Felix’s bones and sends a shiver down his spine. He’s never been very smart about dressing for the weather, but he can’t bring himself to return to the house where he knows his father is waiting. 

Felix isn’t necessarily afraid of being chewed out by his father, but more scared of the silence. His father isn’t a man of many words, but Felix can tell he’s disappointed. This year had been entirely planned out already. Felix was going to attend junior year at the local high school, and help out his father’s contracting business on the side. On the weekends he would lock himself in his room with a textbook always studying for the next exam, or ride his bike down the empty streets silently looking for some way to entertain himself. He would get good grades in school, and avoid eye contact with his father as they applied grout to the tiles of bathrooms in silence. 

It would have been fine. Boring and lonely, but fine. Felix could have survived junior year just fine.

Expect, maybe he couldn’t have. Maybe he was tired of the same old routine it had always been. Maybe if he had to do it again, maybe this year he couldn’t handle it. Felix hesitates to call this his “breaking point,” because that’s obviously too dramatic. Though as dramatic as it is, it’s not necessarily inaccurate. Felix doesn’t know whether or not his father had noticed his dread for the upcoming year, but either way he wouldn’t have done anything about it. 

So Felix worked his ass off, and got into a scholarship exchange program in Korea. The last half year had been packed with studying for the entrance exams and practicing to meet the language requirements. For the first time in a long time Felix had something to look forward to. Every second that he used to spend laying in bed idly playing video games was now occupied because Felix had _things to do._

Now finally the night before, suitcase packed, boarding passes printed out, and sitting in the backyard of their rundown bungalow, Felix doesn’t know if this is what he really wants. He can’t escape the feeling that all he is doing is running, and he doesn’t even know towards what. There isn’t anything waiting for him in Seoul, Felix knows that for sure. He has romanticized the cliches of walking to school with friends, visiting the convenience store after school, and many others, but there is no guarantee that he will find any of that in Korea. 

_Why out of all the places in the world, did I have to choose Seoul, more than 8,000 km from home?_ Felix can’t help but ask himself as he lets his head drop to rest on his bent knees. It’s a stupid question though, when Felix knows exactly why. 

→

As he steps through the threshold of the backdoor into the kitchen, he notices that his father is already there waiting for him. His face is highlighted by the warm glow of the overhead lamp, as well as shadowed by the newspaper spread that he holds to the light. While he looks preoccupied with his reading, Felix knows it’s for show. His father never did know how to approach him. 

“Ah son,” he greets Felix as he sets down his newspaper on the table and adjusts his reading glasses, “I suppose you’re headed to bed then?”

“Yeah. It’s uh, a big day tomorrow.” Felix replies, internally cringing by how awkward the phrase sounds aloud.

The silence hangs in the air heavy while neither of them make a move to speak. There was always so much unsaid between him and his father. Even when Felix had expressed his intentions to live in another country for an entire year, his father didn’t react much more than to grumble his approval. It was pointless, Felix had found, to wait for his father to speak. As he makes his move to the door, however, his father clears his throat.

“I don’t- you know I’m proud of you.” His father states stiffly.

Which Felix _didn’t_ know. His father says it with an airy of finality, like he says everything. He says it in an almost challenging way, like it’s something he’s always been proud to declare to the world. It throws Felix for a loop because he didn’t know that, not one bit, and he suddenly feels the telltale tightening in his throat that means he might cry. It would be humiliating to start sobbing in front of his father though, so he gathers himself high and holds their eye contact. 

He knows his father is nervous by how hard he is clenching his jaw, but his comment was said with such confidence that Felix can’t help but believe him. He has spent so much time worrying about whether or not he’ll know enough Korean to hold a conversation or if he’ll be able to keep up with the rigorous academics. In the midst of all that, Felix realizes that he never took a moment to wonder about what it might mean to leave his father. There’s a sudden moment when Felix wonders if his father might be _lonely._

Before he can read too much into it his father starts again, “I met her in Korea you know.”

His voice shakes with emotion, and for a second Felix can’t breathe. He has only seen his father cry once in his life, and these days it’s uncommon for him to show any strong emotion. Felix realizes that if his dad starts crying, he might not be able to gather the confidence to leave at all. 

“Yeah,” Felix replies cautiously, “I know dad.”

It looks like his father’s going to say something for a second. His eyes are a bit watery and he opens his mouth to speak, but then his demeanor suddenly changes. He sits up straighter in his creaky chair and picks up the newspaper from where it lays on the table. Felix pretends he doesn’t see his hands shake as he folds it. 

“Well you’ve better get to bed. Early morning tomorrow.” 

“Yeah,” Felix replies softly. He knows it’s a dismissal, but he feels frozen where he stands. It’s almost like he’s seen a new side of his father, one that he wasn't supposed to see. Felix wants to reach out, reassure him, but he doesn’t know how. All he can do is head towards his bedroom, and pretend he doesn’t see his father wipe wetness from his eyes behind his reading glasses as Felix leaves the room. 

Once Felix turns off his bedside lamp he can’t stop his thoughts from spiraling again. He’s never been great at stopping his head, always too many thoughts occurring at once and no time to sort through them all. He almost can’t rest, the combination of confusion and anxiety overwhelming, but soon his eyes are slipping shut and his breath evening with sleep.

→

Felix has never been on an airplane before. Cars, trains, even boats, sure. But an airplane is unexplored territory for him. That’s why when he finds himself strapped in the cramped airplane seat, his breath is heaving with anxiety. He knows that the chance of actually crashing is close to none, but it does nothing to calm his fears. 

As the airplane begins to move, Felix jolts violently in his seat. It’s not even close to leaving the ground, just starting to rumble down the runway, but Felix’s nerves won’t let him calm. He yanks the strap on his seatbelt until he can feel the fabric digging into his stomach and clutches the plastic armrests. His neighbor, a business man with greying hair in an expensive suit, gives him a concerned look but makes no move to ask if he’s doing alright.

It would be immature to claim that all of Felix’s anxieties have to do with his first plane ride. While he does have a healthy amount of concern regarding whether or not he will crash and die, thank you very much, there’s something else weighing on his mind as well. Back in his little town Felix wasn’t exactly considered _popular._ It wasn’t something that he necessarily struggled with considering that in such a small community the concept of popularity is pretty useless anyway. Really Felix doesn’t care about that stuff at all. Although it would have been nice to have a couple friends.

He wasn't entirely alone, he always had people he could chat to during class or text if he was sick and needed to get classwork. Further than that, however, Felix didn’t have much social contact. Weekends were spent alone, and once summer break started, it became glaringly obvious to him that all the friendly everyday conversations had come to a standstill.

As Felix wipes a finger through the condensation on his cup of water, he thinks that it must all really come down to his anxiety. Even an oblivious teenager like him can tell that his sweating palms and tight chest whenever he thinks about asking someone if they want to hang out aren’t natural. He knows that it’s disappointing to his dad, the fact that he’s not on the football team and doesn’t even have a solid group of friends. Hell, his dad would probably even prefer it if he was out drinking and partying every weekend as long as he had others to do it with. Felix supposes that it shows how much his dad cares, but all it really does is make his anxiety skyrocket. He has no idea how to approach people, and at this point it’s too late to start. 

It doesn’t help that Felix couldn’t be more different then the kids back home. While his dad is a second generation immigrant, many of the other families have been that town for ages. Most kids already know what their future holds, mostly because they don’t have much choice. They are going to become farmers, run the family store, become their parents. When Felix thinks about his dad’s contracting business, he feels like he’s drowning. Ever since middle school when he started helping out his dad on the weekends Felix knew that staying in Australia was not an option. The harsh truth was that if he had stayed, he would have never left. And yeah, maybe moving to another country for his entire junior year was a little extreme, but maybe Felix could use a little bit of adventure in his life.

It doesn’t stop Felix from being terrified, though. He can’t help but worry that Seoul will be nothing more than a repeat of Australia.

Felix’s biggest source of anxiety is the host family he will be staying with. Apparently they have a son named Jeongin who is 15, a year younger than him. Felix has never been great at communicating with kids his age, much less younger ones. He’s never met a single child that wasn’t completely terrifying. The idea of living with this kid for an entire year has Felix’s stomach twisting in knots. 

_What if he thinks I’m annoying? What if I embarrass myself and can’t understand what he’s saying? What if Jeongin thinks I’m lame because I don’t have any friends? I can’t have a kid younger than me think I’m lamer than him, even if I probably will be._

According to an email he had received a couple days prior, his host family will be waiting to pick him up at the airport once he lands. The flight is just about ten hours long, so Felix has plenty of time to consider all the ways he could screw this up. He knows it’s unhealthy, but he’s already spiraling. Felix thumps his head back against the headrest and squeezes his eyes shut. The airplane is speeding faster and faster down the runway, the engines roaring in his ears. There’s a sudden feeling of weightlessness, as the wheels leave the ground, and the plane is in the air. They’re inclining rapidly, making his ears pop, and every single one of Felix’s limbs feel heavy and clumsy. The sensation is so unlike anything he’s ever felt before, but when he looks around the cabin nobody seems to share the sentiment, all too engrossed in their own business to notice. 

_So this is what it feels like to fly._

→

Getting off the plane at Incheon International Airport is one of the most overwhelming experiences of Felix’s life to date. Everyone seems to know exactly where they are going, large swaths of people coming from every direction surround him, and he can’t help but feel like he’s in the middle of a stampede. Distantly Felix knows that he must look like an idiot standing stationary in the middle of the pathway, but he needs to take a moment to catch up with the world around him. 

Everything seems so _fast,_ the bustle of city life already so starkly different from his slow little Australian town. While his surroundings feel chaotic and oppressive in their busy nature, Felix also feels an overwhelming sensation of freedom spread through his bones. It took months of working his ass off and thousands of miles, but Felix feels like he can finally take a breath of fresh air (despite the irony of how smoggy it is here in the city.)

Even with the turmoil of his surroundings, Felix is still surprised when his phone chirps at him indicating a new message. He feels his stomach twist again when he sees that it’s from the number that he had saved as “future host mom?” a couple days prior. 

> **future host mom? (7:42 pm)**
> 
> Hello Felix, we’ll be waiting by the south entrance. Can’t wait to meet you!

It seems like a nice enough first message to receive, but it still leaves Felix on high alert. He’s already wasted enough time staring at the shiny Seoul airport however, and he can’t help but be a little excited to see what’s next. Once he has gathered himself mentally, taking a couple deep breaths to calm himself within the crowds, he starts heading towards the baggage claim. It’s hard to travel efficiently through the busy airport at first, but soon Felix gets into the rhythm of politely shouldering through the throng. He is surprised to see what feels like miles of nearly all dark hair, being usually accustomed to blonde Australian locks bleached by the sun. _I feel like a real city kid,_ Felix thinks to himself as he skids down the glossy white floors, before the tips of his ears burn with embarrassment. _You’ve been here for ten minutes tops, Felix. Chill Out._

After a couple wrong turns, almost losing his backpack twice, and accidentally picking up the wrong luggage before finding his own, he finds himself by the south entrance where his host family should be waiting. He fiddles with the purple ribbon tied around the handle of his suitcase as he surveys the crowds. It’s the first time Felix is experiencing the Seoul weather, and he is surprised to find it hot and humid while it’s autumn in Australia, especially within the warm crowds of people. He is almost worried when his eyes don’t find the family immediately, until he catches sight of a sign in the crowd with his name scrawled in clumsy english, his korean name also written smaller underneath. 

He takes a deep breath and heads over. The Yang family are standing at the curb in front of a large SUV, identical blinding smiles on their faces. Felix is surprised to see not only his new host parents, but also their son Jeongin have come to pick him up. As he approaches the three of them his host mom rushes forward, and for a second he thinks she’s going to hug him. She bows and smiles at him warmly, her face so kind and open that Felix can’t help but smile back. 

“Hello Felix! I’ll be your host mother for this year, you can call me Mrs. Yang.” He is unsurprised to hear how melodic her voice is, a perfect match for her joyful face. Her entire demeanor is so calming that Felix feels some of the tension drain out of his shoulders. 

He is broken out of his thoughts as the man steps forward as well. “And I’m your host father, but you can call Mr. Yang.” 

His host father looks similarly friendly, his face crinkled with smile lines. They bow to each other as well in greeting, something that Felix had always thought looked so awkward when he had seen it in movies, but came surprisingly natural in real life. Lastly, Jeongin bounces forward.

The younger boy has wavy black hair that frames an angular face, and a blinding grin which turns his eyes into slits. The family resemblance is evident in his sharp bone structure and wide smile. Felix finds himself immediately and inexplicably fond of his faint dimples. 

“Hello! My name is Jeongin. I’m gonna be your brother for the next year!” Jeongin giggles as he reaches out a hand, which Felix doesn’t really know what to do with as it seems that Jeongin doesn’t want him to shake it. He reaches out his as well though, and Jeongin seems happy enough to bump their fists together himself. 

The first words of Korean that Felix ever learned to speak was how to introduce himself, but he still feels jittery when it comes time to actually speak the words. He realizes that outside of practicing a couple times in the mirror, he’s never actually said the words aloud. His mouth feels dry and he’s terrified that the words will stick to the inside of his mouth like taffy, refusing to come out. The Yang family is staring at him though, so he carefully replies, “Hello, my name is Felix.”

“So nice to meet you Felix! Come get in the car, let’s head home quickly. I’m sure you’re intimidated by all these crowds,” Mrs. Yang suggests with another smile, before turning to his Mr. Yang and exclaiming, “What are you waiting for? Let’s load up his bags!”

Felix finds himself almost overwhelmed by the sunny disposition they seem to all have. He shoots them a weak smile before climbing into the backseat, Jeongin following him. Once they’ve all sat down and are pulling away from the curb, Jeongin turns to him abruptly. 

“So your name is Felix?” 

Felix nods warily, a little surprised by the excitement in Jeongin’s tone. 

“That’s so cool, I’ve heard of someone named Felix before.” Jeongin states in awe.

Felix knows that his english name isn’t necessarily common in Korea, but he’s still somewhat shocked. “Seriously? You’ve never heard of, like, Felix the cat or anything?”

Jeongin’s eyes widen in shock. “No, what’s that?”

Felix struggles for a second to find the words in Korean. He can’t help but feel like a little kid thrown into the deep end of a swimming pool. It’s undoubtedly stressful trying to form these foreign sentences, but at the same time sort of fun. It’s exhilarating trying to keep up the conversation and translate what’s being said in real time, instead of just practicing with the relentless duolingo owl. 

“It’s this cartoon character- a cat- back from the silent films time. He’s this little animated character.” Felix explains. 

“That’s so cool,” Jeongin repeats again, his eyes still wide, “Could you show the movies to me? Please, that would be so cool.”

Felix can’t help but laugh at Jeongin’s eagerness. “Sure, sounds like fun.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Jeongin replies, a smile creasing his face again. After they finish crossing a long bridge, his train of thought seems to change abruptly as he continues, “Don’t worry, it’s not too long of a drive from here. Eomma says we live in the perfect place ‘cause it’s still in the middle of everything but not too close to the airport and such ‘cause that would be really busy. But I know pretty much everything around here, I could totally show you if you wanted. On the corner there is this super good tteokbokki restaurant, and then on the next block is my friends’ favorite karaoke place. Karaoke is- well i'm sure you know what that is. But we go there all the time on weekends.”

Jeongin continues to ramble on aimlessly about the neighborhood, and Felix can’t help but get caught up in his childlike excitement. He doesn't understand every single word that he says, but Felix is able to piece together what he knows to understand Jeongin’s enthusiasm. Jeongin is true to his word, he seems to know the area like the back of his hand, and it’s enough to get Felix sort of excited. His presence fills the entire car, and Felix can see his host parents smiling fondly at their son in the rear view mirror as he jabs his fingers at the glass of the window, pointing out various locations. Felix feels like he’s suddenly been catapulted into the middle of a family so opposite from his own that it’s giving him whiplash. 

To Jeongin’s credit, there’s a lot to be in awe of. The streets of Seoul aren’t all packed with people and walled in by gigantic skyscrapers, but Felix is still surprised by how concentrated the city is. Everything is so bright, charismatic logos pop from signs plastered on the outside of every many-storied building. Each street has what looks like webs of allies stemming out from each intersection, with more little shops and restaurants to be discovered. The streets are wide, and so busy with traffic that it takes Felix a moment to stop and think back to the last time he saw so many people in one place back in Australia. 

Joengin turns to him abruptly after finishing his detailed review of a local boba shop. “So you’re from Australia, right?”

“Uh, yes.”

“Does that mean you know how to surf then?” Jeongin asks enthusiastically. 

Felix cringes, already knowing the answer will disappoint the younger boy. “No. Well, I’ve tried. But I’m not very good at it.”

“That’s okay,” Jeongin replies instantly, “I don’t know how to either. Maybe we can learn together some day.”

Felix doesn’t have the heart to mention that it’s a little more acceptable for the city boy to have limited surfing knowledge then it is for Felix, an Australian resident. He also wonders where they’ll possibly learn to surf in the middle of a landlocked urban city, but he lets that slide as well. 

The evening in Seoul is beautiful. The red shine from hundreds of tail lights cast a warm glow over the city as they skip from one streetlamp to another in the SUV. The sight warms Felix, and not for the first time he feels an inexplicable sense of belonging. 

Soon the family is pulling into the garage of a small apartment building, a little rundown but definitely homey. Felix eyes the brick exterior and large windows, anxious to see the interior. Felix realizes with a start that this is going to be his home for the next year. He’s never lived away from home before, but there’s no reason why this wouldn’t be a good place to start. It’s bizarre when he thinks about it, he’s never been away from home for more than a week and now he’s staying in an entirely different country. He almost pinches himself as they haul his bags out of the trunk and head towards the front door. The family enters, and Felix almost forgets to take off his shoes at the entrance until he notices everyone else has put on a pair of slippers. _So this is what culture shock must feel like,_ Felix wonders as he toes off his converse. 

Once his foster parents are sure that everything has been cleared from the car, Mrs. Yang ushers them to bed. She equips him with a toothbrush and a towel, and asks Jeongin to show Felix to his room. Down a narrow hallway is the room where Felix will be staying, which according to Mrs. Yang, used to be an old storage room before they converted it. 

“This is your room! This is my old bed, and oh! I guess these sheets are also my old ones too. I hope you don’t mind, everything’s been cleaned.” Jeongin chatters sheepishly as he shuts the door behind them.

Felix looks around the room, to find it nearly empty save for a wooden bed frame with a mattress and navy sheets, as well as a small dresser. He is immediately excited by the large window next to his bed, which shows off a view of the neighboring buildings and a small local park. The room is about the same size as his old one at home, but lacks some of the personalized knick knacks and junk that make it his own.

Jeongin seems to know exactly what he’s thinking, because he follows up with, “I know it’s pretty plain, but we figured you could dress it up a bit with the stuff you get around Seoul.”

Felix is instantly touched, and he feels his fondness for Jeongin grow yet again. This kid’s gotta be the most thoughtful person he’s ever met under the age of 18. Felix sets down his suitcase next to the dresser, too lazy to properly unpack, and flops down on the bed. The mattress curves under his weight in a way that only a well-worn bed will do. Felix can’t help but smile as he looks around the room. _New Home._

“Thank you Jeongin, it’s perfect.”

The younger boy instantly beams, just as Felix figured he would. “Great! Well I’ll let you get to bed then, it’s kind late.” Felix has to stop himself from pointing out that 9pm is hardly the middle of the night. 

Jeongin turns for the door and grabs the handle, but instead of leaving he spins around to face Felix once more. “Your cheeks are really pretty hyung. What are those called in english?”

Felix has never been called hyung before, so it takes a second for him to realize who Jeongin is referring to. It’s surprising, but also comforting in a way, and Felix decides he could get used to it. 

“My cheeks?” Felix takes a moment to think. He doesn’t know what Jeongin could possibly be referring to. “Oh, do you mean my freckles?” 

The english word feels surprisingly foreign in his mouth after speaking in Korean for the last couple hours. 

“Freckles…” Jeongin repeats to himself softly, a smile spreading across his face. “Cool. Goodnight hyung!” He’s out the door before Felix can even blink. 

He chuckles before flopping back on the bed, staring up at the stark white ceiling. The entire day had been, quite predictably, a whirlwind. Sitting in his empty room, Felix feels his first moment of calm to occur all day. Despite the commotion, Felix notices that his anxiety from last night has begun to dissipate. Many of his previous worries are turning out to be much simpler than he initially thought, and it leaves him wondering when the ball will drop. Before he can spiral, Felix reminds himself to be less negative. This is the first day of the most amazing adventure Felix has ever been on. It feels a little childish to refer to it that way, but Felix doesn’t think that there’s truly a better word for it. He doesn’t know what tomorrow will hold, but he recognizes the light feeling in his chest is optimism, something he hasn’t experienced in ages. 

_Yeah, so maybe I am running. But maybe this is the place to find what I’m running towards._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! now we all know I'm not the first person to create an ao3 account during quarantine, but well, here we are. i haven't written many works like this before, so I really hope everyone likes it! i'm a little hesitant about this, so if you enjoyed it and would be willing to leave a comment so that i know people would like me to continue it, that would be super appreciated :)
> 
> another thing! i don't live in Australia or Korea so if you notice any inaccuracies in my writing feel free to point them out and i'll definitely fix them. I don't know how the school year and such works in either of those countries so I'm really just going off of the front page of google.
> 
> anyway i hope everyone likes Felix's character so far. i'm fully aware that this whole concept is very "Wattpad self-insert fanfic but make it Lee Felix," but i don't hate it? i'm really excited to introduce the rest of the characters, and if you guys have any ideas on how i should do that i'd love to incorporate them. i'll see you all next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes, Felix has bad days.

He wakes up and nothing feels right, like maybe while he was sleeping the earth suddenly turned on its axis. He feels sensitive, the sheets corse on his skin and the sun shining a bit too bright from the window next to his bed. He wants so desperately to turn back over in bed, pull the blanket over his head and shut out the world. 

It feels like just yesterday he was working on a gigantic puzzle, hundreds of pieces clicked carefully into place so close to being completed. Now he’s woken up and there’s a piece missing, right in the center. And although he searches all over, he can’t find that piece. This morning it feels like there’s _something_ missing but he just can’t find it. Sometimes Felix has mornings like this. 

For a second, Felix lets himself imagine that he could just fade into the soft mattress and never come out. Become one with the lumpy cotton so that he doesn’t have to acknowledge what day it is. It’s Sunday. August 24th. School starts on the 25th. 

It isn’t the first time in his life that Felix has dreaded going to school. It might be the first time he’s dreaded in so passionately, though. Felix’s confidence from the day before is waning. Yeah sure, Jeongin was nice to him, but maybe that’s just ‘cause he’s a kid. There’s no telling what the kids at school will be like, whether they’ll like him or just choose to ignore him. Or even worse, maybe they’ll hate him.

And suddenly, Felix is spiralling once again. It’s hard to stop himself during these Very Bad Days, where everything is suddenly a catastrophe. He’s scared that if he leaves the warmth of his bed and joins the rest of the Yangs in the kitchen, that they might be disgusted with him. Maybe they’ll realize that he’s actually terrible at speaking Korean and a terrible foster son. Maybe they’ve already realized all those things, but they were just pretending not to notice last night to be polite.

Despite his thundering anxieties, Felix still prides himself in being rational. He _knows_ that the Yangs weren’t pretending to tolerate him last night, _knows_ that they don’t hate him. They’ve been nothing but nice to him so far, and Felix feels a wave of guilt for assuming they could ever think those things about him. It’s hard sometimes though, to differentiate between reality and the anxieties of his mind.

Most of all, Felix is disappointed in himself. He hates that his very first day in Korea had to start off so sourly. He knows that on these bad days he can be stuck in a funk for hours, trapped in the confines of his own head and worrying about every single thing possible. Felix realizes with a passion that he hasn't felt in a while, that he doesn’t want this to be one of these days. He _can’t_ mess up his first day in Korea like this.

So Felix gets out of bed. He’s still oversensitive, the hardwood floors too solid under his feet and the chatter of people outside too overwhelming. Despite this, Felix is able to tentatively open his bedroom door and pad down the hallway to the kitchen. 

In the light of the morning, Felix can see that the apartment is a lot smaller then he initially thought. The cramped space just makes it all the more cozy, with it’s light color scheme and open floor plan. Although it’s neat, pieces of personality are scattered all over the room, in the colorful mugs on the countertop or the pattern of the throw blanket tossed over the arm of the couch. Felix is surprised to find himself so at ease, being someone who is usually anxious in new spaces. 

After a quick scan of the room, Felix finds Jeongin sitting on a wooden barstool at the kitchen counter, hunched over a bowl of cereal. When he notices Felix, he pats the stool next to him and chortles, “Hyung!” through a mouth of cheerios. 

“Hey Jeongin-ah,” Felix replies, taking Jeongin’s offer to sit beside him at the counter. 

He wants to smile at the younger boy, but his mouth feels too stiff, his body too shaky. He knows it’s nothing more than a symptom of his Very Bad Day, but he wishes he could replicate Jeongin’s wide grin. Jeongin doesn’t seem to mind Felix’s lack of enthusiasm, as he lifts another heaping spoonful of cereal to his mouth, milk dripping back into the bowl.

“Oh good morning Felix!” Mrs. Yang says as she turns around from where she had been drying dishes by the sink. “Did you sleep well?”

She has a stained apron tied around her waist, and is wearing pink dishwashing gloves a couple sizes too large for her hands. It’s such a domestic sight that it surprises Felix for a second before he remembers to nod in agreement. Felix is scared to speak, worried that if he opens his mouth that all his anxiety will spill out like uncorking a bottle. The tight clamp of his lips feel like a dam, and he doesn’t have enough confidence to part them. 

Before he can worry, Jeongin speaks up. “Eomma, I’m going out with some friends, I’ll be back later!”

Mrs. Yang turns to her son with a playful grin. “And who might these friends be?”

“Hyunjin, Jisung, and Seungmin,” Jeongin replies, rolling his eyes, “the same people I always hang out with.”

“Where will you four be going?” Mrs. Yang asks skeptically.

“To the internet cafe near Seungminie-hyungs place. C’mon eomma, we’ve been planning this since last weekend, you have to let me go.” Jeongin whines as he stands up to drop his bowl in the sink.

“And why didn’t I hear about this last weekend?” Mrs. Yang replies, hands set firmly on her lips as Jeongin squeezes past her in the small kitchen to wipe his hands in a brightly patterned dish towel.

Jeongin turns to her, a look of outrage on his face, but before he can protest Mrs. Yang throws back her head in laughter. “I’m just kidding honey, of course you can go. Just make sure to be back before dinner, we’re having meat tonight.”

Jeongin pouts in response, but reluctantly mumbles, “Sure eomma.”

Felix watches as he skips to the door and hauls a bulging backpack over his shoulder. Jeongin seems to have an endless amount of energy, his reactions always large and animated. Felix feels a sudden pang of jealousy for the younger boy’s optimism. Why couldn’t Felix be like that? 

“Ah hyung!” Jeongin suddenly cries, spinning around to face Felix, “I wanted to ask if you would like to come? It’s a ton of fun, we usually just sit around and eat snacks and play videogames. Plus if that’s not your thing, the cafe also has tons of comic books. All my friends are in 2nd year too, so they’re all your age, it wouldn’t be weird or anything!” 

Videogames and comic books sound like Felix’s perfect afternoon. He’s heard about Korean internet cafes, and he was really excited to go see one. Jeongin’s staring at him with wide eyes, and Felix feels immensely guilty replying, “Um, not today I don’t think. But thanks for the offer.”

Jeongin good naturedly assures him that it’s fine, but Felix can see that he’s disappointed as he tugs on his sneakers and heads for the door. It’s not that Felix doesn’t want to join him, it’s just that the idea of social interaction feels so overwhelming today. It already took Felix so much energy to force himself to leave his room, when all he felt doing was curling up into a little ball alone. _It wouldn’t have been good to go,_ Felix decides. _I wouldn’t have been good company._

It doesn’t stop him from staring down at the countertop in front of him, face twisting with guilt. He’s distracted by his thoughts until Mrs. Yang slides a small plate in front of him carrying a piece of toast slathered in jam.

“I- thank you.” Felix replies, startled. 

He looks up to see Mrs. Yang smiling as she rests her elbows on the counter. “Of course.”

Felix takes a tentative bite, to find the toast still warm and the jam flavorful. Mrs. Yang clears her throat and continues to tidy the kitchen. Felix watches as she picks up a small spray bottle and mists a couple plants that sit in tiny terracotta pots on the windowsill. _Philodendrons_ , Felix thinks, identifying them from the plants that his dad had pointed out to him while on contracting jobs. 

“Jeongin’s father is out running some errands, but I’m not very busy today. What do you say that we head out to pick up your uniform? You’ll get your blazer tomorrow, but it doesn’t hurt to own a couple extra white shirts.”

Felix can’t see Mrs. Yang’s face as she faces the windowsill still misting the plants, but he can hear the kindness in her voice. _Maybe she’s more observant than I thought_ , Felix thinks. The trip seems to obviously be a tactic to get him out of the house.

Planned or not, however, Felix does need to pick up some clothes for his uniform. He supposes that he would be fine for a couple days with what he already has packed, but his foster mom seems so hopeful that he can’t turn her down. It’s not like he’ll encounter any kids his age or anything. What’s the worst that could happen?

“Sure, that sounds good.” Felix replies meekly. If Mrs. Yang notices the hesitancy in his voice, she doesn’t comment on it.

She turns around abruptly, a wide smile on her face that looks startlingly like Jeongin’s, and wipes her hands on her apron.

“Perfect! Well you finish up your toast, wash up, and then we’ll get going.” 

Felix smiles in response before awkwardly ducking his head. After Mrs. Yang strides out of the kitchen, Felix has to stop himself from thumping his head down on the table. _Don’t worry,_ Felix tries to tell himself, _it’ll be fun._

Even his internal monologue doesn’t believe him this time.

→

90 minutes later and two overflowing shopping bags, Felix finds himself sitting with his foster mother in the food court of a gigantic mall.

It’s not Felix’s first time in a large shopping complex, but certainly his first time in one so humongous. He can’t help but be mystified by the sprawling expanses of shops, each with a unique and captivating display. Everything is bright colors and flashing designs in a way that Felix had never seen in Australia. The weekend crowds fill the entire complex so packed that he feels like he’s back at the airport as he tries to duck through the crowds. The bright fluorescent lights, colorful storefronts, and crowds intimidated Felix at first, especially with his lingering anxiety from the morning. 

Mrs. Yang turned out to be his savior, however, as she efficiently scoots them through the crowds, knowing exactly how to get to their final destination. They had shopped through three stores already, picking up white shirts and smart slacks for Felix’s uniform. The wide stretches of clothing racks could give an aneurysm to anyone typically indecisive, but Mrs. Yang seemed to be a veteran of shopping for school clothes. Even in the middle of one of the most unfamiliar settings Felix had ever experienced, her presence proved to be very calming. Towards the end of their trip Felix found himself even enjoying the excursion. He could still feel the effects of his Very Bad Day weighing on his mind, but he was able to gather some enthusiasm for his first time in a Seoul mall. This was the kind of novelty that Felix had been hoping for when he had planned this trip to Seoul. Felix could almost convince himself that this was the first of many adventures he would be going on, although school shopping didn’t seem all that thrilling. Though shopping with Mrs. Yang did end up to be slightly out of the norm. Despite his protests, Felix ended up with a new sturdy coat and a pair of mittens for winter per his foster mother’s protest. Felix felt himself overwhelmed by her kindness as she bought him a Doramon pencil case he had been eyeing with the excuse of “Well you can never have _too_ much school supplies!”

Bobbing from one busy shop to the next for an hour and a half had left the pair exhausted, hence why they were now slumped in the metal chairs of the food court. Felix rested the toes of his sneakers on the smooth linoleum floor, groaning at how his feet ached. Even a veteran shopper like Mrs. Yang seemed to be overwhelmed by the trip. Once they had arrived at the table, she had dramatically sat down with a humph leaving the two shopping bags to sprawl on the ground, and exclaimed that her shopping skills had been humbled. As they rested the two began to chat, Felix gaining more confidence despite his unfamiliar surroundings. 

“But what do you think I should go by? I’m not really used to Yongbok but wouldn’t it be weird for everyone to call me Felix?” Felix asks anxiously, slumping over the table.

“Felix sweetie, I think you might be worrying too much.” Mrs. Yang replies with a good natured laugh. 

She had brought up the topic of school cautiously, knowing that Felix would be anxious about the big day, but she was soon able to coax a conversation out of the nervous boy. Felix found himself startled by how quickly he was able to feel comfortable in her presence, and secure to open up about his insecurities. It felt so freeing to finally complain about many of the worries that had been plaguing him for the last year. Felix kept expecting Mrs. Yang to tell him to “suck it up and be mature about it” but she seemed content to let him ramble on.

It was another stark difference between his home in Australia and Seoul. Besides a couple of teachers that Felix had been close with, there had never really been this kind of mother figure for him. Mother figure was a big statement, but the best way to describe how nurturing she had already been to Felix. And yes, it was just the first day, but Felix could see the similarities between how Mrs. Yang treated him and Jeongin. She had been as kind as Felix could have ever hoped, constantly supportive and doting. She was even already calling him sweetie! Felix doesn’t think he can remember the last time someone called him sweetie. 

“Maybe I am worrying a bit too much,” Felix groans, burying his face into his outstretched forearms, “but I’m _sure_ that there are tons of really important things that I _should_ be worrying about.” 

Mrs. Yang smiles, and leans back in her chair. “No one’s saying you can’t worry, honey, I’m just not sure your name is one of those really important things.” 

Felix grumbles and sits up just to slump back in his chair. “Just wait. Nobody’s gonna be able to pronounce it and I’m going to look stupid.”

“Yes, I’m sure you’ll be able to prove me wrong,” his foster mom agrees amicably, reaching over to fix a lock of Felix’s hair that’s standing up straight. 

Their silence is broken when Mrs. Yang’s phone rings loudly, the sound muffled by the piles of shopping bags. She digs out the device, and frowns when she reads the caller ID.

“So sorry Felix, I really have to take this. Will you be okay on your own for a minute?” 

Felix nods and smiles, trying to look reassuring despite his anxieties. Left alone in this gigantic shopping complex surrounded by strange people he’s never met before? No thanks. But Mrs. Yang has been so nice to him today that of course Felix has to agree. How lame would it be for him to say “No, sorry, I get super anxious in front of new people so I need you to babysit me all day.” 

Super lame.

So he nods and smiles and Mrs. Yang darts off mouthing a “thank you” while covering the microphone with her hand. Felix wants to stay calm and collected but his overwhelming surroundings make it very difficult. Without Mrs. Yang as a distraction, the mall and all its inhabitants suddenly look scary. The residual anxiety as an aftermath of that morning is still lingering in his head, which does nothing to help his state. The food court is crowded, and no matter how much he tries to stare at his lap, he keeps catching the eyes of strangers. 

He knows realistically that nobody actually cares, and they’re probably all just minding their own business. He still has these intrusive thoughts though, trying to convince him that everyone can tell he’s a foreigner and they all think he’s weird, maybe that he doesn’t belong. It’s only been a couple minutes since Mrs. Yang has left, but he’s already sweating. Once again the lights feel too bright and colorful storefronts are overwhelming. Felix's skin feels itchy and oversensitive in his oversized hoodie. Everyone is so _loud_ , families laughing over tables of food and students goofing off their last day before school starts. Felix tries to take a couple deep breaths as he feels his anxiety spiking, but they catch in his chest.

He thumps a hand on his chest, trying to get himself to breathe properly, but his chest is starting to heave shallowly. Felix looks up to see a table of kids his age all dressed in trendy outfits, and they all seem to be staring right back at him. A girl leans over to her friend to whisper something in his ear, before they both turn to look at Felix. _Oh god oh god,_ Felix chants in his head. _They can tell I don’t belong here, I probably look so stupid!_

His chest tightens almost painfully, and it’s almost like there’s a belt tied around his sternum obstructing his airflow. He feels like every laugh from a neighboring table must be about him, of course everyone here would be making fun of him. Rational Felix knows that this makes no sense but in his anxious state he can’t see past his insecurities. Each whisper from the table feels like an open flame being held to his skin, so he does the only thing he can think of, and runs.

Felix stands up with a clatter, not minding as one of the shopping bags tips over, its contents spilling out. He heads swiftly for the restroom that he knows is a couple shops away, trying to avoid the eyes of the other shoppers. Once inside, Felix locks himself in the handicapped stall, and rests his forehead on the cool tile wall. 

His chest is still heaving with unsteady breaths and Felix can feel the sweat dripping from his brow. The wall grounds him, the cold seeping into his skin, and he feels his teeth unclench. It’s okay, he’s safe. The restroom is cool and quiet and far away from all the strangers with the prying eyes. Felix thumps his forehead once more against the wall to clear his thoughts as his fingers slip on the tiles. 

But as soon as Felix calms, the panic kicks in once again. What is he even doing? Everyone saw him run through a public mall like he was on fire! There were probably kids from his school there, and now they’ll just know him as the weird kid who started hyperventilating in the food court. If Felix can’t survive sitting alone at a table for a couple minutes, how is he ever going to survive high school in Korea? 

_Such a dumbass_ , Felix thinks to himself, as he spins around to slide down the wall and curl into a ball next to the toilet. He hasn’t noticed his breathing become labored again, as his hands come up to clutch his hair at its roots. The tight grip hurts, and he’s sore from the hard tile floor, but he can’t even notice his discomfort. Maybe it’s better that Felix found out he’s such a disappointment now. At least he knows before he can disappoint even more people. 

Like his foster mother. Mrs. Yang must be so angry at him for running off! He just left all the shopping bags on the table where anyone could grab them. _She’s going to be worried sick wondering where I am and then when she finds out she’s going to be so disappointed in me. She’s going to be so angry that she gave up her entire day just to take me shopping and I messed up the whole thing. She’s going to see what a disappointment I am and how I always-_

“You okay in there buddy?” A deep voice breaks his thoughts.

Felix realizes that it’s coming from the other side of the stall door, a pair of beat up converse peeking out from underneath. He clamps his mouth shut, chest heaving. Felix hadn’t realized how much noise he had been making in his state of panic. He tries to open his mouth to assure the stranger that he’s doing alright, but only a sob comes out. Felix squeezes his eyes shut in embarrassment, hoping the man on the other side of the door will leave. 

“You sound pretty not okay, man. I’m gonna-I’m gonna come inside, okay?” 

Felix doesn’t even have a chance to make a sound of protest before the stranger has reached through the crack in the stall and unlocked it from the outside. The door swings open to reveal a sturdy guy who must be about Felix’s same height. As Felix takes in his face, he can see through his panic that the stranger has golden brown hair that curls over his forehead and a friendly face with a sharp jawline. He shuts the door behind them without locking it, and quickly drops to a knee beside Felix. 

Felix can see deep dimples form in his cheeks when his face creases with worry as he begins to speak to Felix in a soothing tone. Felix is in such an anxious state that he can barely recognize the Korean words coming out of the strangers mouth, much less translate them. He feels like he should be able to understand but he’s completely lost, and the thought just makes him sob harder. Felix shakes his head violently, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Okay, okay maybe no Korean,” the stranger stresses, “Okay maybe, _English? Does this work?”_

At the sound of the familiar language Felix’s head darts up so quickly that he almost bangs it on the wall. The strangers eyes widen in recognition and he continues. 

_“Okay great! English works. I saw you running to the restroom, man. I think you’re having an anxiety attack.”_

Felix’s chest is still wracked with labored breaths that he can’t seem to calm but he can still give the stranger his best “no shit” glare _._

 _“Yeah, yeah, maybe that bit’s a little obvious,”_ the stranger chuckles, “ _Now here, give me your hand.”_

Felix doesn’t feel much like moving, in fact his entire body feels frozen stiff, but the guy doesn’t hesitate to grab one of Felix’s trembling hands and guide it to his own chest. 

_“Okay now breathe in and out with my breath. In- one, two, three, four. Hold- one, two, three, four. And out- one, two, three, four...”_

The stranger’s warm chest is a comforting contrast from the chilly restroom, and Felix can feel his own breath slow with the steady rhythm of the stranger’s. The guy’s heart is beating at a slow comforting pace, and the sound slowly becomes louder than Felix’s heaving. 

_“You’re doing great buddy, what’s your name?_ ” the stranger asks, fixing his face with a kind smile.

“F-Felix.” Felix hiccups in response. 

Now that he’s calmer he can recognize the stranger's accent as Australian like his own. The familiar lilt to his words calms an anxiety deep inside Felix, and he unclenches his other hand from where it was twisted in the fabric of his hoodie. His chest still trembles with each exhale, but Felix’s panic has fled as quickly as it started, leaving him feeling hollow and shaken. 

_“Hi Felix, you can call me Chris. I’m from Sydney but I moved here with my parents a couple years ago. How about you?”_

It seems like an oddly formal greeting to come from a kid his age, especially while Felix is hyperventilating on a restroom floor. But Felix can see it for what it is, a nice way of asking ‘why don’t you know Korean?’

 _“I’m from Australia too, out in the country. I’m a foreign exchange student, just got here yesterday.”_ Felix mumbles, the words uttered so quietly that he’s surprised Chris can even hear him. 

_“Another Aussie! Ah no wonder, of course you’re anxious on your second day. I was like this too when I first came.”_ Chris replies, his eyes turning into crescents with a wide grin. 

_“Really?”_ Felix can’t help the disbelief in his voice as his head shoots up to meet Chris’ eyes. 

_“Yup. The worst was when I freaked out ‘cause of all the crowds in the middle of Hongdae and had to call my dad to pick me up. I was out with some friends pretty late and he was already asleep so he got_ super _pissed off.”_

Felix laughs quietly at the animated way Chris tells his story, although instead of humor he mostly feels relieved. The simple knowledge that he’s not alone in his fear is super comforting. Felix doesn’t feel like such a weirdo anymore, even as he sits curled next to a rancid toilet bowl in a mall restroom. 

Chris chuckles a bit at his own story, and then they both lapse into silence. It’s not an uncomfortable silence though, the other boy’s presence is naturally calming to Felix and his breath has begun to slow. He pulls his hand away awkwardly from Chris' chest, and pulls the sleeves of his hoodie down over his hands. 

_“So how did you know how to, you know...”_

_“Calm you down?”_ Chris asks. Felix was going to go with something closer to ‘stop me from choking on my own spit while hyperventilating and passing out,’ but he supposes that works too. 

_“My kid sister has some anxiety issues, so I learned some tricks to help her if she ever has an attack. She lives back in Sydney.”_ Chris continues, his eyes seeming to light up at the mention of his sister. 

_“That must be hard,”_ Felix empathizes. If he had a sibling he doesn’t think he could survive with them living in a whole different country. 

_“Eh,”_ Chris shrugs, _“I’m used to it.”_ His voice is still steady but Felix can see that his smile has dimmed a little bit. 

The silence is awkward for a second, before Chris climbs to his feet, and claps his hands on his thighs. 

_“Well! You ready to get back out there?”_ He sounds so much like a stereotypical dad that Felix has to laugh. Even despite the stress of the entire day, he can find a little delight imagining Chris as a tourist dad in a Hawiian shirt. 

His joy is short lived, however, as he remembers what’s out there waiting for him. Spilled shopping bags, an entire food court full of people who saw him run, and most importantly, his foster mother. _Mrs. Yang is still probably going to be super angry._

 _“C‘mon kid, no time like the present.”_ Chris states with a grin, grabbing Felix’s hand and hauling him to his feet with the same startling confidence that he unlocked the restroom door.

The walk of shame from the restroom back to the food court is enough to get Felix’s nerves rising again. He scans the crowd trying to find Mrs. Yang, but at the same time, Felix is scared to meet her eyes. He has half a mind to spin around and head back towards his chilly hiding palace, but Chris is half a step behind him, his warmth reminding Felix to keep on walking. 

Finally he spots her at the table, looking around frantically with her cell phone still pressed to her ear. Her eyes widen almost comically when she sees Felix, and she raises a hand from where she was running it through her hair to wave him over energetically. 

“Sweetie where were you? I was so worried, I thought-” She exclaims when he reaches her, leaning over to grasp his forearms in a tight grip. 

“Just in the bathroom, Mrs. Yang.” Felix replies quickly. He knows his smile is a bit tight, but if Mrs. Yang notices it, she doesn’t comment. She mostly just looks relieved, and slightly frazzled in the aftermath of trying to find him in the busy mall. 

“Yes of course, the bathroom,” she signs, running a hand down her face, “Yes. Well, for a second I thought- well I don’t know what I thought. But wouldn’t it be just a disaster to lose our foreign exchange student on the first day?”

It takes Felix a second to reply, still drained from the stress of earlier, and Mrs. Yang takes his silence as shock. “No I’m sorry honey, that was a bad joke. Now let’s just get going, shall we? It’s been a long day.”

Felix nods, and grabs one of the shopping bags from her hands. He can distantly hear her compliment him on ‘being such a gentlemen’ as they head towards the exit, but everything she’s saying just goes in one ear and out the other. Felix hadn’t had such a large and overwhelming panic attack in public in _years._ He’s left feeling rattled deep in his bones, like someone’s just taken to his insides with an ice cream scoop. He always feels this way afterwards, like there’s too much empty space inside him but at the same time he’s too large for the confines of his body. It’s a jarring sensation, and Felix is left wishing that Chris was still there with him.

Speaking of Chris- Felix turns around to see he’s disappeared. Felix hadn’t seen him sneak out, but the boy is gone without a trace. _Weird,_ Felix thinks to himself, _These Seoul kids are weird._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's chapter two! I hope everyone enjoyed it :)
> 
> I've been super busy with my character design class that just started so I've had basically zero time to work on this, but a bunch of people left such kind comments that I had to write the next chapter. not only did you guys really inspire me for the next part, I also ended up planning out most of the rest of the story, which is kind of insane considering I had no plans going into this! I guess that's the power of validation. anyway I decided to sit down during a 9 hour road trip and write this entire thing! of course I didn't spend the entire 9 hours on it, i spent lots of time just looking at cows and stuff, but it still took a while.
> 
> enough about me, I hope everyone likes where the story is going. not much happened this chapter, but we did get a new character! I also didn't want the panic attack scene to be too triggering for anyone, but I definitely still want to explore Felix's relationship with his mental health. and I KNOW everyone's probably just waiting for Changbin but I swear! he'll be here next chapter!
> 
> anyway, keep looking out for the next chapter! and if anyone wants to leave a comment about how they like the story so far or anything they hope I'll include in the future, that would be totally awesome. until next time!


	3. Chapter 3

Before Felix knows it, it’s 6am, and time to get ready for school. The shrill screeching of his alarm is still echoing in his ears as he stares up at his bedroom ceiling filled with dread. Today’s the day. Today will make or break his high school experience.

Now yes, that is a little dramatic, but Felix would rather be overly cautiously than totally disregard the importance of his first day of school. It’s not the first time that he’s been nervous at the start of the new school year, but it’s definitely never been to this degree. There’s so much extra to worry about as well versus a normal first day of school. Difficult academics, language barrier, the list feels never ending. Felix has a suspicion that this is going to be nothing like kdramas made it out to be. Today has a lot of potential for Felix to start a new exciting chapter in his life, but also a lot of potential for him to be labeled as a weirdo for the next year. He has a hard time seeing past the latter. 

Felix is exhausted after the events of yesterday. Being in that anxious state for hours had weighed down on him, leaving him dizzy with shame and disappointment. It’s not a physical exhaustion, but a mental fatigue that urges him to sink deeper into the covers. As much as he tries to banish the thoughts from his mind, Felix still feels disappointed in himself. His first day in Korea ended up feeling like somewhat of a failure. Felix let himself get carried away by his unyielding anxiety, to the extent that he had the biggest panic attack that he’d had in public in years. _How did I let myself get to this point?_ Felix sighs, as he rolls over in bed. There were high points though, as well. Being able to spend the day with Mrs. Yang experiencing his first Korean shopping mall, meeting Chris, who shared his own story about anxiety after moving from Sydney. _It wasn’t all bad. Today’s not going to be all bad._

It doesn’t help that he stayed up until 1am last night watching Youtube videos. Felix can practically hear his father’s disappointment from across the Pacific Ocean, but it’s not his fault that he couldn’t get to sleep! His stomach had been practically reduced to a bundle of nerves and anxiety, so much so that Felix kept feeling like he would throw up whenever he closed his eyes to sleep. So maybe binging League or Legends gameplay and cute baby seal compilations until he passed out was not the best decision, but Felix didn’t have much of a choice. 

Dragging himself from the warmth of his mattress seems to take all of Felix’s effort, and by the time he’s actually picked out his uniform, Felix is ready to go back to bed. _6am is an evil time only created to make innocent high school students stuffer after summer_ , Felix decides. He dresses quickly, relieved by the simplicity of his uniform. If Felix had to choose his own outfits for school- well he thinks he would probably have a mental breakdown. He likes to think his mental state isn’t that fragile, but with how this trip has gone so far, well, Felix doesn’t really know. 

He runs into Jeongin in the bathroom, the younger boy’s mouth already full of toothpaste foam. His face is still a little puffy, and his tie slightly crooked, but Jeongin looks remarkably ready for the day. 

“Good morning hyung! You ready for your first day?” Jeongin chirps, toothpaste flying from his mouth to splatter on the mirror. 

Felix lets out an incomprehensible grumble as he splashes his face with ice cold water. The coolness is like a slap in the face, and enough of a wake-up call to allow him to reply with a mumble of “Yup. Super ready.” 

Jeongin doesn’t seem to catch the undercurrent of sarcasm in his statement and just giggles in reply. Felix is relieved to see that Jeongin doesn’t seem to be angry that Felix turned down his offer yesterday. He was worried that the younger boy might think that Felix was trying to blow him off or something, but it’s obvious now that Jeongin wouldn’t make that kind of assumption. 

Felix has no idea how he can have so much energy this early in the morning. He swears that this kid must have an infinite amount of enthusiasm. Jeongin rinses out his mouth and turns to Felix, his mouth stretched in what Felix has come to recognize as a trademark grin. 

“Well make sure you’re ready, ‘cause we leave in ten minutes.” 

“Yup, no problem,” Felix replies sleepily, fumbling to open the tube of toothpaste, “leaving in ten minutes.” 

Jeongin bounces out of the room with a surprising amount of liveliness considering the early hour, leaving Felix staring drowsily at his own reflection, toothbrush hanging half-haphazardly from his mouth. His eyes are still clouded over with sleep, and his hair looks like it’s been through a tornado where in protrudes from atop his head. Felix still has _a lot_ of work to do before he’s ready to go. 

“Wait did you just say ten minutes??”

→

Luckily, Felix was able to dart to Mrs. Yang’s SUV only a couple minutes behind schedule. Jeongin informed Felix that they would typically be taking the bus, but this was sort of a first day of school tradition. As they pulled up to the school gates, Mrs. Yang insisted on giving the two of them firm hugs, even as Jeongin tried to shove her off good-naturally when she attempted to even his backpack straps. They arrive with enough time for Felix to dart to the nearest restroom before class to fix his bed head and clean off the toothpaste crusted at the corners of his lips. It also gives him enough time to take a couple deep breaths while clutching the rim on the porcelain sink, trying to remember what Chris had told him yesterday. 

_What was it? In- one, two, three, four. Hold- one, two, three, four. And out- one, two, three, four...?_

The only thing Felix didn’t count on was getting lost on his way to class. There were plenty of worst-case-scenarios that he had been worrying about for weeks, but he had refused to make this one of them. Felix had printed out a blueprint of the school’s floor plan a week prior and mapped out the entire route to his first class. Unfortunately, Felix didn’t even think to make sure he had printed the right storey, and now he finds himself fifteen minutes before class turning the printout over and over again trying to locate the south corridor. Even Felix’s anxiety-fueled over-planning couldn’t save him this time. He has to find classroom 2G, but everywhere he looks are As and Bs. As the minute hand on the clock ticks closer and closer to 7:30, Felix grows more frantic. First days are about good impressions, and if Felix turns up late, he’s absolutely bombed his’. Sure, he could stop a fellow student to ask, but everyone seems preoccupied with their friends, and Felix doesn’t think he’d be able to get out the question fast enough with his broken Korean. He wishes that he could find a teacher to direct him in the right direction, but this close to the first bell they must all be preparing for their classes. The hallways of this school feel like an absolute maze- how are there so many classrooms but not a single one of them is where Felix is supposed to be?

The logical conclusion that Felix comes to at some point is that he must be on the wrong floor. He’s walking so briskly down the long hallway that he’s almost broken out into a run, but he slows himself, refusing to look stupid in front of all the younger students peaking out from classroom windows. When he arrives, the stairwell is nearly empty this close to the beginning of class, besides a couple stragglers that thin out as he ascends higher. The stark white walls and linoleum floors coupled with the eerie silence create quite a creepy atmosphere. Felix barely notices this, though, not being able to pay attention to anything outside the huffing of his own breath and the loud slapping of his shoes on the steps. Suddenly he regrets not joining the local Australian track team or something. 

Felix isn’t quite sure where he’s going, but he figures that he has to stop at some point, so he skids to a stop at the nearest landing. With any luck he can run into some teachers that might be able to point him in the right direction. He pushes the door open roughly, despite his exhaustion, and darts inside. 

After entering the hallway, however, Felix stops in his tracks. The entire floor seems to be empty, judging by the complete silence and vacant classrooms. The floors prior were bustling with students, their vibrant backpacks painting the halls multicolor and their gleeful voices carrying from each classroom. Here, there’s nothing. The floors are scratched and uneven from water damage. The walls must have once been colored a bright white, but the paint is now discolored and peeling. The recessed lights in the ceiling are all cracked, bathing the entire hallway in darkness despite for a couple rays of sunlight that shine through the dusty windows. There are remnants of students everywhere, in the cracked pencils and crumpled worksheets that litter the floor, but no actual people. All worries of being late to class slowly flee Felix’s brain as he takes in his desolate surroundings. It chills him to the bone in a way he can’t quite articulate. 

Felix approaches a nearby classroom cautiously, and lifts a hand to clear off the dust clouding the window. His hand comes back covered in a fine layer of grime, and he sends a mental apology to Mrs. Yang before wiping in on his slacks. Peering through the portion that he cleared, Felix can see the classroom is entirely empty, save for a couple desks and a giant blackboard, which is almost indistinguishable with how faded it is from years of chalk buildup. The desks seem to be strewed at random, some tipped on their sides with rusty screws dotting the floor, besides three which are gathered before the blackboard in a way that seems almost purposeful. Felix’s breath catches in his chest with uncertainty. His throat feels dry, and his hand is shaking when he holds it up to shadow his eyes so he can see clearly. _Are those… music notes written on the board?_

His impulsivity has never been his strong suit, so Felix reaches for the handle to the classroom door, ignoring the feeling of rust on his palm. His entire body is tense, but it feels like more than just Felix, like maybe the dust particles have also suspended mid-air. It’s almost like the whole floor is holding its breath as he slowly pushes at the door, arms trembling. There’s a faint creak of the rusty hinges as it swings open, and Felix takes a shuddering inhale before peeking his head through the door and-

 _“OH MY GOD!”_ Felix screeches, scrambling backwards, _“Holy shit!”_

What Felix had _not_ expected to see was to see a boy sitting at one of the desks in the corner that had been obstructed by the window. He is leaned back in his chair, head resting against the wall, eyes closed and earbuds jammed in his ears. At the sound of Felix’s scream, he squints open his eyes, and stares at Felix incredulously, one dark eyebrow raised. 

Felix is sprawled on the ground, chest heaving with shallow breaths. He thought the whole point of creepy abandoned places is that they were supposed to be _abandoned._ Felix didn’t expect to run into anyone in this wreck of a floor, especially not a kid who seems to be his age. All the tension from earlier has abruptly fled him, and now he is left shaking on the floor, embarrassed and in a state of shock. 

The boy has taken out one of his earbuds to stare at where Felix is still panting on the ground, his face tight with skepticism. Felix realizes that he must be waiting for him to say something, so he scrambles to his feet, adjusting his school blazer which is now covered in filth. _I must have been speaking in English earlier,_ Felix realizes, _that’s why he looks so confused._

Felix immediately bows deeply, before straightening to fiddling with his hands anxiously. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t expect anyone to be in here and this place is so scary that I got super freaked out. I totally didn’t mean to infringe on your space or anything!”

The boy’s glare sharpens. He’s got an intimidating face, sharp and cold with a long straight nose and downturned lips. His hair is a deep black, matching his dark eyes, and it falls over his forehead messily. His chin is tilted up as he glares at Felix, revealing his sharp jawline and the strong column of his throat. He’s partially bathed in shadows, and the cool tone makes the lines of his face look as sharp as a knife’s blade. It carries Felix’s eyes down from the contour of his strong nose, to the angular shadow of his clenched jaw, and the protruding curve of his adam’s apple. Despite the clear aggression in his gaze, the boy’s face has a classic handsomeness to it that Felix- shouldn’t be focusing on right now!

He really has to learn that there is a time and place for certain things, for god’s sake. He feels the tips of his ears redden, and he has to resist the urge to slap his hands on top of them so the boy can’t see how flustered he’s become. He shakes his head rapidly, as if it will magically clear his thoughts and opens his mouth to speak again. 

“Again, I’m so so sorry. Really! I’ll just uh- leave you alone, now I guess. So you can get back to your... brooding. Or whatever it is that you’re doing!” 

Felix turns on his heel and flees from the classroom. He doesn’t stop until he’s reached the end of the hallway, leaving plumes of dust billowing in his wake. The empty hallway with it’s peeling paint and stained ceiling doesn’t look quite as scary anymore now that Felix’s face is burning with embarrassment. He can finally let out the anxious breath that he’s been holding, but he doesn’t feel calm yet. Rather, Felix’s head is already whirling. 

_Of course I would discover a random terrifying abandoned floor and totally embarrassed myself in front of a random guy on my first day!_ Felix whines mentally, grinding the heels of his palms over his eyes. _What a way to mess up my first day._

_Wait. My first day._

Felix taps his phone screen to check the time- two minutes until 7:30. He groans loudly, thumping his head against a nearby wall. The drywall is so flimsy that he leaves a dent in the chipping plaster. He is so screwed. Felix can’t believe that he let himself get distracted by a creepy abandoned hallway and completely forgot about his classes! Even worse, not only does he still have no idea how he’s supposed to get to class, he’s in probably the one place on campus where there is absolutely no one to ask.

Well, not entirely no one…

 _No._ Felix decides, _I will not ask mysterious-scary-abandoned-classroom-boy. Absolutely not._

Despite the decision of his internal monologue, the issue is that Felix _really_ doesn’t want to be late. It’s everything that he’s been worrying about all weekend, first impressions matter and Felix can’t afford to mess his’ up. If he’s late to class, the teacher might think he’s a slacker! Or everyone else will have already made friends and Felix will be all alone! There’s a million things that could go wrong. 

Felix weighs his options. Yes, asking mysterious-scary-abandoned-classroom-boy would be terrifying, but is it more terrifying than disappointing the teacher on the first day? Felix can’t actually decide on that one, but his mind’s already made up, so he marches back to the classroom with as much fake gusto as he can muster. This time when he opens the classroom door, he does it with enough phony confidence that it almost slams against the wall, which Felix immediately feels guilty about. 

The boy had gone back to listening to his music with his eyes closed, feet clad in heavy military boots resting on the desk in front of him, but he cracks his eyes open again when Felix enters. 

He immediately feels like he’s under a spotlight, standing in the center of this empty classroom pinned by the boy’s piercing gaze. It makes him shiver, but he can’t look away from the dark eyes. Felix clears his throat, hoping it won’t crack mid-sentence, and starts, “I’m sorry to bother you again, but would you happen to know where classroom 2G is?”

Felix couldn’t be more mortified. For a second the boy doesn’t acknowledge Felix at all, but then he slides his boots off the desk to land on the floor with a loud _thump_ , and rises to his feet. He lets out a heavy sigh that makes Felix immediately feel like he should be apologizing for something again, and heads for the door. Felix doesn’t know whether or not he should follow him, until he stops in the doorway and turns to look at Felix.

The rays of sunlight shining through the dusty windows light up his silhouette, making his hair look more brown than black, and surrounding his head with a golden halo. The dust particles are still drifting through the air, and when they’re illuminated by the sunlight behind him, they look like little fairies dancing through the abandoned halls. The boy’s face is still void of emotion, but somehow his eyes look less glaring and more like melted chocolate in the buttery light. He jerks his head towards the hallway, silently indicating Felix to follow him, and turns abruptly to continue walking in the direction of the stairwell. As quickly as it came, the moment is gone.

→

Felix rushes to follow the strange boy, but struggles to keep up with his rapid pace. Felix is taller than him by a couple inches, but he walks with a determination that Felix can’t quite match. They descend down the stairwell further and further, before entering mazes of hallways that seem to lead them across the entire school. The boy doesn’t once look back to check if Felix is following him, just continues to thunder down the linoleum floors like he’s preparing to march into battle, or something equally ridiculous. Felix would laugh, if he wasn’t so terrified. 

Living in rural Australia, Felix would say he’s had near-death experiences before. He’s almost been attacked by a kangaroo, which are deceptively strong, and once he almost ran into a crocodile once while swimming in a local river. That’s not even _starting_ on the giant spiders. In conclusion, Felix knows what it feels like to be in a dangerous situation. And this sure feels like one.

Felix knows that comparatively, South Korea is a pretty safe country, but he also knows that this boy that he is following blindly through school grounds could very much be a psycho planning on murdering him. He’s got the whole vibe- clunky boots, uniform in disarray. Felix is pretty sure that this is how he dies, on the very first day of school because he was too dumb to figure out how to get to classroom 2G. 

He’s about to start mentally writing his will when the boy takes a sharp turn, and slams open the door to a classroom with 2G stenciled neatly on the wall. Felix lets out a heavy exhale. Apparently he’s living for another day.

Before he can thank mysterious-scary-abandoned-classroom-boy for his help, he’s already headed towards a desk in the corner, where he immediately slumps down the chair and pulls out his headphones. _Right. Well somebody’s not very friendly,_ Felix thinks, as he turns to survey the room. Almost every single desk is occupied with a student, twisting in their seat to call out to their friends and pass around images on their phones. Luckily, the teacher hasn’t arrived yet, but according to the clock it’s a couple minutes past 7:30, so Felix hurries to shove his backpack in one of the cubbies that line the back wall. He rushes to the first empty seat he sees, hoping it hasn’t already been claimed by another student, and pulls out his books. He’s just gotten settled in his seat when the teacher walks in, slamming a thick stack of papers on the desk at the front of the class. It’s time for Felix’s first class.

→

Class is over at 8:30, but as the teacher packs up his papers to leave, Felix is still left starting at the blackboard, mind whirling. Class had been pretty terrible, for lack of a better word. First period was history, which Felix usually prided himself in being pretty good at. Felix had obviously not prepared enough, though, as he watched all the other students nod along while the teacher rattled off the names of various dynasties and rulers. Not only did Felix have _no_ basic knowledge of Korean history, but with the teacher speaking so quickly he could barely pay attention to the content while trying to translate every word. He got picked once for a question about some historical definition of an invention Felix had never heard of, and the best he could do was mumble his confusion in response. The disappointing look from the teacher that he received afterwards was devastating. 

Felix is broken from his self-deprecating haze when the kid sitting in front of him turns around abruptly to stare at Felix. He has a friendly and attractive face, with charismatic crescent eyes, a button nose, and full lips. Felix notices that his hair is fairly long, almost brushing his shoulders, and is dyed an almost blonde that _must_ be against school code. 

“You have a weird accent,” the kid states, his face lighting up with a wide smile.

Felix has no idea how to respond, but he’s intimidated enough by his desk neighbors' extroverted impression that he blurts out, “Oh. I’m… sorry?”

“Oh my god, don’t apologize!” the other boy replies, looking scandalized.

“Hyunjin-ah please shut up,” a voice groans from Felix’s right, and he turns to see another boy, his face buried in a thick book.

He sets the novel down on the desk, and turns to Felix, a kind smile on his face. His face is more rectangular, with more angular features, but his whole image is softened by the fluffy waves that flop over his forehead from a side part. 

“My name is Seungmin, and that idiot over there is Hyunjin. I apologize for his behavior.”

“Hey!” Hyunjin cries, lunging over his desk to grab Seungmin, who deftly dodges. “What are you doing slandering me to the new kid!” 

Seungmin holds up his book in defense, a silent threat that he’ll hit his friend if he gets too close. “Well it’s not slander if it’s true, is it?”

Hyunjin turns to Felix abruptly, plastering a grin back on his face. “Well I apologize for _my_ friend’s behavior,” he sends a withering glare to Seungmin, “He’s usually not so aggressive!”

“It’s fine…” Felix replies weakly, looking back and forth between the two boys.

They do seem annoyed enough at each other, but Felix can see that the aggression is just thinly veiled fondness. He’s a little nervous to speak, not wanting to disrupt their energetic rapport. Their bickering reminds him of an old married couple, and he wonders how long they’ve been friends for. It sends a pang of bitterness through him, but he can’t help but smile at their antics. 

Suddenly, Felix’s attention is disturbed when the classroom door slams open, and Jeongin waltzes in. The younger boy rushes to his desk, a blinding grin transforming his entire face. Felix is about to ask how Jeongin knew how to find him, before the younger boy cries, “Felix-hyung! You’ve met Hyunjin and Seungminie already?”

Felix glances back and forth between his two deskmates again. “Uh.. yeah. I suppose I have?”

Jeongin spares no time before pushing Seungmin’s book off his desk with a cheeky grin and perches atop it. Seungmin gives him a disappointed glare, but Jeongin pays no mind. “This is so cool! I’m super glad you guys are in the same class.”

“Yah, Yang Jeongin.” Hyunjin calls playfully, spinning around to sit backwards in his chair so that he can grin at the younger boy, “What’re you doing outside of the 1st year wings? Why aren’t you hanging out with all the other babies?”

Jeongin rolls his eyes, reminding Felix of Jeongin’s interaction with his mother the previous day. “You were literally a 1st year student last year hyung.”

“Yeah, and I was a baby last year too. Sorry, I don’t make the rules,” Hyunjin insists, leaning back against his desk and crossing his arms. 

Jeongin scoffs and crosses his arms as well, unconsciously imitating Hyunjin’s pose. “Well at least I’m actually gonna pass trigonometry this year.”

“What?” Hyunjin cries, turning to Seungmin, “I didn’t fail trig, did I? I got a passing score on the final.”

Seunmin sighs, picking up his book from the floor. “Hyunjin-ah, both you and Jisung totally failed trig. You copied my notes all year.”

Hyunjin pouts dramatically, running a hand through his long hair. “Well at least I have one on Jisungie, he completely failed English. Who doesn’t know how to say hairband?” 

Jeongin scans the room quickly, before interrupting Hyunjin’s pouting to ask, “Where is Jisungie-hyung anyway? He’s in a different class than you guys this year?”

Both boys shrug, and Jeongin mutters something about them being unhelpful before he turns to Felix, face lit up with excitement once again. 

“Oh yeah! Did you get to class alright hyung?”

Felix reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, face starting to redden. He was hoping Jeongin wouldn’t ask that. “Yeah, it wasn’t that big of a deal.”

Seungmin raises an eyebrow inquisitively. “You came to class late though?”

Felix sighs, and tries to stop himself from fiddling with his hands in his lap. “Well… I got a little lost but someone in our class helped me out.”

“Oh! Who was it?” Jeongin asks excitedly, leaning closer to Felix.

Felix hesitates before scanning the room. Mysterious-scary-abandoned-classroom-boy is still sitting in the same seat he was earlier, now scribbling violently in a battered notebook, earphones still stuffed in his ears. His hair is flopped over his eyes again, and the way he’s hunched gives Felix a good view of his sharp profile. He almost doesn’t want to point the boy out, it feels like it would be disrespectful or something. The fact that he didn’t say a single word during their entire conversation is pretty telling. Besides, the boy might as well have a ‘Do Not Engage’ sign plastered on his back, with the way that his glare has dispelled anyone in a five foot radius. Jeongin is staring at him awfully expectantly, though. 

Felix nods in the boy’s direction. “That guy.”

All three boys turn abruptly to stare in the direction Felix had indicated, not bothering at all to be subtle about their staring. Felix slides down in his seat, trying to cover the side of his face with his hand. Just in case the boy looks over, Felix doesn’t want to make himself even more of a potential murder victim.

“Wait.” Jeongin turns back to Felix, his face startlingly grave. “You aren’t talking about Seo Changbin are you? The guy with the headphones?”

Felix doesn’t think he’s ever seen Jeongin look so serious. All traces of his former grin have abruptly disappeared, and his face looks unfamiliar when not creased with a smile. 

“Yes?” Felix replies sheepishly.

Hyunjin grabs Felix’s arm, making the boy jump in surprise. Hyunjin’s face is comically surprised, eyes wide and mouth a perfect O. He’s shaking his head slowly, lips fluttering like he wants to speak but can’t get the words out. Felix would think it’s sort of funny if he wasn’t so confused. 

“Um, what’s the big deal guys? Does anyone want to tell me what’s going on?” Felix glances back and forth between the boys anxiously.

“You talked to Seo Changbin? How are you still alive right now?” Hyunjin hisses frantically, trying not to draw attention to where the four of them are huddled. His grasp on Felix’s arm has turned into a death grip. 

Of course Felix was right. Of course the abandoned classroom boy actually is a murderer. Felix’s never really met a murder in real life, and he had kind of assumed that if he ever did meet one they’d be a bit older, but the evidence seems damning. Now not only does Felix need to worry about his academics, he also has to fear for his life? Today could not have gone worse.

The issue is, the boy- Changbin apparently- had been pretty nice to Felix. Yeah he had glared at him with the passion of a thousand suns, but he also hadn’t laughed when Felix tripped over his own feet, and was nice enough to walk him to class. That didn’t _really_ seem like murderer behavior. Then again, Felix didn’t have a ton of experience with murderers to compare it to. But just the way that Changbin is slumped at his desk, chewing anxiously on his bottom lip as he scribbles away, and the toes of his hefty army boots pointed inwards- Felix has a hard time believing he could be so malicious. 

“Are you guys sure he’s so bad? I mean, he seemed like a nice enough guy.” Felix challenges cautiously, fumbling with the hem of his blazer.

He looks up to see three enraged faces, staring at him in various degrees of shock. 

“Nice enough- nice enough guy?” Jeongin rages, “Seo Changbin is terrifying!” 

“Yeah I think I got that.” Felix mumbles sarcastically.

Hyunjin almost cuts off his comment in his haste to reply, “Nobody messes with Seo Changbin unless they’ve got a death wish! Once I asked him if I could borrow a pencil and I swear the second I made eye contact with him my life flashed before my eyes!”

Felix turns to Seungmin, his last hope, to see the boy shaking his head pityingly. “It’s common knowledge. Seo Changbin is someone to avoid at all costs.”

All three boys seem pretty determined, but Felix can’t help his skepticism. Changbin had been nothing but nice to him so far- save for a few unfriendly glares here and there. Did a couple nasty looks make someone a murderer, though? Yeah the mysterious boy was scary, but he didn’t seem _that_ bad…

Felix opens his mouth to protest again, but before he can make a comment, the second period teacher is slamming open the classroom door with a frantic flurry of papers. All the students hastily turn back around in their seats, adjusting their posture and straightening their books. Hyunjin and Seungmin both give each other wary looks, before following their classmates, so Felix rushes to do the same. Jeongin grimaces at the sight of the teacher, and hops off the desk, turning to face Felix. He flashes the older boy an impish grin, and sends him a little salute.

“Well that’s my que to leave, hyung. Try… not to get murdered on your first day, okay?”

Felix sighs as he watches Jeongin subtly slide past the teacher into the hallway and begin to skip cheerfully back to the 1st year wings. As Felix watches him disappear, he can’t help but be slightly miffed. It feels unfair for Jeongin to be so cheerful while Felix’s life seems to be on the line, but his unwavering enthusiasm is just part of his charm. Not get murdered on his first day? Apparently, that’s easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we've met Changbin! i know that this chapter made the entire thing even MORE like a wattpad self-insert fic, but i promise that the "bad boy Changbin" troupe won't stay for too long. i feel like Changbin was definitely that super intimidating music kid in school, so i wanted to stay accurate to what i felt like his character would be like. but don't worry, he's not going to stay scary and mysterious for too long, the 00 line boys are just way too terrified of everything!
> 
> i also don't know if anyone noticed, but i ended up changing the title! when i first posted this i was kind of rushing to get it out, so i didn't choose a title with any significance. i'm really happy with this one though! if anyone has already figured out the motif that i'm referring to, mad props to you~ 
> 
> also to all the people who have been commenting on each chapter- you all are the genuine loves of my life! it means so much to me that you guys are waiting for each chapter, and i really look forward to reading your feedback :) 
> 
> well i hope everyone enjoyed the chapter, and was happy with Changbin's character. the next chapter i'll be introducing two more characters (which you all can probably guess who) so look forward to that! see you all in however long it takes me to write!


	4. Chapter 4

“Ready to go, ‘Lix?”

Felix’s head shoots up to look at Hyunjin as his desk neighbor stands, grabbing his backpack to begin shoveling his workbooks inside. 

“Um. Go where?” Felix asks nervously. He’s only known Hyunjin and Seungmin for a couple hours, most of which were spent during class, so he can’t help but be a little apprehensive. Even though he knows that they’re friends of Jeongin, Felix can’t help the unpredictable spikes of his anxiety. 

Seungmin leans across his desk and shoots Felix a friendly smile. His kind expression gives Felix the impression that he might be able to sense Felix’s residual anxiety. “It’s lunch time. We have a table in the cafeteria where our friends usually sit. You’ll come, right?” 

Felix lets out a deep breath, and brings up a hand to scratch the back of his neck. “Yeah of course.” 

In all honesty, Felix is relieved. He had spent hours worrying about lunch on his first day- who he’d sit with, what food to get, what if he ended up at the wrong table? Yes, these kids may be practically strangers, and their closeness is already quite intimidating, but somehow Felix trusts them. It’s something about their wide smiles and silly interactions that make Felix feel at ease. He really, _really_ wants something like that. Felix also feels less nervous knowing that Jeongin will be there to eat lunch with them, as his host brother has been nothing but nice to him so far. What’s the danger in sitting with others during lunch for once?

Hyunjin and Seungmin lead him down the hallways with enthusiasm, chattering on about class and shoulder checking each other at every opportunity. The two boys are awfully boisterous, but not disturbingly so, just enough to blend in with the bustle of the busy halls. Hyunjin and Seungmin already have many complaints about the new teachers, which is startling to Felix, but he has the feeling that he should get used to the two of them being pretty opinionated. The language barrier is a little bit difficult, and Felix finds himself missing every couple words, but he gets the sense that at least Seungmin, and maybe even Hyunjin and making an effort to speak a little slower for his sake. 

They grab their food from the cafeteria counter, and head to a table near the back of the large room. Felix had of course seen how large the when Mrs. Yang had dropped them off that morning, but he doesn’t quite realize the extent until he finds himself standing in the center of the gigantic cafeteria. The room feels like it must be bigger than Felix’s _entire_ school back in Australia. It’s crowded too, metal picnic tables and gaggles of students making it hard to walk a straight line. The wave of dark hair and coordinated school uniforms is so extensive that Felix is immediately intimidated. He almost freezes up in the doorway, but Hyunjin pats him lightly on the back with a good natured smile, shaking him out of his trance. 

Felix is shocked once again to see how tasty the school lunches look. Back in Australia Felix wouldn’t be caught dead with a school issued hot lunch. Even a single peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a ziplock bag every day for years was better than the food in the cafeteria. This lunch, however, looked nothing short of amazing- it was all Korean food, most of which Felix couldn’t recognize immediately, but that didn’t stop him from digging in. Hyunjin and Seungmin are already caught up in some new argument about video games, so Felix resolves to eat silently as he watches the two interact. He’s just begun to settle in when he’s distracted by a figure waving frantically from across the sea of students. 

“Guess who I found?” a shrill voice calls from the other side of the cafeteria. 

He isn’t surprised to see Jeongin pushing through the crowds so that he can skip over to their table. Felix winces as he watches the younger boy disturb the nearby tables with his enthusiasm, but he figures there isn’t much he can do to curb Jeongin’s eagerness. As he gets closer, Felix can see that he’s quickly tugging another boy behind him, and they both flop down at the boys’ picnic table with a flourish. 

“Jisungie-ah!” Hyunjin cries, grabbing the new boy’s arm to tug him almost violently to Hyunjin’s side. “It’s been ages since we last saw you. Have you forgotten about us already?”

Jisung reaches up to flick Hyunjin’s forehead, who recoils dramatically with a pout. “It’s been like a day Hyunjin-ah, we literally hung out yesterday.” 

Seungmin smiles widely but Hyunjin shoots him a withering glare causing him to mask his giggle with a cough. Jisung ignores his friends, turning to Felix with an elfish grin. “You must be the exchange student right? The one who’s staying with Jeongin-ah?” 

“He’s the only new kid here...” Jeongin mumbles teasingly from the side as he picks at his nails.

“Oh my god Jeongin-ah shut up I swear-“

“Yes!” Felix replies hastily before Jisung can grab at Jeongin’s collar, “Yeah- that’s, uh, that’s me.” 

“Cool!” Jisung grins, turning back to face Felix, all signs of rage gone from his face and his whole composure taking an entire 180.

With the new boy’s entire focus directed towards Felix, he can see that Jisung has wide, expressive eyes and rounded cheeks. His hair is a fluffy mess and his eyes squinted playfully with the power of his grin. 

“My name is Jisung, but you can call me Han-“

Seungmin looks up from his food suddenly, turning to make eye contact with Felix. “Felix-ah, please don’t call him Han.” 

“Wait- what do you mean?” Jisung cries, glancing back and forth between his friends, his face twisted in outrage. 

“Please don’t enable him, nobody actually calls him Han.” Jeongin elaborates.

Jisung scoffs, leaning back and crossing his arms across his chest. “Just because you guys refuse to call me Han, doesn’t mean that nobody else does. It’s a cool name!” 

“Oh right of course.” Hyunjin says deadpan, “Your cool, foreign, 3rd year best friend Chan calls you Han.” 

Jisung slams his hands down on the table, eyes wide. “He does! I’ve been telling you guys this for ages, why don’t you believe me?” 

Jeongin leans sneakily over towards Felix to whisper, “Chan is Jisung’s made-up 3rd year friend. We all know he doesn’t actually exist, but we pretend he does just to humor him.” 

Jisung turns to Jeongin, jaw dropped with offense. “Are you kidding me? Of course he exists, why would I make this up?” 

“You tell us. Why _would_ you make this up, Jisungie-ah? If he’s so real why haven’t we ever met him?” Hyunjin asks, resting his chin on a hand and raising an eyebrow skeptically. 

“It’s a big school!” Jisung exclaims frantically, “And he’s in a different grade!” 

Felix flinches as Seungmin suddenly slams his hands down on the table, looking eerily like a detective during an interrogation. 

“Exactly. It’s such a big school that Jisung-ah would have no issue making up a cool older friend with nobody suspecting a thing.”

“What are you talking about!?” Jisung cries, running his hands through his messy hair with exasperation, “You guys suspect everything I do!” 

“Of course we suspect everything. You’re obviously lying about having cool older friends that you hang out and make music with. How could we trust you after all the deception?” Jeongin chirps, grinning mischievously. 

“You little-“ Jisung hisses from in between gritted teeth, reaching out once again to grab Jeongin’s uniform tie. 

Felix tunes out their repetitive bickering after a while, as the conversation topic moves to every lie that Jisung has apparently ever told the other boys. It’s quite an impressive inventory, and Felix vows never to get on Jeongin’s bad side. He does notice that all the boys have done since Felix has met them is argue, but it’s obviously just the way that they show affection. While Jisung is definitely the butt of their jokes, he doesn’t seem all that angry in reality, and all their outrage feels practiced. The snide comments and forehead flicks remind Felix of a sibling relationship, making him feel sort of nostalgic. He’s only known these boys for a day, but it makes him wonder if he’ll ever have a relationship like that with the others. Oddly, he can see the appeal in teasing each other during lunch and arguing pettily in hushed whispers during class. It doesn’t seem unlikely considering how quickly he’s become close with the others. Felix still feels hesitant to butt in on their conversation, but he already feels at ease laughing along with their jokes. Sure, that may seem lame, but to Felix it’s a big step. He’s frankly pretty shocked he’s been able to get this far. 

As lunch draws to a close, Felix decides to stop at the restroom before they head back to class. Seungmin points him in the right direction, and soon he’s walking into a large, empty restroom with bright blue tiles. After Felix finishes his business he heads to the sink, surprised to see somebody leaning up against the wall with the paper towel dispensers. He had been so quiet the entire time that Felix hadn’t realized he was standing there. 

There’s no other way to describe it besides stating the boy is standing confidently, like he doesn’t care how much space his limbs take up. It’s almost to say, _Yes I know I’m blocking a paper towel dispenser, do you dare to say anything about it?_ He has handsome facial features, with wide, catlike eyes and hair swooping down from a neat side part. Felix notices he has a slight overbite in the way his two front teeth protrude as a grin spreads across his face. His tie is bright red, signifying that he must be a 3rd year, one year above Felix. When Felix first noticed him he was gazing down at his whole as he scrolled aimlessly, but now he looks up as Felix approaches the sink, and their eyes meet in the bathroom mirror. 

His expression is smug, and Felix is suddenly terrified. The boy doesn’t look too aggressive, but why would he be staring at Felix so piercingly in the bathroom if he wasn’t planning on beating him up or something? Felix had been bullied a couple times in middle school, his lunch was stolen, kids scribbled on his desk, stuff like that. This situation, however, this feels dangerous. Why does Felix keep running into terrifying guys in empty rooms? He feels like that’s a circumstance that really shouldn’t happen multiple times!

Suddenly, the boy bursts into laughter, his shoulders shaking with the power of his chuckles. Despite his grin, his laughter doesn't seem warm. “Oh man,” the boy drawls, “It’s always easy to spot fresh meat.”

Felix feels like a bucket of cold water has been dumped over his head. Fresh meat? It’s that obvious that he’s a new kid? Felix had thought he was doing pretty good so far. Even more than that, was this stranger making fun of him? Felix has obviously never met him before, and it sends an abrupt shock of anger through him.

Felix flips off the tap and spins around, glaring at the boy’s smirking face. “Hey what-”

“Relax,” the boy interrupts, pushing himself off the wall, “You’ve got this whole cute, shy boy thing going on. It works for you.” 

A compliment is probably the last thing that Felix expected to hear. Although, he isn’t really sure that was a compliment at all, what with the other boy’s patronizing expression. 

“What-” Felix starts again, only to be cut off as the boy takes another step forward.

As he approaches, Felix can see that he’s maybe an inch taller, but his presence seems to tower over Felix. He reaches out a hand, fixing his face with a charming smile. “Minho. Lee Minho.”

Felix shakes Minho’s hand apprehensively, trying to maintain eye contact. The faucet behind him drips, and the sound of the water droplet hitting the porcelain sink could be as loud as a gunshot in the silent bathroom. Felix is acutely aware that he’s sweating through his thin uniform button-down. Through his anxiety, Felix almost forgets that Minho must be waiting for a response. 

“Ah- Lee Felix...” 

“Cool.” Mihno shoots him yet another blinding grin, before spinning on his heel and heading for the door. “Good luck, Lee Felix.”

Minho’s booming voice and the slam of the bathroom door echoes in the empty room, making it feel like his presence is so large that it lingers even after he left. He’s gone before Felix can reply, leaving the Australian boy all alone mumbling “Thank you…?” to an empty room.

Felix is genuinely bewildered as he heads back to his table. Not only was Minho _really_ strange, it was in a super intimidating way. Felix really hopes he doesn’t run into the older boy again, because evidently one interaction was confusing enough. At least Felix knows that Minho’s in a different grade, so it’s less likely they’ll ever meet again. Looks like one thing’s going his way today. 

When he returns the table is just as chaotic as Felix left it, Hyunjin trying to tug the book out of Seungmin’s hands, Jisung shoveling food into his mouth like he’s starving, and Jeongin attempting to sneak bites from his plate. They all look up as Felix sits down, almost as if they forgot there was an addition to their table today. 

“Felix-hyung!” Jeongin grins, “You found everything okay?”

Felix can’t help but smile back at the younger boy. “Yeah definitely. Except for-” Felix scratches the back of his neck anxiously as he debates his next words. “Have any of you guys ever heard of a Lee Minho?”

Felix watches with surprise as three boys all slowly turn to look at Jisung, their faces identical pictures of smugness. Color slowly floods Jisung’s face, and he brings up his hands to try and subtly cover his cheeks. The bright red is a strong contrast against his tan skin, however, and it’s evident to the entire table that he’s blushing furiously. 

“Why-” Jisung’s voice cracks on the first syllable, “Why do you ask? He’s nobody. Not a big deal.”

Felix muffles a laugh behind his hand. He doesn’t know what Miho and Jisung’s relationship is, but judging by the color of his face, it’s _definitely_ not nothing. Over the hour that Felix has known Jisung for, he hadn’t ever seen the boy make a face like this so far. Felix can’t help but be curious at how obviously flustered Jisung’s become. Despite how fun it would be to push the topic, Felix decides to drop it. He’s genuinely worried that if Jisung’s face gets any more red he might explode. 

“Okay cool. No reason.”

Jisung nods, clearing his throat, and turns back to his food. Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin shoot each other a last knowing smile before resuming eating. Nobody seems keen to explain what had just happened, but Felix doesn’t want to push it. He supposes that hopefully he’ll be sitting with these boys for a while, so he’ll figure out what’s going on at some point. As he picks at his food Felix wonders if he’s actually met a single normal person since setting foot in this school. Every interaction he’s had has been absolutely bizarre, but he can’t find himself to mind too much. Sure, it’s been awfully anxiety provoking, but what’s an adventure without a couple characters along the way. Felix supposes that’s a pretty nice way to summarize his run in with a possible murderer this morning, but he’s trying to stay optimistic.

“Um- sorry but,” Jisung’s hesitant voice, shrill with nerves, breaks Felix out of his thoughts. “I was wondering, um, why’d you ask? About Minho?”

The entire table breaks out in boisterous laughter. Felix has a feeling that Jisung’s face won’t be back to it’s normal color until classes are over for the day. 

→

Felix elects to walk home from school instead of taking the bus with Jeongin. The younger boy is immediately frantic when Felix voices this, but Jeongin calms a little when Felix expresses his wish to see the trees changing color. It isn’t too far of a walk, but that doesn’t stop Jeongin from checking three times to make sure Felix knows the right way home and what number to call if he gets lost. It’s funny to see his host brother act so maternal, but somehow it doesn’t seem too out of character for Jeongin. Felix has noticed that he’s naturally very caring. 

As he begins his stroll down the street, Felix does feel a little pang of guilt for lying. Of course he did want to see the trees, but mostly, he was hoping to have a minute to himself. After the stress of the first day of school, Felix feels like he’s drained of energy for the next week. He knows that he’s an introvert, and needs time to recharge by himself after anxiety-filled days such as this one. As much as he loves spending time with Jeongin already, he can be slightly hyperactive, so Felix is glad to have this quiet moment to himself.

School was somehow simultaneously much better and much worse than Felix had anticipated. The morning had been terrifying, and Felix is worried he’ll have nightmares about his run-in with Changbin for weeks. At the same time, Felix is so relieved he could sit with Jeongin’s friends during lunch. It wasn’t much, but Felix is trying to start valuing the baby steps. They were a really nice group, and although he felt anxious with all the social interaction, their lighthearted banter made him feel at ease. He really hopes that the five of them can sit together again sometime, but Felic knows he’ll be too shy to voice his concern. 

Felix feels a crunch underneath his shoe, and looks down to see a crisp orange leaf crushed on the pavement. The leaves are littering every inch of the sidewalk, and Felix looks up to see what feels like miles of yellow, orange, and brown. It looks like each branch of every tree has a sunset trapped in it’s leaves, waiting to float softly to the ground and gather in fiery heaps. The cool breeze chills Felix’s nose, and he burrows deeper into his blazer as he gazes at the wide expanses of color. He had never seen changing leaves like this in Australia, given that he had been living in a desert. The flurries of orange dance in front of his eyes and crunch under his shoes as he treks on. It feels like just a little bit of magic that’s been reserved for Felix to see. 

Felix is so mesmerized by the sea of colors that before he knows it he’s arrived back at the Yang’s apartment. It feels strange unlocking the front door with the key that Mrs. Yang had pressed into his hands before she dropped him off for school, but Felix figures that he should try to get accustomed with the action. This is his home now too, after all. 

The apartment seems to be empty, so Felix heads to his bedroom, dropping off his backpack in a corner of the room and flopping down on the bed. He feels the tension drain out of his body as he sinks into the mattress. Felix is so exhausted from his day that he almost feels his eyes start to flutter shut, before there’s a rapid knock on the door. Felix can tell from the speed and enthusiasm that it must be Jeongin.

“Sure, come on in.” Felix calls, sitting up drowsily.

Jeongin peeks his head inside the doorway and sends Felix a friendly grin. “Eomma and appa called, they’ll be home in about an hour.”

“Ah okay,” Felix smiles, “thanks for telling me.”

“No problem hyung!” Jeongin chirps, before a look of surprise crosses his face.

He slides through the doorway and plops down on the bed next to Felix, tugging on the sleeve of Felix’s blazer. “How did this get so dirty? What happened?”

Felix looks down to realize his blazer is streaked with dust. He twists his head to peer at the back, only to see the navy fabric discolored with grime. Felix is mortified- he’s been walking around all day with his jacket covered in dirt? It must have happened when he encountered Changbin this morning, which means that his jacket’s been dusty all day. Felix groans with embarrassment. He hopes he didn’t give anyone the impression that he’s a slob. 

“I think it happened this morning when I got lost. Do you know anything about… an abandoned floor or something?” Felix asks hesitantly. 

Jeongin holds the fabric of Felix’s blazer firm to dust off the dirt. “Yeah, the 6th floor. One of the bathrooms was flooded a couple years ago- before I came to the school- so they had to stop holding classes there ‘cause I guess there’s some structural problems or something now. They keep saying they’ll fix it up but there’s not enough room in the budget yet so it’s kinda just been sitting there for years.” 

Jeongin halts his actions abruptly, looking up at Felix nervously and fiddling with the hem of the blazer. “....Why? Did you go up there or something?”

“Um- yeah. That’s where I ended up this morning when I got lost.” Felix mumbles, busying himself with taking off the jacket so he doesn’t have to meet Jeongin’s eyes.

“Hyung you gotta make sure you don’t go back there anymore. I heard there's some kids that hang out around there that you _really_ don’t want to run into.” Jeongin states decisively, eyes pleading. 

Felix smiles, reaching up a hand to ruffle Jeongin’s hair. It’s soft between his fingers, and the younger boy unconsciously leans into his touch. “Don’t worry, Innie-ah, I’ll steer clear of it.”

“Good!” Jeongin says with a smile, and flops back on the bed beside Felix.

Felix follows so the two of them are laying next to each other on the lumpy mattress. They’re silent for a moment, evidently both exhausted after a long day at school. The only sounds are the whoosh of cars zooming down the street outside the window, and the cries of children playing as they walk home from school. The ceiling is painted a start white, Felix notices as he gazes up at it, but he can see a couple scuffs in the paint where maybe a poster used to hang. He wonders if maybe the Yang’s would be alright with it if he hung up his own poster there. 

“So, um,” Felix starts reluctantly, “What’s the deal with Jisung and that kid I met in the bathroom? Minho?”

Jeongin giggles happily. “Oh they have a looong history. It’s so fun to tease Jisung about Minho!”

Felix can’t help but be curious. The boys seemed eager enough to tease Jisung in the middle of the cafeteria, but nobody wanted to volunteer any information about why. Felix wonders why they’re keeping the whole thing so under wraps. He bites his lip nervously before wondering again, “But like- why did Jisung get so worked up? Is Minho bullying him or something?”

“Minho? No of course not. He’s a lot lamer than you’d think, hyung.” Jeongin laughs, sitting up abruptly. 

Suddenly a nervous expression crosses the younger boy’s face, and Felix notices that he’s begun to fiddle with the skin around his fingernails. Felix realizes there’s something that looks a little like _fear_ behind Jeongin’s eyes, and it’s immediately chilling to see him so serious. Jeongin opens his mouth to speak, then shuts it again just as quickly, ducking his head to stare at his lap. Felix sits up as well, and tries to dip his head to meet Jeongin’s gaze. He doesn’t know what’s wrong, but he’s struck with the sudden urge to comfort Jeongin, make everything better.

Jeongin looks up abruptly, meeting Felix’s gaze with paralyzing confidence. “Hyung can I tell you something? And you won’t tell anyone?”

“Yeah,” Felix answers immediately, “of course.”

“Minho is- well- he’s gay.” Jeongin stares intently at his lap, hands shaking a little. “And we like to tease Jisung, because we joke around that he has a crush on Minho. But we don’t mind. It’s okay that Minho’s gay. And we’re all okay with it, so if you’re not, then I think you can’t hang out with us anymore.” Jeongin looks up abruptly, his face twisted with fear, “I’m sorry it’s just that-”

“No, no no-” Felix blurts, quickly reaching out to grab Jeongin’s hand, “I’m totally okay with it. There’s nothing wrong with being gay! It’s okay Innie-ah, don’t be sad.”

Jeongin lets out a giant breath, and grips Felix’s hand even tighter. The strong grasp almost hurts, but Felix can’t bring himself to say anything when Jeongin looks so, _so_ relieved. When their gaze meets again Jeongin’s eyes are still a little watery, but his smile is grateful. “I’m sorry Felix-hyung, I didn’t mean to assume or anything, but there’s a ton of people who aren’t cool with it. I’m so glad ‘cause I really like hanging out with you, but I don’t think I could if you hated Minho-hyung, you know?”

Felix nods, settling his hand lightly on Jeongin’s back. He knows that Jeongin must think he’s offended, but really Felix just feels even more affectionate for his host brother. It’s obvious how caring and sympathetic Jeongin is, not to mention fiercely loyal to his friends. Felix feels so lucky that he has Jeongin as a foster brother. It’s only been a couple days but he can already anticipate that Jeongin will be there for him if he needs it, and that knowledge warms his heart. 

“Don’t worry Jeongin-ah, everything’s okay. Is there anything I can do to help with dinner?”

Jeongin smiles up at him, and Felix can tell he’s relieved with the change in topic. “Sure hyung, I can show you how to use the rice cooker. Let’s go to the kitchen!” 

“You go ahead, I’ll follow in a second.” Felix replies, shooing Jeongin out of his room.

It seems that Jeongin’s joyful attitude has already returned, and he giggles as he shuts the door. Felix is left for a moment, smiling at the place where Jeongin had sat, before he flops back down again on the bed. His head feels heavy with thoughts, like if he sits up for a moment longer he’ll tip over with the weight and all his anxieties will go spilling out. His exhaustion is back in full force, and Felix has to fight the impulse to roll over and let sleep take him. _Minho’s gay? Looks like this year is going to continue being full of surprises._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone, long time no see! I know it's been ages since I updated but unfortunately I got sun poisoning, 0/10 would not recommend, and then my computer charger broke so it was pretty much impossible to get any writing done. I did some on my phone during class but I'm so bad at spelling that me and autocorrect do not mix and the entire thing was basically gibberish. I'm here now though!
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed the introduction of Jisung and Minho's characters! and of course the little bit of minsung I snuck in there. I know Minho's character may seem a little bit weird, but trust me I think the dynamic is going to work out pretty well. maybe I just have a thing for making all my characters super intimidating at first. whoops.
> 
> I was also super excited to write that last scene, this is just all part of my agenda for everyone to realize that Jeongin is the cutest little baby ever. is it working? anyway I wonder if anyone can guess who the scary kids in the abandoned floor are? that's a secret for next time, though! cya everyone :)


	5. Chapter 5

When Felix finally drifts off to sleep that night, he dreams of raven-black hair, dark eyes, and a strong jaw silhouetted by dancing shadows. He finds his face already warm under his palms when he wakes. 

To Felix’s relief, the next few days pass easily. He feels more comfortable in his classes, slowly learning the teachers’ names and gaining the confidence to raise his hand more frequently. Although he still has entire periods where he’ll realize he can’t understand a word the teacher is saying, Seungmin has started lending Felix his notes after class, which usually help mend the gaps in his knowledge. His Korean is also slowly improving, and although he’s hesitant to admit it, being dumped in the deep end really did help. All the other boys are in low level English classes, but they can barely hold a conversation, so Felix is definitely confined to Korean. He can’t be too bothered though, because he is making genuine improvement. 

Felix has begun to settle into somewhat of a routine with Jeongin, Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jisung. The five of them often sit together at lunch, save for Jisung who skirts off secretly every couple days. Many of Felix’s lunch periods are also spent in the library, hunched over his Korean workbooks. Jeongin always pouts whenever Felix mentions that he won’t be sitting together with the boys on specific days, but Felix knows it’s really for the best. He can understand a lot of their chattering, but he still has a hard time contributing to the conversation due to the language barrier. Felix is really hoping that all these hours in the library will pay off, so he’ll be able to have some actual conversations. Before stepping foot in Korea his motivations for learning Korean were abstract. A better way to connect with his heritage or something? Now Felix has genuine incentive- he wants to be able to talk organically with his friends 

With this is mind, Felix works. It’s stressful, spending hours a day on his Korean language studies, working so much longer than his classmates trying to understand the homework, being forced to maintain a certain GPA so that he can stay in the program. It’s only been a couple days, not even a full school week, but Felix is overwhelmed. Every night flopping into bed at upwards of one in the morning, he has to remind himself what he’s doing it all for. Thankfully, he has his newfound friends to help him from going insane. Hyunjin is always willing to pull Felix away from the books if he notices his eyes looking glassy, and Seungmin has binders full of study materials to share. Even the sound of Jeongin giggling at the tv while Felix works on his pre-calc assignments in the living room helps calm his anxiety. He’s surprised that he’s been able to become so close with the others in such a short amount of time, but it seems that they’ve entirely adopted him. Jisung has even started calling him their ‘little baby pet chick’ while he squishes Felix’s cheeks. 

Felix can’t help but still be awkward around the other boys though. It’s easy with Jeongin- he’s content to laugh at anything Felix says- but the others are slightly more intimidating. It doesn’t help that Felix’s anxiety is always whispering to him, _they’re only putting up with you because you’re living with Jeongin, and they feel bad leaving you all alone._ He knows it’s not true, the others love hanging out with him, but sometimes it’s hard to convince himself that when he knows he’s spiraling. 

All his anxiety comes to a head when Jeongin comes down with a cold. It had been raining lightly for the past couple days, the sky perpetually murky and heavy with moisture, but when Felix wakes up Friday morning, it’s pouring down. He hears the relentless pounding of raindrops before he sees it, peering out the window next to his bed, eyes still blurry with sleep. Felix readies himself for the day, but becomes nervous when he notices Jeongin still hasn’t left his bed. He knocks cautiously on the younger boy’s door, and when he gets a grunt of approval, he opens it to see Jeongin wrapped in a bundle of covers, head matted to his forehead with sweat. Felix immediately panics, seeing Jeongin pale a shaking, but Mrs. Yang rounds the corner before he can do something ridiculous, like scream.

Apparently Jeongin often comes down with a cold when there’s rainy weather, Mrs. Yang explains as she drives Felix to school, but he still feels sorry for his host brother. Only a couple days into the school year and already sick? He’s also worried about the day ahead of him. Felix is a little scared to sit with Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jisung without Jeongin as a barrier. What if they have nothing to talk about? Will they realize how boring Felix really is? He decides it’s probably best if he spends lunch today in the library.

Class passes slowly, all the students distracted by the chaotic weather. Felix can’t help but zone out to the rhythmic dripping of water leaking from the ceiling into a metal bucket placed strategically on the floor. The classroom floor is streaked with muddy footprints, and the hallways are stuffy with the scent of wet dog. Well, wet teenager might be more accurate. 

Of course, because Felix has the worst luck ever, the library is closed. Apparently there’s some excuse about “suspicious water damage” and “not enough teachers to monitor,” but Felix feels like it’s just the world out to get him. This leaves him ambling down the hallways aimlessly, counting down the minutes until lunch period ends. He knows he still has the option of joining the boys at lunch, but it’s so much easier to swallow his shame and goof off until next class.

As Felix wanders, he slowly finds himself further and further away from the parts of campus that he knows. It’s a huge, sprawling school, a maze of skinny hallways and classrooms crammed together like tetris pieces. As Felix learned the first day, it’s easy to stumble into somewhere you’re not supposed to be. 

Felix rounds a corner, and finds himself with a mouthful of smoke. He splutters, trying to rid the burnt taste from his mouth, and the stinging from his eyes. Blinking through the cloud, he notices that he’s walked into a fairly secluded hallway, slightly darker than the others thanks to a couple burnt out lightbulbs, and eerily empty. 

“Hey kid!”

Well, maybe not entirely empty. Felix spins around, to see two 3rd year boys sitting in the entrance of the stairwell, slumped against the steps. 

“You new here, or something?” one of the boys growls.

He’s got inky black hair, hanging long past his ears, and imposing facial features. His expression is a picture of aggression, his eyes squinted angrily. Felix is frozen where he stands, petrified by the dark gaze. He can’t do anything but nod, feeling like a stiff bobble-head figurine but not being able to budge an inch. 

The 3rd year scoffs, and runs a hand through his hair. “Well you obviously don’t know how things work around here. This area belongs to us for lunch hour. Which is to say, it’s off limits for 2nd years like you.”

His voice is syrupy sweet, but every word is dripping with a condescending tone. He’s leaned over now, planting an elbow on one of his splayed knees, and his posture reminds Felix of a black widow preparing for attack. There’s a chuckle from behind the strange boy, and Felix peers over to see the other 3rd year, a boy with chestnut brown hair and handsome features, take a drag from a cigarette drooping in between his fingers. 

“Are… you allowed to smoke on campus?” Felix blurts, eyes wide and focused on the single cigarette. 

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._ These boys just obviously pointed him towards the exit, but instead of leaving like any sane person, Felix asks an obviously stupid question. Forget all earlier interactions, this is how Felix dies. It’s all going to be because he has no impulse control when under pressure. 

“Jesus, where do they get these kids?” the darker haired boy grumbles to himself, stubbing out his own cigarette on the concrete, and pushing himself off the steps. “No, we aren’t technically allowed to smoke on campus. Are we going to have a problem?” 

“You aren’t supposed to be smoking,” Felix repeats dumbly.

He only copies the statement to get a grasp on the situation, making sure that he understands what the 3rd year had just said. Especially in stressful situations, Felix’s Korean knowledge seems to always flee him. It’s easier to repeat sentences, just to confirm, and others don’t seem to mind so much. As the strange boy stalks towards Felix though, he’s afraid that maybe there was a misunderstanding. 

Suddenly he’s in Felix’s face, so close that Felix can see his pupils dilated with anger. His face is twisted with annoyance, and a tremor of fear runs down Felix’s spine knowing that _he’s the cause of that anger._

“Is that supposed to be some kind of threat?” the boy still sitting on the steps drawls, his voice deep with intimidation. 

Felix, after spending hours working on perfecting his own accent, can detect a foreign lilt in the other’s voice. He can’t spend any time dwelling on the irregularities, though, when both boys are now glaring at Felix with fiery passion. The gravity of the situation is slowly starting to sink in, and Felix gets the sense that he’s pissed off some really scary people. He had just gotten used to life in Korea and settled into a schedule. It’s far too soon for him to die at the hands of some cheesy highschool bullies, as terrifying as they may be, but at this rate he doesn’t have much choice. Luckily, after how much he’s run his mouth in the past few minutes, Felix’s flight instincts finally kick in. 

He shoves the dark haired boy out of his space with all his might, and bounds towards the stairs, darting passed the other 3rd year still sprawled on the steps. Both boys cry in shock, and Felix hears the sound of a cardboard cigarette box crunch under his feet as he tries to bound up the stairs two at a time.

“Jaebeom-ah, he could actually be going to tell a teacher or something!” he hears the foreign voice warn hysterically over the huffing of his own breath. 

There are curses behind him, and a loud bang that could only mean that he’s being followed. Felix pushes himself harder, ignoring the burn in his legs as he sprints up the stairwell. There are scattered shouts from behind him, but he tunes them out in favor of focusing on his breathing and the slapping of his shoes on the linoleum. His heart is beating so quickly Felix is scared that the pulses will wrack his entire body as he stumbles up and up. He swings around the corners, the fast pace and sharp turns making dizziness spin at the edges of his vision. He desperately wants to stop and catch his heaving breath, but he can’t tell if the boys are still behind him. Felix needs to find somewhere to hide, and quickly.

When he sees the plaque for the 6th floor, Felix doesn’t hesitate. He throws open the door, practically vaulting himself into the hallway, remembering to be conscious of the rotten flooring almost a second too late. There aren’t many places to hide, and Felix didn’t get nearly any time to explore the last time he set foot on the sixth floor, so he decides to throw himself into the same abandoned classroom that he found himself in before. 

The door slams loudly behind Felix, but he can’t bring himself to care, adrenaline still pumping in his veins. He presses a hand to his heaving chest trying to calm the violent inhales that are wracking his body. His hands are still trembling, and his blood is pumping in his ears from both fear and exhaustion. Felix doubles over, resting his hands on his knees as he wheezes. His body is _not_ designed for this much physical activity. 

Even though he may be safe for now, there’s no telling whether or not the boys have decided to follow him. There’s not that many classrooms he could have ducked into, so it’s only a matter of time before they figure out his location. Felix steadies himself, preparing to peek through the panel in the door when-

“Felix?”

Felix whips around to see a familiar friendly face staring back at him from the other side of the room. “Chris?”

It’s the boy from the mall, or as Felix has been mentally referring to him, ‘Felix’s savior.’ The one who had gone out of his way to follow Felix, suspecting that he might be having an anxiety attack, and calmed him down with his own stories of moving to Seoul for the first time. Chris’ words had been extremely comforting to Felix, enough to keep him going through the week despite his crippling anxieties. Felix was under the impression that Chris’ help was an isolated instance, though. He never expected to run into him again, especially at school. Felix blinks to make sure, but it’s definitely Chris grinning back at him in his bright red tie, marking him as a 3rd year student. 

A curt voice cuts through the silence. “Who the hell is Chris?”

Chris groans. “We’ve been over this a million times. You know Chris is my birth name, Minho-ah.”

 _Oh no._ Felix follows Chris’ gaze to the other side of the room to where Lee Minho is perched leisurely on a window sill, head tipped back against the frame, and eyes dark and skeptical. The weather has cleared a lot since that morning, but the sky is still thick with heavy clouds, and the patches where sunlight shines through are blinding. The rays highlight Minho’s silhouette, so it’s hard to identify him at first, but that’s definitely Mihno’s toothy smirk. To nobody’s surprise, he looks every bit as intimidating as Felix remembers. His presence is imposing yet again, his posture giving off an air of aloofness. Felix was vaguely aware that Minho has a relationship with some of his friends after his conversation with Jeongin, but he was really hoping he wouldn’t have to run into the 3rd year again regardless. 

It takes a second for Felix to realize the situation, standing in the middle of an abandoned classroom on the dangerous 6th floor with two 3rd year students. As he surveys his surroundings, Chris rises from his seat, one of the three rickety desks organized in a crescent in front of the blackboard. The blackboard itself is crowded with even more scribbles than before, music notes scrawled on wobbly measure lines and korean characters crammed in every corner. The board is too far away and the handwriting too messy for Felix to read, but the way they’ve been divided into lines make the writing look suspiciously like lyrics. Felix can’t afford to get distracted by his surroundings, however, when Chris and Minho are still staring at him expectantly. 

“Sorry,” Felis stumbles over his words, still trying to wrap his head around the situation, “How do you two know each other?”

Minho scoffs, leaning forwards and fixing Felix with a distrustful gaze. “ _Chan_ and I are friends. How do you two know each other?”

Chris lets out a nervous laugh and holds up his hands placatingly. “Felix is a new exchange student, from Australia as well. Us Aussies gotta stick together!” 

He strides over to Felix, slinging a thick arm over his shoulders like they’ve been friends for ages. Felix can’t seem to mind though, when Chris’ arm is a comforting weight on his back, the warmth helping him slow his breathing. Felix is so distracted that he almost forgets the matter at hand. Something was familiar about Minho’s statement. 

“Wait- did you just call him Chan?”

“What are you doing up here anyways?” Minho interrupts, eyes narrowing,

Felix shrugs off Chan’s arm, stepping closer to Minho with a bout of confidence he didn’t know existed. “I could ask you the same thing!”

Their gazes are piercing, each boy refusing to break the eye contact at such a tense moment. Minho is intimidating, yes, but Felix can’t help but be annoyed at the older boy’s attitude. The air feels tight with the pressure of their stares, but when Minho opens his mouth to spit another comment he’s interrupted by Chris striding across the room and clapping a large hand down on his shoulder. 

“Okay guys!” Chris chirps, breaking them out of their glare, “It looks like we might have quite a bit to talk about.”

Minho turns slowly to look at Chris, sending the grinning boy a wary look. “Chan-ah? Shut up. I am not in the mood for impromptu couples therapy right now.” 

“Wait I’m sorry-” Felix blurts, shaking his head in confusion, “Will somebody please tell me why you keep calling him Chan?” 

Chris chuckles shyly, reaching up the scratch at the back of his neck as he rocks back on his heels. “Oh well that’s because-”

The door slams open with a bang.

“What’s up guys, you ready to get writing? I know I am, boys! Lemme just- wait, Felix-ah? What are you doing here?” 

_What? Not again._ Felix spins around to see Han Jisung standing in the doorway, balancing a tray of food in one hand and a stack of crumpled paper in the other, backpack slowly slipping from where it’s slung over a shoulder. He doesn't seem to be unhappy with Felix’s sudden appearance, grinning and rushing inside the classroom to dump his belongings on one of the three desks and flop back in the creaky chair. 

“I didn’t know you’re friends with Chan and Minho!” he cries happily, papers spilling off the surface of the desk. Minho sighs, kicking them back in Jisung’s direction.

“I’m…. not.” Felix replies faintly, still trying to process the situation. 

“Nah, sure you are!” Chris replies, slumping back down in his seat once again. He sends Felix a friendly smile, and gestures to the surroundings desks. “C’mon, pull up a chair.”

Felix wants to follow, but he’s too confused to move, rooted to his place in the center of the dusty classroom. His head is spinning, once again so heavy with thoughts that it’s starting to ache with the pressure. Everything’s happening so quickly, and Felix still hasn’t even processed the fact that he’s standing in the same room as a boy he cried in front of in a mall bathroom. 

“Wait, so you’re Chan? Jisung’s cool, foreign, 3rd year best friend?” Felis gasps, pointing an accusing finger towards the cheerful 3rd year.

Chris immediately turns to face Jisung, a mischievous smile on his lips. “Oh, so you’ve been talking about me Sungie-ah? ‘Cool, foreign, 3rd year best friend’ was it?”

Jisung thumps his head down on the table with a groan. When he speaks his voice is muffled by the wood, but Felix can make out, “Oh my god why’d you have to tell him that.”

Chris chuckles, turning to Felix with a much friendlier smile. “Yeah, that’s me. Chan is my Korean name, I just told you Chris ‘cause I thought it might make you feel a little more comfortable.” 

That.. surprisingly makes a lot of sense. Felix is a little less agitated than before with the information, but still not any less confused. 

“Wait, but, what are you guys doing up here then?” 

Jisung shoots up from the desk, grinning. “We’re musicians! This is kind of like our studio, ‘cause there’s nowhere on campus that’s soundproofed but this place is empty enough that no one _really_ cares.” 

“Yeah, ignoring the mass, school-wide announcements that state, quote, ‘nobody should be entering the the 6th floor unsupervised under any circumstances.’” Minho rolls his eyes and juts up his chin where he has his head rested again on the window frame. 

Jisung waves a hand dismissively. “Empty threats. All of them. And besides, that’s not even important. The only thing that really matters is-”

“Ugh please don’t say it,” Minho groans. 

“The music!” Jisung finishes with a flourish. 

Minho buries his head in his hands while Chan and Jisung giggle. He glares at them with the stare of a war-torn soldier, and grumbles, “I swear the three of you are going to get arrested one day.”

Felix’s thoughts stutter to a halt. “Wait, uh, three of you?”

Chan turns to face him in surprise. “Oh yeah, well I guess you wouldn’t know. The whole music thing, it’s me, Jisungie, and-”

The door creaks open. “Changbin-hyung!” Jisung cries, “So nice of you to finally join us.” 

→

The five boys stand in silence, the air tight with tension. Chan and Jisung are peering around with confusion, while Changbin and Felix refuse to meet each other’s eyes. Minho, the smug bastard, mostly just looks amused. There are distant cries from the soccer field outside, but nobody within the classroom dares to make a noise. Felix’s uniform shirt is itching the back of his neck where he’s sweated through the thin fabric. This is the worst case scenario. 

Not Seo Changbin, anyone _but_ Seo Changbin. Felix has just found Chan again, and apparently he’s friends with Jisung. Yeah, Felix has to tolerate Minho, but otherwise things were looking pretty perfect. They’ve been so nice to him so far, and Felix was excited to maybe have a couple more people to sit with at lunch. Besides, it looks like all Minho does is perch on the windowsill and make snarky comments like a cat anyways. Felix can totally handle that, but Seo Changbin, yeah there’s no way. 

“So, uh, do you guys know each other or something?” Jisung wonders, through a mouthful of rice. 

“No.” Felix blurts.

“Yeah,” Changbin says, at the exact same time. 

Felix clenches his fists and tries to slow his breathing. He can see Minho muffling a grin out of the corner of his eye, and it only makes Felix clench his teeth even tighter. He wonders how long until he can make his escape. 

“Ooookay,” Chan drawls suspiciously, “Well anyways, now the whole crew’s here!” 

“Yeah! Hyung, get over here!” Jisung stands, gesturing wildly at Changbin. The older boy sighs, and heads over to where Felix is pulling Chan out of his seat as well. 

“Look,” Jisung grins once he’s organized the three of them in a line, “We’re 3racha!” 

Felix is speechless for a second, looking at the boys in front of him, two grinning faces and one scowling. He’s so bewildered that he can’t help but blurt the first thing that comes to his mind- 

“Um, like the hot sauce?”

Jisung leans over to smack Chan on the arm. “I told you it’s a stupid name.”

“No, shut up Jisung-ah,” Chan hisses, before turning to Felix with a grin, “Yeah, kind of like the hot sauce. We decided on it because there’s three of us in the group. We’re all rappers, and we like to make music to post online. We’ve got a little bit of a following, too.”

Felix nods slowly, trying to process. “So… you guys have created a secret studio hide-away thing in the abandoned 6th floor because you’re, what, soundcloud rappers?”

Chan pouts at Felix’s words, grumbling, “Our music isn’t only rap, it’s mostly hip hop with elements of electronica, future house, and trap influence as well.” 

“Right, of course.” Felix replies faintly.

“They’re fancy soundcloud rappers,” Minho drawls from his seat at the window.

“No we’re actually really good!” Jisung exclaims, shooting Minho a glare, “Chan-hyung is a crazy good producer, and Changbin-hyung can rap, like, 11 syllables per second!” 

“Okay and-” Felix turns to face Minho, who has his eyes closed, luxuriating in the cool breeze. “What are you then?”

Minho snorts. “I’m their cheerleader.”

Jisung’s face flushes, and Felix is suddenly very worried about what his friend may be imagining. Minho hops off the window sill delicately, brushing imaginary dust of the front of his slacks. “Actually I’m just hanging around ‘cause I take pity on Chan. I’m afraid he’ll wither away if he spends too much time around annoying 2nd years.” 

“Hey!” Jisung protests, and is about to continue before Chan interrupts, facing Felix once again. 

“I’d show you our stuff, but lunch hour is almost over. _Somebody_ took his time getting here and now we’re one day behind on the mixtape.” He sends a pointed look towards Changbin.

“Not my fault the lunch line takes forever.” Changbin replies testily. 

_Wow._ Besides the single ‘yes’ from earlier, Felix realizes that he’s never actually heard Changbin speak before. His voice is low with an element of roughness that matches his intimidating exterior. Felix can tell that it must sound amazing in rap, dark and assertive, yet not slurring a single syllable. Suddenly Felix itches to hear it in action. 

“Please,” Chan scoffs, “You know that all you have to do is glare at a couple first years and you’ll be at the front of the line.” 

“That’s an understatement. The great Seo Changbin could glare at anyone on campus and they’d immediately piss themselves,” Minho smirks teasingly. 

“It’s not my fault they’re afraid of me…” Changbin grumbles, running his hand through the buzzed hair on the back of his head. 

Jisung snorts. “Yeah, doubtful.” 

Felix is surprised to learn that Changbin seems to understand the impression others have of him. How could he not, though? The entire student population seems content to avoid him like the plague, save for this miscellaneous group. Felix almost feels bad for him, but then again, Changbin does come off as kind of terrifying. He seems like he must be a nice enough guy, especially if he’s friends with Chan and Jisung, but Felix isn’t entirely sure that he won’t still murder Felix once the others have left. He decides to stay on edge, just in case Changbin’s calm exterior is a facade. He would feel embarrassed, but it’s not like he’s the only one who’s wary of Changbin. 

“But-” Felix starts, flinching as all heads turn to face him, “Jisung-ah, why haven’t you told the others? They don’t know about this, right?

Jisung grumbles, crossing his arms across his chest petulantly. “I would love to, but Changbinie-hyung is apparently allergic to making new friends.”

“Don’t start on this again, guys…” Chan says, glancing back and forth between the boys.

“It’s a terrible idea. I’ve never talked to these kids, what’s to say that they won’t tell half the school about our studio? Then we won’t have anywhere to practice.” Changbin spits.

“They wouldn’t do that!” Jisung cries, “They’re nice guys! Felix, tell him that our friends wouldn’t tell anyone.” 

“Uhhhh,” Felix is petrified where he stands. He wants to agree with Jisung, but he’s also significantly afraid that if he does, Changbin won’t let him live another day. 

“As much as I enjoy this insistent bickering about the same washed up arguments,” Minho interrupts, stepping forward with a catlike smile, “We do really have to get going. 5th period’s next.” 

Chan looks down at his watch and groans, collecting up a chunky laptop resting on one of the desks and shoving it inside his book bag. “Shit, you’re right. Felix- it was really nice seeing you again! I hope you’ll join us for lunch sometime.”

Felix nods apprehensively, although he’s pretty sure that he’ll never take Chan up on his offer. This afternoon has been nothing short of overwhelmingly stressful, and Felix isn’t eager to repeat the experience. It’s not that he’s against their weird soundcloud music operation, but both Minho _and_ Changbin? Yeah, Felix can’t think of a duo he’d want to hang out with less, with the exception of maybe the boys from downstairs. Felix is still slightly scared that they’ll be waiting outside with a baseball bat or something. Despite his fear, he watches silently as Chan rushes from the classroom, Minho following him leisurely. 

“I should get going too, guys. I’ll see everyone next week!” Jisung chirps, saluting Felix and Changbin before fleeing the classroom in a flurry of papers.

Felix opens his mouth in protest, but Jisung is already long gone, the door bouncing in it’s frame in his wake. That seems to be the way that Jisung enters and exits every room, in a flurry of cheerful chaos, leaving bits of himself everywhere he goes. 

Felix still wasn’t acclimated to the fact that Changbin is part of Chan and Jisung’s secret rap group, but now he finds the two of them standing together in an empty classroom. This really does feel like the worst case scenario Felix could ever possibly think of. Felix and Chanbgin are silent, both staring haltingly at the door, neither wanting to be the first to break the silence. Felix can feel the impulse to nervous ramble bubbling up in his throat, but he pushes it down. Apparently Changbin does have the ability to speak, so it shouldn’t be up to Felix to start the conversation. He refuses to make himself look like an idiot again. 

“‘Cmon,” Changbin sniffs suddenly, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and heading for the door.

Felix is still frozen where he stands. “Sorry, what?”

Changbin turns back around to face him, and the power of his gaze once again has Felix frozen in place. “I’m assuming you still don’t know how to get out of here. Lets go.”

Felix wants to be angry, but that’s not untrue. Despite making the trek once before, Felix probably couldn’t make it back to the classroom alone if his life depended on it. He grumbles moodily, but follows Changbin out the creaky door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's chapter 5 everyone! this was simultaneously the most fun and most stressful one to write so far. I absolutely adore the scene where Felix keeps running into people he's met in the classroom it literally made me cackle so hard while I was writing it. the bully scene was so difficult though because yeah I've been bullied at school before, but they were never scary older guys, and they were also definitely never got7 members. 
> 
> I hope everyone's okay with me introducing more characters, I just felt like I didn't want to entirely limit it to stray kids members so it would be kind fun if I made it a JYP family type fic? I mean yes, there is the obvious plot hole that these specific got7 members are like 26 so it wouldn't make sense for them to be high school seniors (last year of high school, 18/19 years old), but I suppose I'm asking you all to suspend disbelief a little bit!
> 
> and of course, thank you all again for all your kind comments! to all the very sweet people wondering about sun poisoning- it's basically when you get so sunburned that your body stars getting flu like symptoms (fever, aching, chills etc.) it most just pisses me off because I feel like it makes no sense evolutionarily, but whatever it's not like I can fight it out with nature or anything. but that's all for today, sorry the chapter's coming a bit late, I think I'm going to shoot for uploads once a week. so, I guess I'll see you all in one week's time!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: implied use of recreational drugs (but not by any of the SKZ members), and anxiety attacks

After that particular Friday morning, Felix had no intention of ever stepping foot in the 6th floor ever again. Something about the combination of terrifying 3rd year bullies, a certain 2nd year who may or may not be a murderer, and the fact that the floor is strictly off limits, didn’t make Felix itch to return. 

The weekend passes uneventfully. Felix spends it hunched over his Korean workbooks until early hours of the morning, trying to get as much studying in as he could. He is pointedly  _ not  _ thinking about how his father hasn’t bothered to call him besides checking in to make sure he landed alright the second day. He supposes it’s to be expected, the two of them have never been close like that. Jeongin’s condition starts to improve by Sunday morning, but at that point he’s so behind in schoolwork that Felix doesn’t see him for hours. His first weekend off school in Korea passes like any other back in Australia. Maybe it’s a little lonely, but Felix is accustomed to that particular feeling. 

After an entirely predictable weekend, Felix is surprised during Monday lunch hour when Jisung grabs his wrist firmly with one of his sweater paws, and tugs Felix in the opposite direction of the cafeteria. Hyunjin and Suengmin send him duplicate questioning looks, but all Felix can do is shrug, baffled, before Jisung has dragged him down the hall. 

“Hold up, hold up. Where are we even going?” Felix cries, trying to dig his heels into the floor, his sneakers squeaking on the linoleum.

“Chan-hyung misses you!” Jisung chirps, shooting Felix a squirrely grin over his shoulder, “You’re going to sit in on our practice today!”

Before Felix knows it, that’s how it starts. He had never noticed the specific days that Jisung would slink off during lunch time, but now he learns that Monday, Wednesday and Friday are ‘3racha days.’ Three days a week Felix is rushed to the 6th floor, where he watches the 3racha boys work on their music. They spend the hour composing on Chan’s clunky laptop, updating their social media promotions, and recording original works and covers. It’s hard work, and Felix feels increased respect for Jisung who he had always assumed was somewhat of a slack-off student. Minho doesn’t always join them, but when he does, he always finds somewhere to perch nonchalantly like a cat, teasing Jisung until his face flushes bright red. 

Surprisingly, it’s a routine that Felix doesn’t mind settling into. His favorite desk is one with doodles all over the surface, sitting next to an open window that’s so rusted in place that not even Changbin can get it closed. Felix loves sitting there, the fall breeze ruffling his hair, but still comfortably warm because of his favorite zip-up hoodie thrown over his school uniform, so baggy that the sleeves reach long past his fingertips. There he can lean back in his chair, working through his schoolwork while he absentmindedly listens to the boys bicker louder than the sound of the music flowing from his headphones. 3racha are rowdy, but it’s somehow still quieter and more peaceful then the cafeteria. Felix supposes it’s a predictable kind of chaos, he knows that the boys will be arguing over their next cover as well as he knows the peeling wallpaper and the cracked windows. 

6th floor lunches are a breath of fresh air for Felix, and he finally understands what this place is to Chan and the others. This shitty classroom, in all it’s dusty glory, is a place for them to finally be themselves, express themselves in their music. That doesn’t make Felix feel any less guilty about lying to his friends, though. 

Sometimes Jeongin looks so dejected when Jisung begins to pull Felix away at the start of lunch hour that Felix wants to spill everything right there, but he knows it’s not fair to the others. It’s their secret meeting spot that Changbin obviously doesn’t want anyone to know about, so it’s not Felix's place to tell anyone about it. He’s only been there for about a week anyways, while the others have been producing there since Chan was a 1st year. They’ve even converted an adjacent broom closet into a recording room, with foam padding on the walls, and a microphone set up that Chan bought from a pawn shop a year ago. It’s their sanctuary, not Felix’s, so of course he can’t tell anybody. No matter how much it kills him to see his host brother pout. 

During lunch on Friday, guilt is eating Felix alive. He can’t stop thinking about Jeongin asking if they could eat lunch together last night, and being so disappointed when Felix said something came up. Between studying in the library and watching 3racha practices, Felix feels like he never sees the younger boy anymore. 

“Why does ‘Lix’s face look like that?” Minho asks as he saunters into the room, dropping off his lunch bag on a nearby desk and hopping up onto the teacher’s desk at the head of the classroom. 

Jisung doesn’t look up from where he’s thumbing through a thick book on music composition. “He feels bad ‘cause Jeongin’s been guilt tripping him all day.”

Felix shakes himself out of his thoughts, bangs fluttering over his eyes before he can brush them back. It takes him a second to find the right words, translating what he would like to say into Korean. “Innie’s not guilt tripping me or anything, I  _ did  _ promise him that I’d look at his trig homework sometime this week but I never got around to it. I guess I just feel guilty lying to everyone about where I am half the week.” he replies sheepishly. 

“Lying by omission is barely lying,” Minho rolls his eyes, “why are you such a boy scout? I’m sure Jeongin is a big boy who can harass your other 2nd year friends about his homework.”

“I know it’s not a big deal. I’m just bad at keeping secrets.” Felix mumbles, squirming in his seat.

He fists the sleeves of his hoodie, resting his chin on his hands. He doesn’t want to be dramatic, but he can’t help jut out his lower lip a little bit, sulking. Minho doesn’t have to be so rude about it, Felix can’t help what he feels guilty about. Minho sighs in response, and there’s a thump from the other side of the room which Felix can tell is the sound of Changbin’s chunky boots sliding off the desk and landing on the floor. 

Sometimes Chan is late to arrive, usually busy helping teachers carry their books across campus or something like the model student he is, leaving the others to sit in silence. On these days Jisung and Felix will often chat as they get started on their work, but Changbin always slumps in his chair across the room, headphones shoved in his ears refusing to engage in any conversation. Jisung and Changbin seem to be good friends, but Changbin is never eager to speak with Felix present. Felix is always guilty seeing the other boy sit in silence, knowing he makes Changbin uncomfortable. In all honesty, he’s probably intruding on Changbin’s space, but Jisung insists on his presence. 

Chan enters the room at that moment, bustling over to the ring of desks and immediately beginning to organize stacks of loose music sheets. It’s not uncommon to see Chan in a music-stress induced haze, composing like a madman and only paying half attention to anyone speaking to him. Felix doesn’t expect any interaction from Chan today, until he’s snapped out of his trance by Changbin strolling over, clearing his throat. 

“Um- I was thinking. It’s fine if Jisung-ah wants to tell his friends about our meetings, or something.” Changbin states suddenly, coughing into his fist.

“What!?” Jisung almost falls out of his chair, “just a week ago you were telling me that they could come hang out over your dead body!”

Changbin’s eyes scan the room shiftily. “Well, I’ve been thinking it over for a while, and decided it might not be all that bad.”

“Bullshit, hyung. What game are you playing at?” Jisung challenges, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. 

“Let’s call it like it is,” Minho smirks, pushing himself off the desk, “Changbin-ah couldn’t stand seeing our little ‘Lixie pout all lunch Wednesday.” 

_ What? Me?  _ Felix thinks as all eyes turn to face him.  _ Changbin wouldn’t compromise on something this important just because he feels bad for me, would he? _

Felix’s eyes meet Changbin’s through the silence, and he’s staring back at Felix, gaze panicked but still piercing. His dark eyes are still painfully captivating, but Felix can’t relax in the dark stare. Changbin’s eyes widen slightly as they meet, and he shakes his head slightly, before turning to glare at Minho. 

“What? No! Look, I just thought it might be a good idea for more people to know that this classroom is ours, especially with those 3rd years wandering around up here lately. This has nothing to do with him.” Changbin waves a hand dismissively in Felix’s direction. 

Felix can’t help but feel a little insulted. 

“Whatever you say, lover boy.” Minho sings, busying himself with his lunch. 

“L-loverboy?” Changbin splutters, hands clenching into fists at his sides. 

Chan, with his infinite skill for breaking tension, slams down his notebooks on the desk and shoots Changbin a smile. “It sounds like a great idea. I’m sure it’ll be nice to have a couple more kids around, Jisungie and Felix can tell them before next practice.”

Jisung nods in agreement, looking suspiciously satisfied. Changbin huffs and shoves his hands into the pockets of his uniform slacks, kicking the leg of a chair as he stalks back over to his seat. Changbin’s mood has abruptly shifted from awkward to his default pissed off, and Felix can imagine that if he was a cartoon character, there would be a black cloud hovering above his head once again. He can’t tell for sure, but Felix thinks he hears Changbin mutter under his breath something like, “-already regretting this, oh god,” as he flops down in his seat. 

Felix himself is vaguely aware that his face must be bright red at this point. He’s not really accustomed to having all the attention focused on him during these lunch practices, and the power of it makes him cower in his seat. The idea that Seo Changbin, the most terrifying person Felix has ever met, could be trying to make Felix more comfortable is hard to comprehend. He always assumed Changbin hated him, but could it really be like Minho said? Then again, Changbin denied it pretty heavily.  _ It’s probably nothing,  _ Felix decides, but he’s still aware of his flushed face. 

“Is there a restroom somewhere up here?” Felix asks the room, trying not to bring attention to his flustered state. 

“Yeah, there should be one at the end of the hall. It’s in pretty bad condition, but we use it fairly often and the plumbing hasn't failed us yet, so you should be fine,” Chan replies with a thumbs up. 

Felix nods in acknowledgment before fleeing the classroom as subtly as he can. Once in the hallway, he lets out a breath he didn;t know he was holding, trying not to cough at the dusk particles clouding the air. 

The bathroom is empty, and in as bad disarray as Chan had suggested. There’s rotting toilet paper in piles on the floor, a urinal sitting in the corner that’s been torn from the wall, and... a stack of bottles in the corner? Felix enters cautiously, but relaxes once he realizes the room does seem to truly be empty. 

Before he can begin his business, Felix suddenly picks up the sound of footsteps echoing down the hallway. He turns to the door, expecting Chan or Jisung to enter, but a boisterous laugh makes him freeze. It’s a dark cackle, raspy and strong. Most of all, it doesn’t sound like any of Felix’s friends. It could be someone he knows, but the fear that it could be the intimidating 3rd years that everyone has been mentioning is stronger. Felix would much rather be caught hiding in a bathroom stall by one of his friends than have another run-in with some sketchy students. 

Felix only has a couple seconds to scan the room, settling on a stall that seems to have an intact lock. He rushes to cram himself inside, locking the door with as much haste as he can while trying to remain silent. The door slams open with a bang, and Felix instinctually shoots up his legs to rest on top of the toilet seat so that they won’t be visible from underneath the stall door. Years of practice hiding in school bathrooms is finally benefiting him somehow. Through the crack he can see two large figures walk over to the sink, making him shrink back against the wall. They both have red 3rd year ties, but their builds are much too sturdy to be Chan and Minho. Felix has definitely stumbled into a situation he should not be a part of. 

Felix bites down on the sleeve of his uniform jacket to muffle the sound of his breathing, already labored from stress. His heartbeat is pumping in his ear once again, but he can make out the intruders’s deep voices over the sound of the rapid thumping. 

“You lookin’ to skip 5th period Jaebeom-ah?” one of the boys drawl, and Felix can see him run a hand through his carmel hair and lean up against the sink from in between the crack of the stall.

_ So it is the same boys from that one day,  _ Felix realizes with a start. He clasps a hand over his mouth, not trusting the volume of his own breath.

“Yeah of course. Mrs. Choi has it out for me, I swear. I ain’t spending any more time in that class then I have to for a passing grade,” the one with the longer hair scoffs, and both boys chuckle. 

There’s a moment of silence, and Felix tenses, impulsive squeezing his eyes shut. What would they say if they found him in here, especially after he ran last time. Would they think he followed them on purpose? Would they actually hurt him? What is it with Felix and running into people in bathrooms? Why couldn’t he have a terrifying experience somewhere pleasant one of these days- maybe a nice park?

Felix’s foot slips on the toilet lid, and he gasps, muffled by his own palm pressed to his lips. He had been spiraling already, not paying attention to where he’s sitting. It’s obvious that they’ll find him now, and then he’ll be totally dead. Felix braces himself for the stall door to be flung open, but another raspy chuckle breaks the silence. 

“You know you’re seriously going to get in trouble for rolling up in here one of these days?” 

Felix’s eyes fly open just in time to see the other boy, who must be Jaebeom, roll his eyes, his hands busy somewhere below where Felix can see. 

“Since when did you become a hall monitor?” Jaebeom grumbles, “Besides, there’s never anyone up here anyways.”

“Pfft, yeah, except for that one kid,” the boy with the interesting accent replies, grabbing someone from Jaebeom’s hands and bringing it up to his lips. 

“Man, I forgot about him. That kid’s gotta have some kind of complex, speaking back to his seniors like that. Nobody likes those kinds of self-righteous freaks anyways.” 

Felix sucks in a sharp breath, heartbeat increasing as his mind spins. It has to be him that they’re talking about, right? Felix was hoping they wouldn’t remember, but Jaebeom seems to be the type to hold grudges. The words cut like a knife, stinging somewhere deep inside him and making his breath stutter. It feels like they’ve thrusted a hand inside an open wound, one that had been gaping for a long time, just beginning to heal after a week in Korea. 

Obvious to the whirlwind occupying Felix’ mind, the other boy just hums, passing what was in his hands back to Jaebeom. He leans his head against the wall, a lazy sharkline grin on his features. He’s obviously not paying attention, his eyes a little glassy, but Jaebeom still continues. 

“I swear Jackson-ah, if I see that little shit again… Ah, hell, It doesn't even matter. I doubt he’s even got anyone to tell, I’d be surprised if anyone wants to be  _ his _ friend _ ,”  _ Jaebeom growls, taking a drag.

Felix doesn’t even notice his vision blurring, until he feels the wetness roll down his cheek. After the first drip on his uniform slacks, they can’t seem to stop rolling down his cheeks and causing his breath to hiccup. He can’t do anything besides clamp down his jaw on his uniform sleeve, hoping the fabric will mask the heavy sobs that are wracking his body. The words echo in his head,  _ nobody likes him, no friends, freak.  _ He knows this is not the time, and definitely not the place to be having such a reaction, but now that it’s started, there’s no way to stop it. 

_ So stupid. You thought that you could pretend, but it always comes back to this. Just like they said, you’re a freak. Why keep lying to everyone when it’s obvious that’s all you’ll ever be,  _ Felix spits at himself, a familiar dark voice in his head whispering the insecurities in his ear. 

“Slow down, we can’t get shitfaced in the middle of the goddamn school day,” Felix hears Jackson taunt, slinging his bag over his shoulder, “C’mon let’s get some air. We definitely have enough time to stop at 7-11 before 6th.” 

“Yeah, yeah..” Jaebeom replies, and before Felix knows it the two are headed for the door. 

He misses their conversation as they leave, because the second the door swings shut, the damn breaks. His breath is hiccuping, cheeks wet, fists clenched so tight that there are red crescents engraved in his skin. Felix tries to make an effort to muffle himself, knowing the boys could return any moment, but it’s half-hearted.  _ Why should I even bother, they already know I’m trash, maybe I deserve it.  _

The thoughts scare him, creeping up like an inky black cloud. It’s been a while since he’s felt so insecure, felt this consuming hatred. Felix knows just a couple comments shouldn’t send him into this state, but he can’t help the familiar spiral. This is how it always goes. Just when Felix begins to get comfortable, he’s always reminded of the reality- reminded of how much of a failure he is. Felix clenches his jaw tighter. This is how it always goes. 

He presses his palms to his eyes, grinding them down heavily on the sockets, trying to shut out the outside world. The darkness helps, for just a second, until he hears the door slam open once again. 

“Felix? I saw those guys leave and realized you must have still been in the bathroom, are you okay?” It’s Chan’s voice. 

Felix feels relief deep in his bones, but he can't stop himself from shutting down once again. How pathetic would it be for Chan to find him in this state for the second time? Better not to say anything, then maybe Chan will go away and leave Felix alone, like he should be.

Felix holds his breath, but he can hear the older boy approach the stall door cautiously. It’s obvious where Felix is hiding, he knows his sniffles may as well be sobs in the silent bathroom. Felix feels his chin tremble as he notices Chan’s converse once again visible from underneath the stall door. Talk about déjà vu. 

“Felix, I don’t think you’re doing okay. Can you open the door for me?” Chan’s voice is soft, soothing, but Felix can't help the way he tenses. 

He shrinks against the wall, shaking his head so rapidly that it aches, just wishing that Chan would go away. Why can’t he just leave Felix alone like he deserves? He feels stupid a second later, realizing that Chan obviously can’t see him shake his head, but the older boy seems to get the message. 

“Okay, okay. No problem. I hope you don’t mind if I hang out here for a second though, things are too loud in the practice room, and I need somewhere to take a rest.” 

It’s an excuse, and they both know it. For someone who’s so amazing with words, Chan barely put any effort into making that convincing. Felix realizes that maybe that was the point, though, as Chan turns around, sliding down until he’s sitting on the floor, back resting on the stall door. He begins to tap a rhythm on the tile, slow and soothing, and Felix notices his breath unconsciously slow to match the pace. 

After a couple seconds of heavy silence, Chan starts. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know. And yeah, I know everyone says that, and it’s like ‘yeah, easy for you to say.’ But it really isn’t. I used to struggle with this stuff too. Well, I still struggle with this. You never really stop struggling with anxiety, you just get better at handling it. It gets better though, it really does.” 

Felix’s breath leaves him with a woosh, and he’s feeling like a deflated balloon, curled up pathetically on the toilet seat. It’s not just him? Of course he knew that abstractly, everyone struggles with anxiety, but hearing someone actually say it makes such a difference. Especially from Chan- responsible, put-together, charismatic Chan. Everyone loves him, he’s the perfect student, the perfect friend. To think that Chan actually may have struggled as much as Felix makes his head spin. 

“You do have to do something about it though, you can’t live like this Lixie.” Chan continues softly. 

The words are simple, but it feels like they’re tearing Felix open once again.

“Look, I haven’t known you that long, and I know this really isn’t my place, but if I can help, I want to. I really do. It took me a while to realize it, but the only thing that really helps is finding a way to cope. Find an outlet, a way to express yourself. As much as my own mind tried to hurt me, the only thing that was really injuring me was keeping it bottled up inside. I know it sounds cheesy, but once I found music, I found that place. And it’s not just me. I can’t tell you much, because it’s not my story to tell, but 3racha is that place for Changbin and Hannie as well. And I think it could be for you too.”

“Hannie?” Felix hadn’t even realized he had spoken, until he heard his own voice, scratchy from the strain of his sobbing, echo meekly in the empty room. “But he’s so… happy. All the time.”

“There’s always more going on that we can’t see. You of all people should know that, Felix.” 

Chan’s voice is grave, and it makes Felix’s cheeks burn red with shame, but he understands. He’s suddenly overwhelmed with a wave of affection for Chan, with his kind words, and wide smiles. He had never imagined the power it must have taken to keep those grins on his face. 

Felix can imagine him vividly, Chan at age 12 or 13, an exchange student from Australia with no friends and the pressure of overwhelming anxiety. A boy who found a way to cope, and has been extending that olive branch to others ever since. A boy who found his family in a strange place- it makes Felix wonder if he could do the same. For the first time he really understands that visceral need that Chan feels to help others. Before it had seemed strange, maybe even a little silly, but everyone had a certain amount of respect for Bang Chan who felt like he could change the world. Now, curled in a bathroom stall with tear stained cheeks, Felix wants that too. It’s a desire that settles so deeply in his bones that he feels himself shake with the power of it. 

“Let’s make a deal. How about you write me something. I don’t care what it’s about, and I won’t judge you for any of it, I just want to hear you, okay?”

Felix’s head is pounding with all the thoughts whirling through his mind, but at the same time, it feels strangely empty. It’s like there’s a hurricane storming outside, but Felix is protected, huddled under his blankets, safe for just a moment. The answer is easy, comes to him quickly in a way that decisions never do, and he doesn’t even have time to second-guess himself before he answers, “Okay.” 

Chan hears the telltale click of the door being unlocked, and he scrambles to his feet. When he turns to face Felix, he finds the younger boy staring back at him with red rimmed eyes, but a determined look in his stare. Chan can’t help but smile as he reaches out a hand. 

“Let’s write a song, Lixie.”

→

Felix has taken to walking home on days like these, when there’s a lot to think about, and it feels like there’s not enough room for all those thoughts inside Felix’s head. Today more than ever, he’s heavy with the weight of a million anxieties. It makes Felix think of bouncing rubber balls against the chain link fence of the schoolyard on sweltering days. Some days it feels like there’s a million little kids, all bouncing their rubber balls on the walls of his mind. Strolling down the weaving streets helps on days like these, the crunch of the leaves quieting the chaos in his head. 

As he turns onto his street, he’s surprised to feel the buzz of his phone vibrating in his back pocket. He checks the caller ID before picking up, but he knows it must be the only person who ever calls him, his father. 

“Felix. Glad you picked up, son.” His dad’s voice is gruff, the way it always is, but there’s the undercurrent of affection that Felix has come to recognize if he listens carefully. 

“Hi dad, I didn’t know you’d be calling.” Felix leans up against a cinderblock wall, tilting back his head to gaze up at the cloudy sky.

“Yeah, well, I figured I would call and check in. See how you’ve been doing.” 

Felix sighs. He supposes it’s good that his dad’s finally decided to see how he’s doing, regardless of how long it’s been. 

“I’m doing pretty good. Everyone is super kind here. My host family- the Yangs- they’re really nice. I think you’d like them.” 

The english words feel foreign on his tongue after so long. His friends have asked him to say a couple phrases here and there, and sometimes ask Chan questions in english if he’s confused, but it’s been a while since he’s carried an entire conversation in his first language. 

“Good, good,” Felix’s father replies gruffly. There’s an awkward pause. “And your studies? Those are all going well?”

“Yes dad, I’m learning a lot. My grades are good, and I can speak a lot more Korean than before.” Felix recites. 

It’s easy enough to answer his father’s generic questions, but he still feels uncomfortable. Felix and his dad, they don’t have these kind of father-son conversations. In fact, despite living together back in Australia, they didn’t used to talk much at all. It shows in his father’s stilted replies. Only a couple minutes into the phone call, and the conversation is strained, the silence tense. Felix appreciates the effort though, he knows his father doesn’t enjoy phone conversations. 

"I suppose you should be calling me Appa these days then,” his father jokes faintly. 

Felix is silent for a moment. “You’ve never wanted me to do that, dad.” 

“Yes- yes you’re right.” 

His father had never wanted to be called Appa, Felix knows this for a fact. His father had never wanted anything to do with Korea, pushing away memories, suppressing their heritage, never letting Felix feel like he had a connection to something greater than him. He saw it when his father suggested he watch American cartoons instead of Korean ones when he was a child, or how he frowned when Felix had mentioned one day at dinner that he was learning the language. Calling his father Appa, that would have never been accepted. It was a rude joke, not intentionally, but it still cut deep. 

“I guess I just-” his father sighs, “You know you don’t need to do this. I know you want to feel closer to her but-”

“That’s not what this is about.” Felix interrupts, voice cold. 

“Felix, son, I-” there’s a note of frustration is his dad’s usually emotionless tone. 

“You know what dad?” Felix ducks his head, pushing off the wall, “I just remembered I have a lot of homework tonight. I think I need to get going.”

Felix doesn’t even try to make the excuse convincing, he knows his anger will show regardless in his bitter tone. He had known that his dad didn’t really understand, but it was another thing to hear him say it aloud. Doesn’t he understand that this is important for Felix? It’s about more than just his father’s baggage, this is an opportunity for Felix to find his place. Sure, maybe he doesn’t know where he’s running quite yet, but this is a start. This is maybe closer than he’s ever been. 

Felix barely hears his father reply before he’s hung up the phone, shoving it deep in his trousers pocket. He inhales deeply to calm his breath, before setting off down the street again, leaves crunching under his feet. He’ll get there eventually, no matter what his dad says. Felix knows it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys remember when I said I'd update once a week? oops yeah that was really funny. anyways! this chapter took a while cause it was actually a little difficult to write, especially the bathroom scene. as someone who has struggled quite a bit with anxiety, it's hard to describe someone else being in that dark place. I hope this may be a little helpful for any readers who may be struggling currently, though! what Chan said was partially to further the plot, but I do think it's helpful to remember the importance of coping skills. anyone who's out there currently having a hard time, I would really recommend taking his advice.
> 
> speaking of my lovely readers, I hope you all enjoyed that changlix development! don't worry, changbin isn't going to be tsundere forever, things are definitely going to progress a lot between them next chapter. plus, this chapter revealed some of where the story will be headed in the future, and I'm going to be changing the summery of the fic soon. much developments! I love, love, love reading what you guys think, so feel free to leave a comment with your predictions, or just what you thought about the chapter. otherwise, that's about it, see y'all next time!


	7. Chapter 7

Felix is in serious danger of snapping this pencil in half.

He never expected writing lyrics to be easy, especially his first time. It’s just that 3racha seems to produce songs at lightning speed! Wherever they open Chan’s laptop to work, he can see the mp4 files littering the desktop, and he knows Chan’s got to have 5 more flash drives full at home. They seem to have no issue churning out music, and never any issue writing lyrics. He’s even seen them freestyle, making up amazing raps on the spot. 

Felix can’t expect to get it perfect on his first try, but it would sure be nice if he had _something_ to put on the page. He blames his friends for making the whole thing look so easy. The crisp, white, college ruled paper stares back at him, almost mocking. It’s been half an hour already, and all Felix has to show for it are a couple eraser smudges. 

He slams down his forehead on the desk and groans. The 6th floor is surely empty now, an hour after classes have ended, so Felix doesn’t hesitate to grumble his displeasement into the grimey surface of the desk. Chan had given him a huge smile when he had asked if it was okay to work in the classroom after school, and even given him the key to the lock he had installed on the makeshift recording-closet door. It was the return of “Dad Chan” as Felix liked to call it, those moments when he looked so randomly fatherly. He had been so, _so_ excited, patting Felix on the back and wishing him the best of luck. He’s going to be so, _so_ disappointed when he realizes that Felix hasn’t written a single thing. 

For the most part, Felix hasn’t ever tried writing lyrics before, and he’s too scared to start. But at the same time, he’s also scared that if he starts writing, something terrible will come out. It’s easy to push through his intrusive thoughts, but much harder to brave them out in the open on paper. It’s almost as if he writes what he really feels, then the insecurities will become real, something that he has to face. He knows this is all part of coping like Chan had mentioned, but it just feels like it would be so much easier if he just didn’t acknowledge that it’s happening at all. Felix continues to beat himself up mentally for being too scared to write a single thing, and the page remains blank. 

A gust of wind drifts through the open window, sending a stack of papers on a nearby desk fluttering to the ground. Before he realizes it, Felix has jumped from his seat, rushing to collect them before they become dirtied by the floor or float out the open window. He’s able to grasp many of them from the air, and as the thin paper crumbles in his grip, he recognizes the dark, scribbled characters as Changbin’s handwriting. 

Felix sighs in exhaustion after he’s gathered as many as he can and proceeds to stack them back on the table, pinning them down with an empty soda can sitting on the desk. It’s sheets upon sheets of lyrics, and Felix is stunned by the sheer amount of work that Changbin has been able to accomplish in the past week. As he straightens the stacks, Felix gets a dangerous thought.

_He’s written so many lyrics, and just left them sitting out recklessly, what’s the harm in taking a little peek? I’m sure it’s nothing super personal, and I do really need the help…_

If Changbin knew that Felix read his lyrics he would probably actually murder him this time. On top of that, it’s a serious invasion of privacy. Felix knows all this, and yet, he’s never claimed to have the best morals. He doesn’t have any lyrics yet, and he can’t bear to disappoint Chan after he promised he would write them. Felix needs this help. 

Guilt simmers deep in Felix’s stomach as he flips over the first sheet of paper. The title at the top scrawled in messy script is “42.” Felix takes a deep breath before continuing, eyes scanning the lines rapidly. 

_1999, the year I was born_

_I chose the pen since my 100 day ceremony_

_But for 3 years I've been struggling,_

_I do hip hop,_

_I write lyrics_

_I’ve learnt after 3 years of hardships_

_Not eloquent or overdone,_

_But simply me,_

_The truthful me_

_Usually I drag along written with all of my heart_

_Even If I don't choose a topic_

_Every moment becomes one_

_"There's no reason for living"_

_I have trust in that_

_In the future my lyrics will be collected and criticized by those around me_

“Yah, Lee Felix.”

Felix’s heart jumps to his throat as he spins around, already knowing who must be standing in the doorway. Changbin’s face is grim, thick eyebrows furrowed in anger, and Felix feels himself tremble in the dark gaze. Of course Changbin would show up at this exact moment. Sure, Changbin would have had to come back for his papers at some point, but why did it have to be at the exact moment that Felix decided to snoop? Before he can stop it, his breath is speeding up, as he stands there, paralyzed. Felix is absently aware that he’s making a fool of himself once again, shaking like a leaf in front of Seo Changbin, but he can’t stop his panic. 

“Aish,” Changbin sighs, breaking their eye contact and stalking over to the desk. 

Felix flinches on instinct as Changbin approaches, eyes squeezing shut impulsively. To his surprise, the punch he was waiting for never comes, and he apprehensively cracks open his eyes. Changbin has reached past where Felix stands blocking the desk and is silently collecting his papers. There doesn’t seem to be any aggressive intent in his face, but Felix hasn’t been great at judging character so far. 

_Okay, he’s not going to beat me up for reading his lyrics, that’s good. Unless… he’s collecting his papers first to make sure they’re safe before he destroys me!?_ Felix’s mind rushes. 

Felix’s head shoots up, and he finds himself staring at the smooth expanse of Changbin’s neck. He’s standing less than a foot away from Felix, his arm wound around Felix’s back to access the desk behind him. They’re not touching, but their chests can’t be more than a couple inches away, and Felix realizes abruptly that he’s close enough to smell Changbin’s cologne. The smoky scent is enough for Felix to forget for a second that if he takes a step forward he’ll be pressed against the length of Changbin’s body. Felix had never noticed how broad his shoulders are, making his presence seem suffocating, but inexplicably Felix doesn’t want him to pull away. The close proximity is doing _something_ to Felix’s head, and he wonders not for the first time why he can’t seem to ever think straight in the other boy’s presence. 

Felix stares dumbfounded at the tense of Changbin’s jaw as he peers over Felix’s shoulder, until he pulls back, papers in hand, to meet Felix’s gaze. There’s something that almost seems like a smile in Changbin’s eyes as he scans Felix’s flushed face. 

“You’ve been coming to our practices for a little over a week at this point, I’d think you’d stop being scared that I’d beat you up by now.” Changbin’s voice is as deep as always, but there’s a new flavor of amusement in his tone. 

“No I- it’s not that, it’s just that- aren’t you angry I’m reading your lyrics?” Felix splutters anxiously. 

_Great job Felix, bring his attention back to how you've obviously invaded his privacy, just when he seemed like he was going to let it slide. And you keep saying you don’t have a death wish…_

Changbin huffs out a laugh. “Yeah I am. Don’t do it again.”

He draws back from Felix, taking with him the heat that had lingered on Felix even through their thick uniform vests. Felix realizes abruptly that this is definitely the longest conversation they’ve ever had. The thought immediately makes him anxious, but at the same time, a strange giddy happiness simmers in the back of his mind. Changbin’s shaking his head as he turns to leave, papers pressed neatly to his chest, but there’s a hint of a smile on his lips. Maybe it was that little smile, maybe it was the way that Changbin initiated contact so easily, or maybe it was pure insanity that made Felix reach out to grasp his wrist, preventing him from leaving. 

“Changbin-ah, I need to write lyrics. You’ll help me, won’t you? I don’t know how to do it.” Felix blurts, words spilling out before he can stop them.

Changbin spins around warily to face him, and Felix can see the moment that he opens his mouth to protest, before stopping and sighing. “Not good at Korean my ass, you know just what to say,” he grumbles under his breath, tugging his wrist from Felix’s grasp.

Felix’s heart sinks, assuming the worst, before Changbin pushes past him, flopping down at a desk and gazing up at him expectantly. 

“Ok fine. What’d you got so far? 

Felix hesitates, before creeping over to sit in the desk beside Changbin. He can feel the other boy’s eyes on him, but he can’t meet his gaze as he pulls out the blank sheet of paper. “Well... nothing so far.”

“What- nothing?” Changbin asks, voice indignant. 

Felix’s head shoots up to face Changbin, lips already turned down into a pout. “I didn’t ask you to judge my progress, I asked you to help me!”

Changbin’s eyes narrow. Felix suddenly feels very cold in the nearly empty classroom. He’s starting to shrink under the dark stare, before Changbin takes a deep breath to calm himself, and starts again. 

“Okay well, what do you want to be writing about?”

Felix stares down at the scratched surface of the desk as if it will supply him with a less humiliating answer. “Um,” Felix mumbles, shifting nervously in his chair, “I hadn’t really thought of that either.”

Changbin’s expression darkens once again. 

“This is hopeless,” He declares, standing up abruptly, and Felix can only watch in horror as he moves to gather his belongings.

Felix is proud that he resists the urge to grab Changbin’s wrist once again. He is less proud of how he slams his hand on the desk, pinning Changbin’s papers out of his reach. Changbin eyes fly to where Felix has his hand pressed to Changbin’s papers, and then to Felix himself, who is staring at him with determination in his eyes. Changbin’s face is a picture of outrage once again, but this time Felix won’t budge. 

The thing is, he just can’t let Changbin leave. Felix doesn’t know why, but he needs to do this. It’s more than just the weight of the promise he made to Chan. Deep down, Felix knows this will help. He has to complete these lyrics, and he can’t do it without Changbin’s help. He can’t survive another half an hour staring at his blank paper before he gives up and decides to head home. Chan had said that Felix needs to take the initiative to make a change, and Felix supposes that this is just that. 

He knows that Changbin probably wouldn’t reply very kindly to threats though, so he goes for the next best route. Felix carefully draws back his hand from the papers and fixes his face with his most charismatic smile. 

“Please? Please hyung?” Felix says, widening his eyes for dramatic effect. 

Changbin’s expression is immediately horrified. “Yah, I’m barely older than you, don’t call me that!”

“I’ll stop if you help me,” Felix sings, “...hyung.”

“Gah, fine!” Changbin cries, flopping back into the chair. He’s refusing to meet Felix’s eyes, and it must be the lighting in the classroom or something, but it almost looks like there’s a red tint to his cheeks. 

“Okay look, we’ve got a track we’re working on right now, and we’re hoping this might be a big one. Composing is a lot easier when you’ve already got a sense of the beat and backing track, so we’ll let you get in on this one.” Changbin explains as he pulls out his phone, navigating to pull up an mp4 file. 

A delicate piano melody echoes in the empty classroom, and Felix is quieted immediately by the smooth notes. The song escalated slowly, a smooth beat and the bass rising until it breaks into the chorus. The familiar melody of the synths and the deep thump of the beat leaving Felix captivated as he nods along to the rhythm. It’s good, amazing in fact. Suddenly Felix understands what Changbin meant, there’s no way that it wouldn’t be a hit. 

The music cuts off abruptly as Changbin shuts off his phone, oblivious to how Felix’s mind is already whirling. “That’s what you’ll be working with.”

Felix meets Changbin’s gaze, eyes wide in wonder. “What’s it called?” He asks, not able to stop himself from leaning across the desk in excitement. 

The ghost of the smile is back on Changbin’s lips. “Hellevator.”

→

The lyric writing process is slow and difficult. Changbin had suggested writing down key words and themes he wanted to include, and Felix was surprised to see him pull out Google translate on his phone, with the reasoning that Felix must be hindered by the language barrier. The once blank paper is now littered with scribbles, words dancing freely across the paper without any organization. They’re not anywhere close to being lyrics, but Felix feels some of the chaos ease in his mind as it spills down onto the once blank sheet. There’s something beautiful about the combination of loops and lines, Changbin’s chicken scratch next to Felix’s carefully neat handwriting. 

Felix’s head is beginning to ache from staring down at the paper for so long, so he decides to rest his eyes, choosing to gaze at the dark haired boy next to him instead. Changbin is hunched over his notebook, expression tight and eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He’s really trying to be helpful, that much is evident in the focused tik in his jaw, and Felix can’t help but admire his profile gratefully. Chanbin’s hair has flopped into his eyes with the force of his scribbling, and Felix has to resist the urge to reach over and pull it back. _What are you even thinking Felix? You have no sense of self-preservation,_ he chastises himself. 

They’re both so caught up in their work that they don’t notice the classroom growing darker and the afternoon slipping into evening until Felix realises that he can’t hear the sound of students roughhousing in the yard anymore. Felix sits up straight, rubbing at his drooping eyes, and squinting out the open window. It’s not quite dark yet, but he can see a street lamp flicker to life on the street.

“Oh gosh, how late is it?”

Changbin looks up from where he had been transposing the most common rhyming characters into Felix’s notebook. “What? Oh, I don’t know.”

Felix scrambles to pull his phone out of his pocket, almost knocking their papers off the desk in his hurry. Changbin sighs in exasperation, collecting their work. Felix taps the screen, and groans as the icy light highlights his face. 

“It’s already six-fifteen! Mrs. Yang is totally gonna kill me.” He cries, running a hand through his messy hair. 

“Yeah? And who’s fault is that?” Changbin mutters, nonchalantly zipping up his backpack.

Felix glares at the other boy testily. “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

He snatches his notebook from Changbin’s hands, shoving it deep inside his backpack and slinging in over his shoulder. Changbin rolls his eyes, and heads for the door, Felix trailing behind. The hallway is even darker without the light from outside, and their shadows cast far ahead of them like lumbering giants. The thump of Changbin’s boots on the linoleum floors feels ten times louder in the empty darkness, and Felix is startled, almost grabbing onto the wrist of Changbin’s blazer in panic. When he speaks, Changbin’s voice is booming as it echoes off the peeling walls. 

“Look, all I’m saying is you aren’t the most attentive person ever.”

“Not attentive?” Felix splutters. He’s pretty sure he knows what that word means, and it feels pretty damn inaccurate. “That’s coming from you! You don’t even do anything in class besides scribble in your notebook, and you say I’m not attentive!”

Changbin looks back over his shoulder, sending Felix an insufferable smirk. “You been watching me, Lee Felix?”

Felix gasps, speeding up to meet Changbin’s rapid pace so the two of them are walking side by side as they descend the dark stairwell. Felix can’t even speak for a moment, collecting his thoughts before he blurts, “No! Why would I be watching you? That’s stupid.”

Changbin scoffs as the two of them burst out the stairwell door onto the grassy field. “Okay well if you’re so attentive, why did I have to spend twenty minutes teaching you what a bpm is?”

“I’m not good at Korean!” Felix cries. 

Changbin spins to face him, and suddenly the two of them are facing each other in the empty field. The silence suddenly feels suffocating, only the chirp of nearby crickets breaking the sound of their own breaths. The field is dark, but Changbin’s face is highlighted by the warm glow of a nearby street lamp, enough so that Felix can see his expression is dark once again. It’s a silent staring match, the two of them glaring at each other in the dawning light. Felix is absently aware that the wet grass is soaking the ankles of his slacks but he refuses to budge. 

“Bullshit you aren’t good at Korean. You’re just bad at writing lyrics.” Changbin spits haughtily.

Felix feels his composition crumble. “But… I thought you said I was improving?” His voice is meek, and he’s embarrassed by the way it trembles on the last syllable. 

“Well I-” Changbin doesn’t meet Felix’s gaze. “I was wrong.”

The silence grows between them again, Felix staring at Changbin in shock, and Changbin gazing pointendy at a point somewhere over Felix’s shoulder. Before he can stop it, Felix’s anger is back in full force, and he clenches his fists so tightly at his sides that he can feel his nails dig into his skin. Who is this Seo Changbin, who picks fights with Felix every single conversation they have? Who is he to decide whether or not Felix can write? 

“It seems that I was wrong too,” Felix growls, “for thinking you might actually be a decent guy.”

He spins around on his heel, breaking into a quick stride across the field. Before he knows it he’s running, feet pounding down on the grass and sliding on the wet earth. The evening air feels like ice on Felix’s face but he can’t even stop to rub his cheeks warm. It’s embarrassing, running away from an argument like this, but all Felix can think of is how much he doesn’t want to face Changbin right now. Honestly, it feels like Felix never wants to face him again. 

Felix doesn't stop until he’s blocks away, breath heaving, face flushed, and completely mortified. At least now he’s far, far away from stupid Seo Changbin.   
  


→

It’s been almost two hours now, so Felix doesn’t know why he’s still hung up on it. It was just an argument, the 3racha members have those all the time. Besides, since when did it matter what Changbin thinks? Yeah he’s got this whole “master lyricist” thing going on, but if you ask Felix, he’s overrated. 

The thing is though, he’s not. As much Felix wants to write him off, pretend that Changbin isn’t that talented anyways, he can’t. The lyrics that Felix read today were amazing. He only got a second to scan them, but that was enough to feel the force of the emotions spilling from the page. Just a couple bars, but with so much meaning. Despite his guilt, Felix wishes he could have read the whole stack. It’s like taking a peek into Changbin’s brain, seeing the world from his eyes. Felix would love to pretend that Changbin’s just some arrogant wannabe, but after today is glaringly obvious that he’s not. He has _talent_. 

Felix sighs, slamming his head down on the kitchen counter. Maybe it’s possible that he overreacted… Changbin seems to turn every single conversation into an argument, though! How is Felix supposed to respond? He grinds his forehead into the countertop

“Felix-ah? Are you in here, honey?”

Felix props his head up on his hands at the sound of a familiar voice. Before he can blink, Mrs. Yang has bustled into the room, immediately busying herself with the tea kettle. 

“Ah, if I had known you were all alone in here, I would have come to keep you company earlier!” She says, the corners of her eyes crinkling with a smile.

Felix tries to smile back, but he knows it looks weak. He wants to match Mrs. Yang’s enthusiasm, but he just feels so _guilty._ He’s the kind of person that would rather stab himself with a blunt spoon then face confrontation, and after today, he’s left turning over the conversation with Changbin a million times in his head. Felix could swear that he feels his skin itch with shame.

Mrs. Yang must notice how dim his expression is, because she sets down the kettle with an empathetic smile. “You don’t look so good Felix-ah, is there something you’d like to talk about?”

Felix’s first impulse is to brush it off, but with the weight of so much guilt, his mouth moves faster than his brain. 

“Okay so let’s say there’s a thing,” Felix blurts, “with, like, a person.”

Mrs. Yang’s expression turns michesvious. “And would this person be the same reason you were so late today?”

“Yes- but, not in that way!” Felix scrambles, waving his hands in the air.

“Okay, okay, I won’t interrupt. Keep going,” Mrs. Yang prompts with a chuckle.

Felix rolls his eyes before starting again. “I just- I got in a fight with somebody. And I feel really bad about it because they were just trying to be helpful, and I’m the one that forced them to help me in the first place! Then I just messed up everything and- well, no. Actually, they messed everything up just as much as I did!”

Felix sits up straighter in his chair, eyebrows furrowing, oblivious to Mrs. Yang’s amused gaze. “Really, I was trying my best to be nice. _They’re_ the one that has to pick fights, I swear I’ve never had a single normal conversation with them! Like seriously, what’s their deal?”

Mrs. Yang looks at him with mirth in her eyes. “Your Korean is really improving.”

“Ugh,” Felix slams his head back down on the countertop.

“Oh, I’m sorry darling,” Mrs. Yang laughs, ruffling Felix’s hair, “I understand. Sometimes you try so hard to be nice to someone and they just won’t cooperate. It can be very disappointing when things don’t work out, especially for those of us who are just terrible at picking fights.” 

Felix nods, face still pressed against the shiny surface. 

“Honestly, I can understand why you’d be so frustrated. It’s hard to have disagreements with the people we really care about.” Mrs. Yang continues absentmindedly. 

Felix’s head shoots up from the counter, his face a picture of panic. “Wait- no! I don’t care about them, it’s not like I like them or something!”

“There’s no need to be embarrassed, I was a kid your age once as well, don’t you forget!” Mrs. Yang replies cheerily.

“No, you don’t understand though,” Felix stresses, “I can’t like this person, that isn’t how this works.” 

Mrs. Yang smiles softly, and grabs Felix's hands. Her expression is warm, and he can immediately feel some of his panic start to subside. 

“You know when I met my husband, we used to bicker just like that. It was this endless back and forth, feeling guilty because I cared too much about him and couldn’t bear to see him sad, and then angry because he was just too damn stubborn.” Mrs. Yang chuckles wistfully. “It wasn’t until later though, that I realized it was all just because we cared about each other. Two kids, both too strong-willed, both too much in love.”

For a brief second, Felix is captivated by the story. He’s lived with the Yangs for about a month now, and he’s seen how happy his foster parents are when they’re together, but he never had any idea how romantic their history is. Of course, Felix never got to hear that typical “how I met your mother” story from his dad. It’s cheesy, but hearing it now almost makes Felix blush. 

Mrs. Yang stops her reminiscing, gazing warmly at Felix once again. “We probably seem like we’re practically fossils compared to you kids, but I know things are different than back in my day. This person, if you like them, that’s all that really matters. The world is changing, Felix. Whoever they are, you know we’ll accept you regardless.” 

Felix is frozen in shock, gaping back at Mrs. Yang. He feels like he has whiplash after trying to follow how this conversation has developed. Felix is far too afraid to ask, but it seems like Mrs. Yang is implying something very specific, and he doesn’t quite know how to wrap his head around that. 

Mrs. Yang just sends him another one of her motherly smiles, patting Felix on his shoulder. “Well, I’ll be going. It’s another big day tomorrow. Don’t stay up too late, it’s a school night!”

Felix nods dumbly in return, but she’s already left the room. He can hear her hum cheerfully as she walks down the hall, seemingly unaware of Felix’s internal breakdown. 

It’s a lot to unpack. Not only the implication that he might like Changbin, but the idea that Mrs. Yang would know as well? This is all feeling less like a normal school night and more like a nightmare. He stumbles to his bedroom in a daze, mind already whirling. Felix knows he’s prone to overthinking, but it’s too late now. Unfortunately, he’s already begun to spiral. 

Surely not, right? He couldn’t like Changbin. Those fights- they weren’t your typical lovers quarrels, they were the disagreement of rivals! Felix had been genuinely angry at Changbin. How could he like somebody that he’s so frustrated at all the time? Besides, until maybe a week ago, Felix was still terrified to be in the same room as Changbin. Changbin who never pays attention in class, is always bossing 3racha around during practices, and only wears dark clothing because he thinks it makes him look “cool” or something. Never mind his undeniably handsome face and raw lyrical talent, Felix doesn’t care about those sorts of things! All he cares about is how annoying and mean Changbin is. Felix could never be friends with someone like that, much less have some kind of crush. 

He’s so caught up in his thoughts that he forgets to brush his teeth, immediately flopping his head down on his pillow and glaring up at the ceiling like it might give him answers. The white plaster remains blank, and Felix groans, burying his face in his hands. _Me liking Changbin?_ Felix thinks, _like, actual romantic feelings? Like wanting to… hold hands with him, and kiss him on the lips, and- oh my god._

Felix pulls the blanket over his head, shutting out the light from the street lamps outside. _Surely not, right?_

→

The next day, Felix wakes up with a mission. Unfortunately, he muses as he looks at his wary reflection in the bathroom mirror, It’s one that he really, _really_ doesn't want to do. At the same time, Felix knows it’s inevitable. Even if he doesn’t want to admit it, this was going to have to happen at some point. It doesn’t stop him from brushing his teeth at a snail’s pace though, petrified with dread. 

He leaves quickly, taking the early bus rather than his usual commute with Jeongin. The weather is cooling, and Felix can almost see the breath of his exhales as he stands, bundled in his coat, at the bus stop. The streets are fairly busy with early morning commuters and salarymen rushing to work. Felix wants so desperately to hop in one of their cars and rush far, far away from the bus stop. The ride seems longer than normal with the early morning chill, but Felix arrives at school with time to spare. By the time he’s at the gates, the sky is streaked with orange, the buttery colors of a late sunrise painting the clouds and slowly warming the air. He rubs at his frigid nose, and heads for the stairwell.

The trek up to the 6th floor feels a lot longer when Felix is dreading it so much. He almost turns around twice, but Felix isn’t someone to wake up early just for no reason. He knows this is something that he has to do. Just as he expected, the 6th floor is as empty as ever, but it somehow feels less intimidating in the early morning light. The creek of the door is familiar as he pushes it open, surveying the almost empty classroom. There’s a figure standing in front of the window, silhouetted by the waning sunset, who spins around at his entrance. 

“Yah, Lee Felix, it’s about time. Now are you gonna tell me what was so urgent that I had to wake up half an hour early this morning?”

Felix sighs, fisting the sleeves of his sweater. “Sorry Minho-hyung. I have a question to ask you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so, yes it's been like a month since I last uploaded. junior year sucks so much more than I thought it would though, I want to go back in time and bop myself for choosing so many honors classes. regardless, here's the chapter! and it's a pretty important one too, we've got some fun changlix interactions and some potential plot development (???)
> 
> I also tried out something new this week with an attempt at a cliff hanger! i know it's not a super big one but I figured it would be best if I started off with something small. i'm sure at least some of you are wondering why he's want to meet with Minho though, just because I've haven't written them quite so friendly with each other. but don't worry! all will be revealed in time... wow okay that was way too ominous.
> 
> lastly, if you're wondering where I got changbin's lyrics from, they're from a deleted pre-debut 3racha song called 42. i cried so much the first time I heard it, so I definitely wanted to include the lyrics. quick warning though, if you're triggered by mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts, I wouldn't recommend listening to it. anyway, that's all for now. I would absolutely love it if you guys left a comment telling me what you thought about the chapter, and I'll see you all next time!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: the word f*g is mentioned, but not used in a derogatory context

“Yah, Lee Felix, it’s about time. Now are you gonna tell me what was so urgent that I had to wake up half an hour early this morning?” Minho whines, leaning up against the window frame across the room. 

“Sorry Minho-hyung. I have a question to ask you.”

Felix approaches shyly, aware that he’s dragging his feet. If Felix thought he was anxious this morning, it’s nothing compared to what it’s like to be standing in front of Minho, pinned by his cold gaze. Minho rolls his eyes, fixing Felix with an unamused stare.

“And? What is it?” He prompts impatiently. 

Felix takes a deep breath, attempting to sooth his nerves. His chest feels tight with anxiety, and he prays that he won’t start shaking like he often does when he gets too nervous or worried. It’s a little late though, Felix knows his hands are trembling and lips bitten raw. 

“I was just wondering…” Felix picks at his fingernails, avoiding Minho’s gaze. “How did you figure out… that you were gay?”

Felix’s eyes are fixed on his peeling fingers, but his head shoots up when he hears the older boy huff out a laugh. “Ah yes, I figured I’d get this from you at some point.” Minho grins. 

“What? How did you know?” Felix demands, eyes wide. 

Minho leans back on the windowsill, letting the early morning breeze ruffle his chestnut hair. “Don’t look so panicked, fresh meat. I can just tell these sorts of things.”

“Are you telling me you have a  _ gaydar? _ ” Felix asks incredulously. 

“A  _ gaydar? _ ” Minho wonders, the english word sounding clumsy from his mouth, “What’s that?”

“It’s basically what you’re saying. Like having the ability to tell when someone is gay.”

Felix watches in horror as Minho leans closer, eyes lighting up. “I love it. I’ll say that all the time now.”

“Ugh, please don’t. This is so not what I came here for.” Felix groans. He plops down on a nearby desk, scrubbing a hand over his face. Felix supposes it’s probably his fault for assuming he could ever get a straight answer out of Minho. 

Minho laughs, and reaches out a hand to ruffle Felix’s bangs. “So you’re realizing you’re into boys, huh? Well I suppose it’s not that hard to figure out, but definitely harder to come to terms with.”

Felix feels defensiveness bubble up inside him, and he shoots his head up, glaring at Minho. 

“I didn’t say anything about actually being gay! First Mrs. Yang, and now you- Why is everyone assuming that I’m gay?” 

Minho gives him a blank stare. “Probably because you asked me to meet you alone in an empty classroom so you could ask me how I realized I liked dick.” 

All Minho does is roll his eyes at Felix’s scandalized gasp. 

“That doesn’t mean anything! I’m just curious,” Felix insistes. 

“Yes it does, Felix-ah. If you have to ask whether or not you might be gay, you already have your answer. And I have a feeling you already know it as well. So let’s skip another couple years of denial and get straight to the point, shall we?” Minho replies testily. 

His voice is cold, but his eyes warm. In the mellow light of the early morning, Minho’s face is soft. It’s an expression that Felix hasn’t quite seen on the 3rd year before, but he can recognize it as sympathy. 

Felix can’t bear to meet Minho’s gaze, ducking his head to stare at his lap. Suddenly, Felix is mortified to feel his eyes start to burn. He doesn’t think he could survive the embarrassment of crying in front of Minho, but he’s having a hard time stopping the tears welling up in his eyes. 

“I’m scared, hyung.” Felix whispers. 

“I know, Lixie. It’s gonna be scary for a while.” Minho crouches in front of him, rubbing a soothing hand up and down Felix’s back.

Felix blinks back the wetness in his eyes and tries to slow his breathing. The all-consuming fear is suffocating, and it leaves Felix frozen in his chair. Even deeper, however, is a frantic relief. It’s almost like there’s been a weight removed from his chest that he never even knew he was carrying. He’s finally voicing it out loud, all the anxieties that had been swirling around in his head for as long as he could remember. There was always a reason to push it down- the kids at school who would blurt out the word fag like it was nothing, his dad who always had a stern tick in his brow. It’s a situation he never would have expected, sitting in an abandoned classroom in an entirely different country with a terrifying upperclassman, but he feels like he can finally say it. It’s a kind of freedom that makes Felix’s chest swell, and he almost feels like if he stood up from his desk he could fly. He’s okay. He’s safe. He’s going to say it out loud, and nothing terrible is going to happen. 

Felix raises his head slowly to meet Minho's eyes. “I think I’m gay.”

“I know,” Minho smiles, rising to his feet. He brushes off his slacks and reaches out a hand to Felix to help him stand up. “And you’re gonna be just fine.” 

As they walk to the door Felix feels an inexplicable desire not to leave. Minho’s not exactly his favorite person on campus, but right now he wants to beg the older boy to stay, sit with him and tell him everything will be alright. Confessing his secret in the empty classroom in the dead silence of the morning had been one thing, but Felix isn’t quite sure he’s ready to face the rest of the world yet.

He stops in his tracks, staring at the back of Minho’s head. “Hyung- thank you,” He blurts.

Minho turns to face him, a mischievous smile already curling his lips. “It was my pleasure. But next time you ask me to wake half an hour early, it better be because you’ve finally decided to confess to Changbin.”

He shoots Felix a cheekly salute before continuing down the hall, while the younger boy is still frozen in place. 

“What!? What did you mean by that? Hyung! Get back here!” Felix cries at Minho’s retreating figure. 

→

  
  


In the aftermath of that morning’s revelation, Felix finds himself quiet at lunch. It’s hard to have the same mindless banter with his friends when there’s so many anxieties weighing him down. At the same time, however, Felix’s mind feels quieter than it has in ages. The residual anxieties paired with the wave of relief leaves Felix bone tired. The exhaustion is overwhelming, but Felix is content to sit back and watch his friends bicker. 

“So I heard Yeji confessed to you yesterday.” Seungmin says, pushing around the rice on his cafeteria plate.

Felix and Jeongin immediately turn to face Hyunjin, who doesn’t seem phased, still shoveling down his lunch. Felix sends Jeongin a questioning look, but he just shrugs. 

“Who told you that?” Hyunjin mumbles through a mouthful of noodles.

Seungmin sends Hyunjin an unimpressed glare. “Yeji. When she called me last night to complain about you for half an hour.” 

Felix’s eyes widen, and he turns to Jeongin who looks similarly entertained. 

Hyunjin chews contemplatively, pausing to swallow. “And what did you say?”

“Same thing I always tell them, that you haven’t accepted a confession yet, so it’s pretty unlikely,” Seungmin grumbles, “I swear Hyunjin-ah, at this point I must be more tired of that answer then they are.” 

Hyunjin grins and reaches across the table, tangling his and Sengmin’s fingers together, and tugging him closer by their conjoined hands. “Sorry Seungminnie, I’ll make sure they don’t bother you again.”

Seungmin sends him an unamused glare. “What are you going to tell her?”

Hyunjin picks up his fork with his other hand and continues to pick at his food, still rubbing his thumb over Seungmin’s wrist on top of the table. “Oh, I’ll probably say no.” 

“What? You’re ridiculous, if I had your face I’d accept every single confession I got,” Seungmin whines.

Hyunjin looks up, mouth curled in a mischievous smile. “Are you saying you think I’m handsome?” 

“Hunjin-ah. At this point I doubt there’s a single girl in this school who hasn’t asked you out. Everyone thinks you’re handsome,” Seungmin deadpans. 

“Yeah, but you’re not everyone.”

Felix watches a tint spread steadily across the top of Seungmin’s cheeks. He ducks his head quickly, busying himself with organizing his lunch tray to avoid Hyunjin’s gaze. Felix and Jeongin slowly turn to face each other once again, eyes wide. Jeongin is biting his lip, trying not to laugh, and Felix isn’t much better, hiding his smile behind a fist. 

“What’s up guys! Wow, everyone is really silent. Man I hope I didn’t walk in on something awkward,” Jisung exclaims as he slams his lunch tray down on the table, making everyone jump. 

Seungmin sends him a withering glare, and Jisung’s eyes widen with fear before he turns to face the group as a whole. “Okay so I definitely did. But today’s a big day guys, Felix are you ready?” 

Felix states blankly back at Jisung. He can’t remember why today would be particularly special, besides cookie day in the cafeteria. Jisung’s face is lit up with excitement, eyes comically wide, and Felix feels guilty sending him a confused look. 

“Felix!” Jisung hisses, leaning across the table, “C’mon, the thing! We don’t have that many secrets dude, I know you know what I’m talking about!” 

Secrets? Jisung and Felix don’t have much they keep from their friends. Even though they’ve become significantly closer lately because of 3racha practice, Felix can’t think of a specific secret that they share. Except for- of course. 3racha practices. That thing that they sneak off to three times a week without telling their friends. 

“Oh, I’m sorry Jisungie-ah, is that today?” Felix asks sheepishly. 

“What are you guys talking about? This is so unfair.” Jeongin grumbles with a pout. 

“Don’t worry young Innie-ah, all will be revealed in time!” Jisung cries, tugging him from his seat. 

The boys scramble to their feet to follow Jisung, who is dashing towards the door, dragging Jeongin limply behind him. Felix kindly tries to shoo people out of the way as Jisung shoves his way through the masses. The five of them weave swiftly through the crowds of people, trying to avoid innocent students with their lunch trays. Felix pants out a laugh at the panicked expression that Jeongin sends his way as he tries to escape from Jisung’s grip. 

“You better not be stealing my dongsaeng, Han Jisung!” Hyunjin cries, making a group of nearby girls shriek. 

Jisung barks out a laugh, which is barely audible over the sound of their shoes slapping on the linoleum floors. Felix hears Seungmin groan next to him as they swing around the corners, and Felix wonders if this might be a common occurrence. They’re all gasping for breath once they reach the stairwell, and Jeongin frantically tugs himself free. 

“Hyung! I told you to stop kidnapping me whenever you like!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jisung waves away the comment, “but I have something important to show you guys!” 

He turns to the stairwell, but Seungmin slaps a hand over the door before he can open it. 

“Hold on! You can’t just capture our small and helpless friend-“

“Hey!” Jeongin interjects with a pout.

“-and make us chase you all around school whenever you want! At least tell us where we’re going before we blindly follow you up this creepy stairwell.” 

Felix peeks behind Seungmin’s hand at the small window on the stairwell door. To avoid any teachers guarding the 6th floor, they've taken to using the old faculty stairwell to get to 3racha practices. Luckily, Felix hasn’t run into any scary 3rd years since he started using the alternate route, but it is pretty cramped and dark. He’ll be the first to admit that it is, in fact, creepy. 

“Oh!” Jisung replies nonchalantly, “Yeah, of course. We’re going to the 6th floor.” 

“What? The 6th floor?” Jeongin splutters, scrambling away from Jisung in panic. 

“Oh my god Jisung-ah, why would we go to the 6th floor? That place is a death trap!” Hyunjin cries exasperatedly. 

Jisung crosses his arms over his chest and raises an incredulous brow. “A death trap? I’ve been going there multiple times a week for the past two years.” 

“Yeah, and that just proves my point! You have zero sense of self preservation!” Hyunjin hisses, glaring back at his friend.

“Um,” Felix pipes up.

The four boys freeze in place, Jeongin still pressed up against the opposite wall, Seungmin blocking the stairwell door, and Hyunjin going to grab Jisung’s collar. They all slowly turn to face Felix, who is still standing there fiddling with his fingers. 

“Well, I’ve been up there too.... like, three times a week for the past month. And it’s not that bad!” He blurts. 

Felix watches Jeongin’s face darken. “Lixie-hyung, you promised you wouldn’t go up there!” 

Felix feels his heart slowly break as he looks at the betrayal on his foster brother’s face. Jeongin’s eyes are big, wide, and so, so good at instigating guilt. “I know I promised, but it hasn't been all that bad. I’ve even made some friends! There’s this third year named Chan-” 

Seungmin slams his head against a nearby wall with a dull thump. “Oh no, now Felix is hallucinating Jisung’s made-up cool, foreign, 3rd year best friend too!”

“Will you all just shut up!?” Jisung cries, stomping his foot which sends an echo down the empty call. 

The boys quiet as they sheepishly turn to face an angered Jisung. His expression is more frustrated than Felix has ever seen it, and it’s strange to see such a dark expression on such a friendly face. 

“For the last two godamn years I’ve been lying to my friends about a pretty important part of my life, and now I’m finally allowed to share it. I don’t care how scared you all are, because if you’re really my friends, you’ll come with me no matter what. This is important to me, so please just let me have this!” Jisung yells, hands fisted at his sides.

Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin share a guilty look. It’s obvious to Felix, as he watches the three fidget in place, that they didn't realize quite how important the whole situation is to Jisung. It’s not necessarily their fault, Jisung never seems to take anything too seriously. Only Felix really knew how excited he had been to share this, talking every single day about how thrilled he was for everyone to meet Chan and Mihno. Not for the first time, Felix thinks back to what Chan had said in the bathroom, about how music means just as much to Jisung as it does to the others. As nonchalant as he may seem, this is a big step for Jisung, opening up his whole other world to his friends for the first time. Felix feels guilty that he didn’t do better to defend his friend. 

“Of course we’ll come Sungie, you know we trust you,” Hyunjin replies softly.

Jisung gives him a firm nod, and throws open the stairwell door. “That’s what I hoped you’d say. Now follow me!”

Felix can see his friends grow increasingly anxious as they ascend up the stairwell. Hyunjin is biting his lip, Seungmin’s eyes are darting around nervously, and Jeongin is trailing behind Felix, hanging on to his foster brother’s sleeve. Felix wants to reassure them, but he doesn’t know if he has the words to do it. They step off on the landing at the sixth floor, and the air grows even tenser. Felix remembers his first time seeing this door- with its chipped paint and ominous scuff marks, it doesn’t exactly look inviting. 

“Well, just through here!” Jisung chirps, obviously trying to lighten the heavy mood. 

He pushes open the door, which sends a familiar plume of dust into the stairwell. The others cough, and Felix sends them a sympathetic look. The five creep into the hallway, huddled together. 

Felix can see his friends shoot each other alarmed looks at the peeling drywall and cracked linoleum. He understands how they could be worried by the obvious water damage on the floor and ceilings. Maybe Hyunjin’s description of a “death trap” wasn’t so inaccurate after all...

Jisung bustles ahead, ducking under a stray spiderweb, before halting in front of the classroom door. 

“Here it is! Are you guys ready to meet everyone?” 

Jeongin opens his mouth to reply, but Seungmin elbows him in the side with a glare. “Yup, lead the way Jisung-ah,” he smiles nervously. 

Jisung pushes open the door with a creek, and the five of them shuffle inside. The classroom looks the same as it always does, the desks pushed to the corners and soft sunlight streaming in through the dusty windows. Felix can hardly believe this is the same room he was crying in just hours prior. 

As per normal, Chan is sat at one of the desks in the middle, hunched over his laptop. His hair is a little spikier than normal, like he’s run his hands through it multiple times, suggesting that he’s already been working on 3racha’s next mixtape for at least an hour. Minho is at his familiar spot in the widow, head tipped back against the frame, and a soft smile on his face. His uniform tie is undone, hair ruffled by the wind, and Felix can see the exact moment when Jisung’s eyes soften as he gazes at the 3rd year. Finally Seo Changbin is once again huddled in the corner. His chunky boots are up on the desk in front of him, earbuds stuffed in his ears, and pencil clutched in a death grip as he scribbles in his notebook. Seeing him loom in the corner like that used to be terrifying to Felix, but he’s starting to get used to it. After only a couple conversations with Changbin, he knows that the scary exterior is mostly an act. That doesn’t stop Felix from clamming up in front of him every single time, though. 

The three boys look up as they enter, and immediately a wide grin spreads across Chan’s face. He shoots to his feet, and circles around the desk to stand in front of the crew who are still huddled together.

“Hey guys! You must be Jisung-ah’s friends, great to meet you all. My name is Chan-”

“Oh my god,” Hyunjin gasps, grabbing onto Jeongin’s arm, “he’s real!”

Felix can’t help but burst out in laughter at the bewildered look on Chan’s face. Jisung turns to Hyunjin, socking him in the arm, and Hyunjin whines dramatically. 

“Of course he’s real, you asshole. This is Chan, that’s Minho who you already know,” Jisung continues, pointing to his friends, “and that’s Changbin.” 

Jeongin peeks out from behind Jisung’s shoulder to peer in the direction that Jisung is pointing. “Wait Changbin? Not like Seo Changbin though, right, haha-”

Jeongin freezes, face paling. Hyunjin and Seungmin both whip their heads in the same direction, shrieking as they meet Changbin’s confused gaze. “AHHH- what!?” Hyunjin yells, grabbing Seungmin’s sweater in a death grip.

“Felix-ah, are you aware that  _ the Seo Changbin  _ is sitting at that desk over there!?”

Felix sends a disappointed glare to his friends, who have huddled even tighter if that’s even possible. “Yeah, he’s part of Jisung’s music group thing. That, and, he's not actually a murderer.”

“Han Jisung, what the hell did you tell them about me?” Changbin growls, looking up from his notebook to glare at his wide-eyed friend.

“That wasn’t me!” Jisung insists, waving his hands in the air, “They assumed that on their own. And I don’t even blame them! You’ve got the whole tortured bad boy thing going on. Is that  _ eyeliner _ ?”

Changbin’s boots land on the floor with a slam, and he makes to get up from his seat. “You’re dead, Sungie.” 

“Woah there!” Chan interrupts with a nervous smile, “Why don’t we all calm down for a sec,”

He raises his hands as if trying to calm a group of wild horses. It almost seems like that as well, Changbin and Han seething at each other from across the room, and Felix’s friends all huddled in the corner. The air is tight with anxiety, all except for Minho who is still sitting on the windowsill, watching the whole thing unfold with a pleased smile on his lips. 

“No I will not calm down! My friend is in cahoots with a murderer!” Jeongin yelps from where he’s hidden himself behind Seungmin. 

Jisung spins around, glaring at his friend. “I am not! It’s 3racha!”

“What’s 3racha?” Seungmin wonders, somewhat frantically.

Felix leans over to where Hyunjin, Seungmin, adn Jeongin are still clinging to each other. “It’s their group name. They’re soundcloud rappers.”

“Oh no,” Hyunjin drops his head into his hands, “that’s the worst news yet!”

“No it’s not that bad! I mean yeah, we are soundcloud rappers, but our stuff is pretty good! We’re hoping to have our music on streaming platforms pretty soon, and we’ve actually got some fans!” Chan says adamantly.

Felix feels a pang of guilt, looking at how Chan is fiddling with his shirt sleeves with embarrassment. He knows how much 3racha means to Chan, and feels bad for reacting the same way when he first heard about it. It represents more to them then Felix could ever understand, and Chan doesn’t deserve the job of explaining why their music isn’t something to be ashamed of. 

“Seriously guys, their stuff is really good. Chan’s an awesome producer, Changbin’s amazing at writing lyrics, Jisung can rap like a million lines a minute, and Minho- well he kind of just sits there. But still! I know the whole 6th floor studio thing is kinda weird, but they’re doing serious work.” Felix whines.

Hyunjin and Seungmin share a skeptical look, so Felix knocks up his puppy dog eyes another notch. After crashing 3racha’s practices weekly, this is the least he can do. There’s a moment of tense silence as they all stare at each other, before a meek voice pipes up from behind Hyunjin.

“This room is kinda cool, I can’t believe you guys get to practice here. Do you think I could come and eat lunch with you guys sometime?” 

Chan’s eyes widen, as he states perplexed at Jeongin’s smiling face peeking out from behind the boys. “Sure- I mean- we’d love to have come company?” 

“Great!” Jeongin chirps, sliding out from behind Hyunjin’s cowering figure. He tilts his head to this side contemplatively, and points a finger towards Changbin. “But, does he have to be here every day as well?”

Changbin splutters angrily. “Wha- of course I do, you squirt!” 

“I’m just kidding, hyung!” Jeongin sings, a smile scrunching his face. 

Changbin stares back at him bewildered, while the others giggle. “Hyung?” 

Jeongin just shoots him a mischievous smile, eyes turned into joyful slits. The tension is the air seems to alleviate the youngest’s antics. Felix can almost Hyunjin’s and Seungmin’s shoulders relax as they slowly ease themselves out of the corner. Jeongin flops down in a nearby desk, and the other two join him, whispering conspiratorially and pointing out the scribbles on the board and the stacks of lyrics on tables. To anyone else it might seem like they’re still uneasy, but Felix recognizes it as the normal hyperactive energy of his friends. 

Jisung bounds across the room to where Minho’s sitting, beginning to nag the 3rd year as always for sitting on the windowsill. Jisung has an irrational fear that Minho will one day fall to his death, despite Minho’s insane catlike reflexives. It would be much more likely that Jisung would trip on one of his perpetually untied shoelaces and go plummeting out the open window. As Jisung frets over him angrily, Minho looks over to catch Felix staring. He sends the younger a secretive wink, making Felix’s face burn bright red. He claps a hand up over the heat of his cheeks, knowing Minho’s not going to let him forget that morning’s conversation any time soon. 

“So, I guess that’s everyone together, huh?” Chan muses from somewhere behind Felix. 

Felix spins around, shooting Chan a warm smile. “Yup! You really okay with everyone joining like this?” 

“Nah of course, you know I love adopting helpless 2nd years and making them hang out with me during lunch.” Chan replies with a cheeky grin. 

Felix rolls his eyes, but there’s no bite behind the action. He surveys the room, noting how well his new friends seem to blend in. Somehow in the dirty classroom with questionable structural integrity, everyone seems right at home. Chan seems to be thinking the same thing, chuckling before continuing.

“That reminds me, Lixie. Have you written anything since we talked?” 

“Um, yeah,” Felix bites his lip, “I have something written down.” 

Sensing his anxiety, Chan shoots him his signature comforting smile. “I’d love to hear it if you’re comfortable. Here, let’s sit by my desk and we can set it up with the track.”

Felix feels apprehensive leaving his friends alone, especially after the scene from just a couple minutes earlier, but he follows Chan to a corner where he has some additional equipment set up. Chan sets down his computer, fiddling around pulling up the recording program and a couple different files. Felix sits down next to him lightly, pulling his notebook from his backpack. He almost doesn’t want to disturb Chan in his element, who is tweaking the audio preferences on his giant soundproof headphones. 

“Alright, you ready to let me take a look?” Chan says offhandedly, making Felix jump in his seat.

“Yeah- yeah of course.” Felix stutters, slamming his notebook down on the desk.

Chan gives him a soothing look, before picking up the book. He thumbs to the first page, which is covered in Felix’s chaotic writing. It’s disorganized, and every couple words has been scribbled out, but at least it’s a full page. Felix cringes seeing how the paper has creased with how hard he had been pressing down. He almost can’t bear to watch Chan face as he scans the lines, but there’s also no way he’s looking away now. The 3rd year’s expression is impassive, and Felix clenches his fists with anxiety. 

It hurts Felix to acknowledge it, but that piece of writing is the most honest he’s been in probably years. He can’t quite believe that he’s written down his very innermost anxieties on a piece of college ruled paper, and now it’s sitting in front of a guy he’s only known for a month. The reality of the situation is just sinking in, and Felix has to resist the urge to snatch back the paper. These are thoughts that Felix had never even said aloud, much less shared with anyone else. He's suddenly lightheaded by the power of his anxiety, and he shudders, his exhale coming out shaky and uneven. His spiral is interrupted suddenly, however, by Chan’s eager voice. 

“This is good, Felix-ah. This is really good. We can do something with this.” Chan mumbles, turning to his computer and starting to rearrange bits of the track. 

“What?” Felix gasps, leaning over to try to meet Chan’s eyes, who is preoccupied with his computer. “What do you mean? You’re going to use these in Hellevator?”

Chan turns to face him, face split with a grin. “Hell yeah! Look, this verse right here after the chorus. It’ll fit perfectly.” 

Chan scrambles around the desk to find a red marker, uncapping it to draw a bright, messy border around a thick block of text in Felix’s page. He presses play on the trackpad, and Felix’s eyes scan his own highlighted chunk of writing along with the beat. 

_ I’m trying to look for an exit _

_ Take myself out from being trapped in the darkness _

_ I’m fighting harder, run away from this place _

I’m on the hellevator _ , I’m gonna go up _

There are a couple empty beats before Felix hears Jisung’s familiar voice continue the lyrics, but Chan’s right, it fits perfectly. He looks up at Chan in awe, to see the older boy just as elated. It’s amazing, hearing his lyrics moulded to this backing track. Everything feels so much more complete, and Felix feels like his words belong. Thankfully it’s only a small portion, Felix doesn’t think he would know what to do if Chan had asked him to include the whole page, but with even just this small amount, Felix feels heard. 

“What do you say? Will you do us the honors of rapping on Hellevator?” Chan asks jokingly.

“Wait- what? Me? Rap? I thought I was just, you know, providing you guys with the lyrics.” Felix spills, trying not to stutter over his words.

“Why not? I’m sure you’d be great at it. You don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable, but the world needs to hear this from your mouth, Lixie.” Chan persuades, softly as always. 

“I-” Felix pauses, mind whirling. There are so many reasons to say no. He’s never even tried rapping before, and he doesn’t have a great track record with expressing his opinions in an efficient manner. There’s also so much potential for failure: Felix totally fails his rap, embarrasses himself in front of his friends, or even worse, embarrasses himself in front of the entire world if the song gets published. He has no experience, no confidence, and likely, no potential. 

At the same time though, Felix can’t help but think, isn’t this it? Isn’t this why he came to Korea, to take chances, to see if he has a future that contains  _ more _ ? Isn’t this what he’s running towards? It doesn’t take much for Felix to make up his mind. 

“Yeah sure, hyung. I’m in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone, here it is! it's been a while, but this is one of the chapters that I was most excited to write. we've got a ton of new developments- some seungjin content, felix getting his part in hellevator, and of course the sexuality crisis scene which i may or may not have cried during writing. (ok i definitely did but i know felix is a relatable character for a lot of us so don't judge!!) also if anyone is wondering, yes i literally planned from the first chapter that they would all meet on the 8th chapter because of the 8 members just because i'm sappy like that :)
> 
> I really hope everyone liked it though! I have a ton of schoolwork to get done but I wanted to get this out as soon as possible because I know I've made everyone wait like a ridiculous amount of time already. speaking of, I totally loved our comment section on the last chapter. i thought it was so much fun just complaining with you all about schoolwork! i hope we can do it again sometime. 
> 
> anyways that's all from me for now, I'll start working on the next chapter as soon as I can, because I'm really excited to see this story develops!


	9. Chapter 9

Felix skids into the kitchen at top speed, sliding on the tile as he swings around the counter. Mornings in the Yang household are always the prettiest, the soft light of the early AM casting a warm glow over the neat row of houseplants on the windowsill. Felix has no time this morning to pay attention to pretty light, however. The birds are chirping, streets already bustling, and Felix has somewhere to be. He snatches the bread bag from the counter, shoves a slice into the toaster, and takes a second to heave a breath while he checks his watch. 

“Well- good morning to you too!” Mrs. Yang cries from her seat at the counter, affronted. 

Felix spins to face her, a sheepish smile on his face. “Sorry Mrs. Yang, I didn’t notice you there. I’m just in a bit of a hurry.”

“Clearly,” A deep voice calls from down the call, “I think I just saw Jeongin run from his room with a mouth full of toothpaste.”

“Hello Mr. Yang,” Felix says with a smile as his foster father takes the open seat at the counter. 

“Good morning Felix. Where are you boys going so early? I rarely see you two up before I’ve left for work.” Mr. Yang asks, grabbing his cup of steaming coffee from the counter. 

Jeongin bustles in the room, backpack slung haphazardly from one shoulder and hair a fluffy mess atop his head like a baby chick. Felix can tell he’s still about half asleep, but there’s a drowsy determination in how he stalks into the kitchen with confidence.  _ Jeongin’s obviously still adjusting to the early hour _ , Felix notes, as he surveys his foster brother’s glazed eyes.

“Top secret, appa, we can’t tell you!” Jeongin argues in response to his father’s question.

He grabs an apple from the bowl on the counter, shoving it deep inside his backpack where his school books are threatening to spill out. He takes a swig out of the milk carton from the fridge, oblivious to his parents’ bewildered looks, and nods towards the door. Felix jolts as the toast pops up from the toaster abruptly, and he shoves it in his mouth before grabbing his bag as well.

“Yup, top secret. We’ll be back at six!” Felix mumbles through a mouthful of bread. 

“ Remember you boys, it’s Chuseok break next week so we’ll be traveling to Busan to visit your halmeoni!” Mrs. Yang chides as the two rush for the door, pushing to both clear the doorway in their sleep-addled state. 

“I honestly can’t tell if this is a good or bad influence,” She muses, watching their retreating forms sprint towards the bus stop. 

The weather is beginning to cool, making the morning sky glow grey and the wind bite at their noses. It’s the kind of weather that turns the tips of fingers blue and suspends the delicate swirls of their breath in the air. The once-orange trees have become looming empty trunks that frame the street down to the bus stop. Felix and Jeongin’s feet patter on the damp pavement, trying to get down the block in time for the early bus. By the time they arrive they’re both panting, enough that Felix feels suffocated in his thick winter coat. He leans up against a nearby lamppost, ignoring the shiver that the freezing surface sends down his spine.

Jeongin stands up straighter, sending Felix a blinding grin. “You ready hyung?”

“Yah,” Felix giggles, “I’ve been doing this for months, you sure you’re ready?”

“Of course. Chan-hyung and Changbin-hyung are practically my best friends now,” Jeongin replies indignantly, crossing his mitten-clad hands over his chest. 

Felix reaches over to give his hair a ruffle. “Sure, sure. Tell Changbin that. Now c’mon, the bus is here.”

The two board quickly, breathing into their cupped fists to warm their hands before grabbing onto the bar as the bus thunders down the street. Snapshots of idyllic suburban streets flash by as the bus rounds the corners. Despite the monochrome skies and frigid air, Seoul still has its own sort of elegant beauty in winter. Felix feels a pang of disappointment realizing he won’t be here to see summer. Part of him wants to stay all year. Part of him wants to stay forever. The bus halts abruptly at the next stop, almost sending Jeongin flying into the lap of an unassuming young lady. Felix bursts out in giggles at Jeongin’s terrified expression as he tries to avoid eye contact with the other communtors. 

A gust of cold air spills through the open doors as new passengers board, and Felix shuffles closer to Jeongin’s thick parka. He can almost feel the heat of him through their many protective layers. Jeongin taps his shoulder, and Felix looks up to see his foster brother offering him one of his mittens with a sunny smile. 

Felix’s thoughts stop in their tracks as a realization dawns on him. “Yah- Yang Jeongin! Are you taller than me? Have you always been this tall?”

“It’s just a couple centimeters hyung,” Jeongin whines with a smile, ducking his head to emphasize the distance. 

“Ridiculous. You’re not allowed to grow up, Yang Jeongin,” Felix scoffs warningly, turning to gaze out the wide bus windows once again. 

Jeongin only giggles and burrows closer, and the two watch the streets fly by as the bus speeds down the winding road. It’s a familiar routine, but a precious one nonetheless. 

→

“Thank god you’re finally here, Lixie. Chan wants to add cowbell to the backing track! Can you  _ please  _ tell him how ridiculous that is?” Jisung cries as Felix and Jeongin bustle through the 6th floor classroom door.

“I- don’t ask me!” Felix stutters, eyes wide, “It’s your mixtape, I’m only featured on part of one of the tracks!”

Chan looks up from his laptop with a stern look. “You know that’s not true Felix-ah, we value your input.”

“Right!” Jisung exclaims, “So can you please tell him it’s a stupid idea!? I know he’ll listen to you- something about ‘Aussie bros’ or some other cringy shit I don’t wanna remember.”

Jisung shoves Felix in Chan’s direction, and he falls into a neighboring desk chair with a laugh. Since the dramatic merger of their friend groups, the 6th floor has become even more of a home. It’s not uncommon to see all six boys scattered around the room playing video games, working on homework, and slaving over Chan’s laptop, even hours after school has ended. Felix didn’t expect them to latch on to the classroom so easily, especially with it’s uninviting interior, but it wasn’t long before every lunch break and free period was spent holed away on the 6th floor. Before he knew it, it was an unspoken rule that excess time was to be spent with the eight of them together. Felix supposes he shouldn’t have underestimated his friends, especially Hyunjin who he suspects hangs out only for the ‘vintage deconstructed aesthetic” of the grimy classroom. 

He was also surprised to see how naturally his friends fell into a rhythm with Chan and Minho. As much as they had teased Jisung for it, Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin seemed to enjoy having ‘cool older hyungs.’ It also helped that Chan went to great lengths to make them feel comfortable, not wanting his work in 3racha to leave anyone feeling excluded. Everyone was settling in almost seamlessly, and it warmed his heart to see the eight of them enjoying their time together. Changbin- well, he still left a bit to be desired, but Felix could see he was making an effort. They all liked to believe that his incessant glaring at Jeongin was out of love. 

The eight of them are spending even more time on the 6th floor lately as 3racha’s work on the mixtape grows towards the end. It still involves hours of post-production work on Chan’s end to go, but Felix is happy to keep him company as he reworks the same tracks a million times. They’re practically babysitters at this point, but they all know how stuck in his own head Chan can get sometimes. It takes a lot of work to run that genius producer brain, Felix figures. That’s why Jeongin and Felix find themselves on the 6th floor an hour before school starts, settling down with their makeshift breakfasts and uncompleted homework from the night before. Knowing Jeongin, he must be suffering with this new sleep schedule, but Felix doesn’t really mind it. There’s something magical about the classroom in the early AM, something about the soft morning light that makes the empty desks look almost romantic. It’s like someone’s drizzled warm honey across the sky, and Felix loves letting the cool breeze from the open window ruffle his bed head as he listens to his friends giggle.

“So is that a no to the cowbell?” Chan asks sheepishly, slumping in his seat. 

Felix tries to fix his face with the most sympathetic expression that he can. “Chan-hyung, I think you might wanna skip it on this one. What’s going on? This song’s been completed for a week, but you keep adding random samples and obsessing over it.” 

“Ughhh…” Chan groans, thumping his head down on the desk. 

Felix tries to pat his shoulder placatingly as Chan grumbles into the wooden surface. He huffs out a deep breath before sitting up to face Felix again, “You don’t miss anything, do you? I just can’t get past this piece, something’s off about the vocals. I know we’re releasing this officially as a rap group, but I thought this could be a really cool, dynamic track. I just can’t get Han or my vocals to fit though, we need a fresher sound.”

Chan slams his head down on the desk again in defeat. “I need a vocalist!” 

Jeongin giggles from across the room, the sound slightly muffled by how he’s chomping down on his apple.

“Hey, have some respect! Our leader’s having a mental breakdown here!” Jisung cries, socking Jeongin in the shoulder. 

“Ah!” He exclaims, pouting at Jisung as he rubs his bruise, “I was just thinking it’s kind of funny.” 

“What’s funny?” Chan mumbles half heartedly into the desk. 

“Well, I was just thinking how funny it is that you need a vocalist and Seungmin and I have won the talent show vocal section three years in a row. What a coincidence,” Jeongin replies casually. 

He continues to chomp at his apple, oblivious to how Chan has shot up from his seat, a crazy look in his eyes. 

“You can sing? Like really sing?” Chan demands. 

“Yeah?” Jeongin says, bewildered, “And Seungmin as well.”

“Holy shit,” Chan’s eyes are as wide as saucers as he turns to face Jisung, “Dude, thank you so much for making me babysit even more of your 2nd year friends.”

“You’re... welcome?” Jisung replies, but Chan is already tugging Jeongin from his seat.

He drags the younger boy to the recording closet, mumbling as they go. Felix and Jisung exchange a slightly alarmed look as Jeongin is ushered away. They both know how Chan can get when he’s stressed, so they aren’t necessarily that worried about their maknae, but Jeongin is sure gone in a flash.

“C’mon, we gotta record some samples! Please tell me you can hit a high C,” Chan’s voice continues before the soundproof door swings shut. 

The classroom is abruptly silent, aside from Jisung’s giggle. 

“He’ll be okay… right?” Felix wonders, slightly anxiously. 

“Yeah sure, after Chan’s milked him for all the backing vocals he can get. Or lead vocals, depending on how willing Jeonginnie is for slave labor.” Jisung snorts, flipping through his english workbook. 

“Very funny,” Felix rolls his eyes.

He uncuffs the sleeves of his oversized sweater, fisting the extra fabric over his small fingers to shield them from the frigid air leaking through the flimsy windows. 

Jisung pulls a giant pair of soundproof headphones from his bag, and settles down on the floor leaning against a chipping wall with his textbooks balanced in his lap. “I’ve got like ten assignments to complete because  _ somebody  _ refuses to help me out with my english worksheets.” he whines.

“You asked me to fill out the entire worksheet, Sungie. I think that’s a little more than just helping you out,” Felix chides, but Jisung just sticks out his tongue immaturely before clamping the giant headphones over his ears.

With Jisung distracted, Felix can finally put out his notebook and get to work. He doesn’t have so much homework this morning, so it’s a good time to look over his lyrics, and see if there’s anything to be improved. Felix is hesitant to admit it, but he’s filled up at least ten more pages after that evening with Changbin. He didn’t expect to fall into it so easy, but Chan was right, there’s something almost addicting about it. That’s not to say his lyrics are all that good, Felix has spent hours staring at his verses until he hates them, but he’s proud of himself for finally getting something out. Finally putting those chaotic thoughts down on paper instead of letting them rattle around in his head until it aches behind his eyes. 

“Beep, beep, beep, my  _ gaydar _ is going off like crazy!” Minho cries with a wolfish grin as he swings around the doorway into the classroom. 

“Oh my god, hyung! You can’t just say that,” Felix hisses, snapping his notebook shut frantically, “What if Jisung heard you?”

Minho snorts and plops down on the teacher’s desk at the head of the classroom. “Oh please, you think he can hear anything through those glorified earmuffs on his head?”

“I’m serious! Besides, that’s such a cringy thing to say. You’re so embarrassing,” Felix insists. 

He crumples up a stray piece of paper from the floor and pelts it at Minho’s head, who dodges in with catlike agility. He sends Felix a mischievous grin, and Felix braces for impact. Before he can stop him, Minho’s darted across the room pinching Felix’s cheeks in his hands. 

“Aww, my poor dongsaeng! Is hyungie embarrassing you, Lixie?”

Felix tries to protest, but he’s drowned out by Minho’s gleeful laughter. The older boy settles down in the desk next to Felix, moving his grip on Felix’s cheeks to run through his hair. Felix blushes and ducks, trying to evade Minho’s wandering hands. 

“If you have such a good  _ gaydar _ , then why can’t you tell that-”  _ Jisung likes you. _

Felix doesn’t finish the sentence, the reality of what he’s saying hitting him all at once and the words stuttering in his chest. Despite his clamped lips, Minho seems to understand what Felix was implying nonetheless. The unsaid words linger in the air like the swirl of Felix’s breath suspended in the frigid cold as he waits at the bus stop. They’re both suddenly and profoundly aware of how they’re both trying not to look over to where Jisung is curled over his workbooks across the classroom.  _ Apparently Jisung hasn’t been as subtle as he thought,  _ Felix realizes with dread. 

Minho is the first to break their fragile eye contact, sending Felix a wry smile before letting his eyes wander to Jisung’s sprawling form. Jisung is nodding absently along to his music, oblivious to how the classroom is suddenly entirely silent. Felix watches in anticipation as Minho’s eyes softly scan Jisung's face. They linger on Jisung’s chapped lips where he’s nibbling on the end of his pen, and Felix realizes that he’s never seen so much fondness in Minho’s gaze. At the same time, there’s hesitation in the hard lines of his shoulders. Minho is such an anomaly, Felix has never been great at reading the older boy’s face. Even sitting squeezed together, with Minho’s hand heavy on the back of his neck, Felix can’t tell what Minho’s thinking. 

He’s terrified to break the silence, and when Minho finally speaks, his voice is rough. “Don’t worry Lixie, I haven’t had an issue noticing that one.”

“Then why aren’t you doing anything about it?” Felix blurts. 

Minho just leans back in his seat, shaking his head lightly. 

“No, seriously! You know he likes you- what? Do you not like him back or something?” Felix presses, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. 

“It’s not about that,” Minho argues, his expression growing guarded. 

“Of course it is!” Felix insists, “You like him, he likes you- that’s happily ever after, isn’t it? You’ve obviously made him wait long enough, so why aren’t you doing anything about it?”

Minho’s sighs in exasperation, reaching up to rake a hand anxiously through his soft hair. “I could say the same about you, Lee Felix. You obviously like Changbin. So why aren’t you doing anything about-”

“Woah, woah, woah! Who said anything about me liking Changbin!?” Felix squeaks, jumping from his seat. 

In lieu of a response, Minho raises a single brow skeptically.

“No seriously, I have no idea where you’re getting this from!” Felix denies petulantly. 

He doesn’t understand where Minho could possibly get the idea that Felix likes Changbin from, especially after all their arguments. Felix couldn’t possibly have romantic feelings towards Changbin! No, all of his feelings towards Changbin are  _ anger _ . He’s intimidating, has terrible social presence, and goes out of his way to bother Felix. After all their terrible interactions, Felix doesn’t understand why everyone keeps accusing him of having a crush on Changbin. They aren’t even friends, much less romantically involved. Sure, maybe Felix finds Changbin attractive, but that wouldn’t mean he has some kind of crush or something! Besides, no matter how much time Felix spends gazing at his sharp side profile, Changbin’s sour personality ruins all of it anyways. How could Felix possibly like someone who he hasn’t had one enjoyable interaction with? Felix can’t imagine how terrible it would be to date Seo Changbin.

Except that- he did. Felix feels his cheeks burn bright red as he remembers that one night, laying in bed, when he let himself imagine what it would be like to have Changbin laying beside him, an arm curled around his waist. Felix had imagined holding hands under the desk during class, feeling the heat of Changbin’s fingers intertwined with his. He had imagined hanging out on the 6th floor between classes, taking a hold of Changbin’s sleeve to pull him behind a corner so he could press their lips together. Felix realizes suddenly that he has imagined way, way too much for somebody who claims to have a deep hatred for Seo Changbin. 

“ _ Oh shit _ .” Felix blurts in english, slapping his hands over his face to cover his flushed cheeks. 

“It’s kind of funny how you always have these really important realizations during our conversions, I feel like such a mentor.” Minho muses, lips curling in a smile. 

“Shut up- I’m not having a realization!” Felix cries from between his fingers. 

Minho picks at his fingernails smugly. “Mhm,”

“Okay let’s say hypothetically I am into Changbin- which I’m not by the way! But let’s say for argument purposes that I am,” Felix paces across the room, oblivious to Minho’s knowing grin, “It’s impossible to get close to him! He’s always so hostile, like all the time, I can barely talk to him without getting in some kind of argument! Of course I can’t do anything about it, he’d never even let me!”

“Oh I think he’d let you do a lot more than you’d think,” Minho muses, leaning forward across his desk looking infuriatingly smug. 

Felix stops in his tracks, stomping a foot in frustration. The flimsy linoleum cracks a bit under his sneakers. “Shut up, hyung! And for the record, I know you just brought this up so I’d stop bugging you about Jisung!” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Minho waves away the comment, “The issue is you’re just as aggressive as he is. Changbin’s quiet, he expresses things differently. You can’t be so quick to judge him Lixie, you have to give him time.”

“How am I supposed to give him time if I can never figure out what he's thinking? I swear he’s impossible to read!” Felix exclaims, plopping down at a nearby desk with a huff. 

The closet door creaks open, and Chan and Jeongin spill out of the makeshift recording room. Chan’s grin is blinding, and it could just be the lighting, but the dark rings around his eyes look just a little bit softer. It makes Felix’s heart ache to see Chan looking so carefree for once, after being used to weeks of the older boy’s cloudy expression. 

“Lee Felix, why didn’t you tell me your foster brother is a goddamn genius?” Chan laughs.

Felix can’t help but giggle at Jeongin’s bashful expression. “I didn’t know either! Genius, huh Innie?”

“Shut up,” Jeongin mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck shyly, “Seungmin-hyung’s even better…” 

“Arg, don’t say that! Our very own golden maknae!” Chan teases, ruffling a hand through Jeongin’s still quite messy hair. 

Jeongin tries to dodge Chan’s grip around his shoulders, but Felix can tell his soft grin means he’s really enjoying the attention. His eyes are squinted with the force of his smile, the way it only does when Jeongin feels particularly loved. 

Chan finally frees Jeongin after one last rub to the younger boy’s scalp, who quickly darts across the room to join Jisung curled on the floor. “So what were you two talking about?” Chan asks.

Felix opens his mouth to answer, but Minho beats him to it. “Felix is complaining that Changbin is apparently ‘impossible to read.’”

Felix resents Minho’s comical hand quotes as he recounts Felix’s complaint. Chan hums in understanding, taking a seat next to them, not noticing the sharp glare that Felix sends in Minho’s direction. 

“I mean sure, I guess I could understand where you’re coming from, but really it’s the entire opposite. Changbin always shows it the most when he’s flustered, have you ever seen the way his ears turn bright red?” Chan muses.

“Uh- no?” Felix replies hesitantly, startled by the way Minho breaks out in giggles next to him. 

“No seriously!” Chan laughs, “I remember back in the beginning, whenever he wanted to share any lyrics with us, his ears would turn so red I thought they might- might fall off or something!”

“Oh yeah, and remember how he used to wear those stupid beanies whenever you guys had a live show so he could pull them down to hide his ears!” Minho continues, grin wide and teasing.

Felix is absently aware of how dumbfounded he must look, staring at his friends in shock. “You’re kidding.”

“I swear I’m not! He’s gotten a lot better at performing, and he’s never shy sharing his lyrics anymore, but you make one comment and his ears turn bright red,” Chan argues through his laughter.

“Huh…” Felix replies, mind turning.

It’s such a weird revelation to know that Changbin feels emotions like a normal person.  _ Of course he feels emotions Felix, what were you thinking?  _ Felix chides himself, shaking his head. It’s just that before he even met Changbin, Felix’s friends had convinced him that Changbin was some kind of stone cold psychopath. Actually meeting Changbin didn’t even help, all their interactions awkward and stilted. It had been fun that one evening on the 6th floor learning how to write lyrics, but even then Changbin had never seemed phased by anything. Normal people emotions or not, this feels like a piece of info that Felix definitely shouldn’t know. 

“By the way Felix-ah, It’s funny you mention Changbin, because I just asked him if he’d be willing to workshop some lyrics with you after class,” Chan mentions offhandedly. 

“What? Why? No! My lyrics don’t need any workshopping!” Felix blurts hastily, slamming his hands down on the desk in front of him.

Chan jumps, sending the younger boy a bewildered look. “What’s up with that reaction? I was just looking at some more of your stuff last night and I think it would be great if you could be featured on a couple more tracks. Changbin’ll be able to help you refine some of the verses I think would work nicely.” 

Felix sighs, running a sweater-sleeve clad hand over his face. “Um- okay yeah. Sure, no problem.”

He ducks his head, trying to avoid Minho’s smug gaze. It’s not hard to guess that the older boy’s face must be a picture of triumph. Minho has always been partial to gloating, and Felix does not think he can handle that right now. He sneaks a peak to the side, just to see Minho’s face twisted into a satisfied smirk like Felix had feared. 

“Oh hush,” Felix hisses, “And take care of  _ your  _ loverboy- I think he’s fallen asleep on his history homework.” 

Jisung is, in fact, fast asleep slumped over Jeongin’s shoulder. He’s snoring softly, and with every inhale his history textbook wobbles precariously where it’s balanced on his knees. He’s obviously not used to waking up at the earlier hour, and Felix huffs out a laugh at Jisung's ridiculous sleeping posture. Minho sends him a withering glare, before standing up and stalking over to where the two are curled on the floor. 

“Yah, Han Jisung! Class time!” Minho says, snatching the clunky headphones off Jisung’s head. 

Jisung wakes with a start, staring up at Minho drowsily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “...Hyung?”

Felix can’t help but smile as he watches Minho flee from the room, Jisung scrambling to follow him. After his conversation with Minho, it’s easy to see a softness in their gazes that you only see between lovers. They’re so painfully obvious in their fond teasing. His friends’ antics are almost enough to distract Felix from what’s coming up later that evening. 

Key word: almost. 

→

Felix finds himself crippled by nerves all day long. He’s always known that his anxiety tends to manifest physically, in stomach aches and fingernails bitten down to the quick, but it’s still stressful every time. By the time he reaches last period, he’s hunched over in his desk trying to ignore the way his stomach is twisting itself into knots. He feels so ridiculous, anxiety bubbling in his stomach, but he can’t help the feeling. Mostly, it’s just confusing. Felix doesn’t understand why he’s so nervous, he’s been hanging out with Changbin nearly every day since school started. 

_ Except you haven’t been hanging out alone,  _ a voice in Felix’s head reminds him,  _ besides, remember what happened last time? _

A wave of guilt washes over Felix as he remembers their fight. That’s one thing that Felix and his internal monologue can agree on, they don’t want it to be a repeat of last time. As much as he wants to ignore it, Felix is also hesitantly aware that his feelings towards Changbin have changed a bit since they last spent time alone together. Not a crush, not like Minho was implying! Just maybe, a subtle shift…

The last bell rings, and Felix is out of his seat in a flash. He takes the stairs up to the 6th floor two at a time, sneakers slapping against the linoleum. When he gets anxious like this it always helps to run, making the anxious, jittery feeling festering inside him subside a little. Standing in front of the door to the 6th floor landing, Felix is panting, and he has to take a second to catch his breath and push his hair out of his eyes before he shoulders open the door. 

“Oh- hi!” Felix jumps at the sight of Changbin leaning casually against the wall engrossed in his black notebook as always. 

Changbin looks up to meet Felix’s eyes, and smiles his sort of small stilted smile, before nodding towards the classroom door. Felix follows him silently, and the two take a seat at two nearby desks in front of the open window.

Changbin turns to look out into the yard, and the cool breeze slowly ruffles through his inky dark bangs. The biting air centers Felix, pacifying some of his jitters, and he finds himself relaxing into the desk chair. He didn’t get to acknowledge it the first time, but it’s surprisingly nice sitting in the quiet with Changbin, gazing at the profile of his strong nose and angular jaw. There’s something soothing about the moment- the chilly air, the soft afternoon sun, or maybe just Seo Changbin’s presence. 

Changbin turns towards Felix with a start. “So? You’ve got something to show me?”

“I- I do?” Felix blurts. 

“Yeah…” Changbin huffs out a laugh, “Chan said he wanted me to workshop a piece with you for one of our tracks. Page five?”

“Right!” Felix replies hastily, pulling out his backpack. 

He leaves through crumpled school documents and stray workbooks before he finds his notebook, flipping the pages until he finds the correct verse. “Chan says he likes this one?” 

“Mhm. He thinks we’ll be able to make something good out of it. Let me read this over and add a couple edits.” Changbin says, grabbing the notebook.

Felix isn’t nearly as on edge as he was just minutes prior, but watching Changbin’s eyes scan his lyrics doesn’t help. It had been difficult enough to let Chan read his work, but Changbin’s an entire different ballpark. His dark eyes are critical as they pan back and forth across the page, and Felix can’t help but fidget in his seat. 

Watching Changbin edit the entire thing probably won’t help with his anxiety, so Felix tries to take deep breaths as he surveys the room. He can’t help but notice Changbin’s black notebook sitting on a nearby desk in all it’s weathered glory. Felix reaches out a hand to brush over the leather surface. 

“Can I?”

Changbin peers over Felix’s notebook to send him a teasing look. “Oh, so  _ now  _ you ask?”

“Hey! I said I was sorry for that!” Felix protests, frowning.

“I’m joking,” Changbin smiles, “knock yourself out.”

Felix is startled at the warm expression on Changbin’s face before he turns his attention back to Felix’s work. It’s a little bit jarring, and Felix finds himself inexplicably flustered. He distracts himself by grabbing the black notebook and flipping through the pages. It’s not all legible, some of it seemingly scribbled in a haste, but it’s neater than the pages of loose leaf paper that he had found littered with Changbin’s lyrics. There’s personality in the smeared graphite and the bold titles, most of which have been crossed out and rewritten multiple times. Felix flips to the most recent entry and skims the page. 

_ Even a fool knows this  _

_ You’re the best thing I’ve got  _

_ Once again towards you  _

_ One more step, I will never stop  _

_ I shouldn’t turn away... _

He slams the notebook shut with a haste, sending a plume of dust from the desk shooting up into the air. That felt like something Felix definitely wasn’t supposed to read. The lyrics were soft, intimate, and Felix can abruptly feel warmth flood his cheeks. The words circle frantically around in his head, “ _ You’re the best thing I’ve got.”  _ At the sound of the notebook slamming shut, Changbin looks up to send Felix a questioning look. 

“Who did you write these for? They’re so- romantic!” Felix blurts, aware of how his face must be on fire. 

“What? Nobody, give me that!” Changbin yelps, snatching back his notebook.

He quickly shoves it deep inside his backpack, and lets out a deep breath. “Chan asked Han and I to try something a little more romantic for one of our tacks. I guess I just found some inspiration lately, so I was trying to roll with it or something.” 

“Inspiration..?” Felix wonders, leaning forward to try and meet Changbin’s downward gaze.

“Yeah I mean, it’s not like a big deal or anything,” Changbin murmurs.

It’s almost as if Changbin is shy or something, but his face is devoid of emotion as always. There’s something apprehensive, and just a little bit bashful in his tone that makes Felix do a double take, though. He dismisses the thought immediately, even if Changbin was feeling shy for some reason Felix wouldn't even be able to tell. Changbin is impossible to read as always, face blank and eyebrows furrowed. Except, according to Chan, apparently he isn’t quite impossible to read. Felix peers to the side and-

“Oh my gosh! Your ears are so red!” Felix grins.

“What? No they aren’t!” Changbin protests, eyes wide.

It’s too late, Felix is already giggling triumphantly. Changbin’s face is a picture of horror, and Felix can’t stop laughing at the way his ears stand out from the stark black of his hair as a flaming red. He reaches out on impulse, grasping one side of Changbin’s jaw and leaning over further to see his ears in all their tomato-red glory. 

“Yah! Quit it!” Changbin cries, trying to wiggle out of Felix’s hold.

At Changbin’s dramatic cry, Felix finally gives in, leaning back a couple inches so the two of them are face to face. His giggles have started to subside, but he can’t stop the blinding grin covering his face. It’s so comical, the idea of Seo Changbin getting flustered because somebody read his love song. If somebody had told Felix a couple months ago that he’d be sitting in the abandoned classroom reading Changbin’s flowery lyrics, he would have laughed in their face. Changbin seems to catch the humor of the situation as well, because he huffs out a quiet, self-deprecating laugh as well. 

As the two of them quiet, Felix becomes alarmingly aware of the situation they’re in. They’re both leaned across their desks so that their faces are no more than a couple inches apart, and Felix still has a soft hold on Chanbin’s jaw, framing his face. Changbin exhales, and his warm breath tickles Felix’s cheeks. He tries his best to stop it, but it’s inevitable the way his gaze drifts down to rest on Changbin’s lips. They’re a light pink color, plump and smooth, and the sight makes Felix’s stomach turn over. He realizes with a start that he must be staring, but when he flicks his gaze back up to meet Changbin’s eyes, the other boy’s stare is also downturned towards Felix’s mouth. 

Felix is surprised by his urge to lean in and close the gap. He’s never actually kissed anyone before, and he didn’t expect the impulse to come so naturally. The idea of actually pressing their lips together is terrifying- what if Changbin leans away? If he does kiss Felix back, what happens afterwards? Most of all, Felix’s never had his first kiss, how is he supposed to know what to do? The silence between them is tense, and Felix would be fidgeting with anxiety if he wasn’t frozen in his seat. The warmth of Changbin’s breath on his face is making Felix dizzy, and he gazes up through his lashes to see Changbin’s soft gaze still focused on his lips.  _ What am I thinking? Changbin is barely moving, of course he doesn’t want to kiss me!  _ Felix thinks, cursing himself. He’s about to pull away, convinced he’s read the situation wrong, when Changbin shifts. 

Felix is startled to feel Changbin’s arm reach out, winding around Felix’s waist. His large hand lands on the small of Felix’s back, a warm, comforting weight through the knit of Felix’s sweater. He can’t help but gasp, arching into the touch, bringing their faces impossibly closer. Sitting like this with Changbin’s strong arm wrapped around him, and Felix’s hand still cradling the side of his jaw, the two of them feel wrapped in each other. The familiar scent of his cologne is so intoxicating that Felix couldn’t tear himself away from Changbin now if he tried. His warm hand is so large that it nearly spans the entire length of Felix’s lower back, and he’s aware that if Changbin tightens his grasp at all their chests will press together. Felix doesn’t know if he has the courage to press their lips together, and he finds himself praying that Changbin will be the one to pull them together, closing the gap. 

In a burst of courage, Felix arches closer, pressing their torsos together and sending a shiver down his spine at the contact. With the line of their bodies pressed together, Changbin tightens his grasp on Felix’s waist and swoops forward to press the heat of their mouths together before-

“Hey, Jackson-ah did you say you found their shit in this classroom?” A familiar voice calls from the hallway.

Changbin freezes, their lips just brushing together but not quite touching.

“Yeah, I swear they’ve set up camp here or something. That one kid and all his queer little friends,” Jackson laughs tauntingly.

The bitter chuckle sends a stab of terror down Felix’s spine. Although he’s still wrapped in Changbin’s arms, the warmth mingling between them has given way to frigid fear. He looks up to meet Changbin’s eyes, and the other boy’s face is also slack with horror. 

“Looks like somebody needs to be taught a lesson about who the 6th floor belongs to,” Jaebeom drawls, voice heavy with amusement, “Shouldn’t be too hard once we fuck up their studio.” 

Their voices echo in the empty hallway, quiet enough that Felix can tell they haven’t reached the door yet, but growing louder as they approach. Felix’s mind is simultaneously running through every single worst possible scenario, and infuriatingly blank. 

“Run for it?” Changbin whispers into the space between their lips. 

As much as he’s paralyzed with fear, Felix is aware that if the 3rd years find them here, especially in this compromising position, they’re dead. There’s only one exit to the classroom though, and the boys’ footsteps are growing closer every second. Felix was able to outrun them once before, but every second of it had felt like pure luck. Then again, what other choice does he have? Felix nods his head frantically in reply. 

“Okay,” Changbin murmurs, voice suddenly grave, “Follow my lead, on the count of three. One… two…”

They make a run for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! this is a super mega long chapter because I know this week has been particularly stressful for my fellow US stays with the election. I didn't have barely any time to work on this because my evil honors precalc teacher has it out for me, but when I finally did start writing this it ended up being a monster of a chapter. also fun fact! this fic has finally reached the point where I am officially not okay with anyone I'm acquainted with in real life knowing I wrote this. so if you know me irl, no you don't <3
> 
> also I know I always reply to all of the comments from you guys with something cryptic like "I have a lot of exciting stuff planned" but did I not deliver with this one?? I just crammed so much plot development into one chapter. the ultimate result was not actually intended to be 600 words of changlix sexual tension at the end but hey we deserve it after this week.
> 
> anyways I hope you all enjoyed, and I really look forward to reading all your comments on this one! see you all next time (for an unfortunately slightly shorter chapter)


	10. Chapter 10

The Korean countryside is a blur out the train window, the last few yellow and reds of autumn leaves creating a sunset smear across the train window. The glimpses of quaint rural neighborhoods and colorful forests are charming, but do little to calm Felix’s anxiety. He can’t stop the way his legs are bouncing against the carpeted floor, unable to calm his nerves.

Felix tears his eyes away from the window, glancing to the seat next to him where Jeongin has already dozed off, drool pooling at the corner of his gaping mouth. His poor foster brother must have been sleepy, Felix notes as he softly pats down Jeongin’s unruly hair. The Yang’s annual trip to Busan over Chuseok break is a tradition that they’ve kept up since Jeongin was only a couple years old. Felix is honored to be dragged along, despite the inhuman hour they had to wake up at to catch the train. It’s his first time outside of Seoul since he arrived, and it’s all as beautiful as he imagined. Seoul has its own urban charm, but there’s something very different about seeing the country in its organic form. The seasons in Korea are practically magical, and their marvels are even more evident in the countryside. The sweeping views stir up an excitement in the pit of Felix’s stomach that reminds him of stepping off the plane for the first time in Incheon International Airport. Despite the chill of winter clouding the sky and creating a thin layer of frost over the grass, the colors of the scenery bleed through the mist like watercolors spilling over paper. 

Honestly, Felix is probably more excited to see Busan then he should be. His father refuses to talk about his time growing up in Korea, but he had mentioned once in passing that Busan had been his hometown. The city is large, and the likelihood of their trip overlapping with the neighborhood where his father had grown up is small, but Felix still likes to dream. He imagines this trip might help him feel a little bit closer to what his family used to be, their history. As the country scenery starts to blend into Busan city streets, Felix feels longing tug at his chest. He doesn’t want to look away from the window, scared to miss a second of the charismatic little neighborhoods as they whizz by. 

The views can only distract him for so long, however. He’s tried everything to distract himself, but he can’t quite stop thinking about it. Every time Felix lets his mind drift, he finds himself back in that classroom, Changbin’s heavy gaze in his lips. He can’t close his eyes without feeling the warmth of a strong arm winding around his waist and pulling him against a broad chest. Felix feels a familiar swoop deep in his stomach, and he digs his nails into the palms of his hands to distract himself from the vivid recollection. It almost feels surreal, thinking about it now days later and over a hundred miles away. He hadn’t even known that Changbin was attracted to guys, much less Felix. Sure, Minho had joked about it, but Felix hadn’t thought to consider whether or not Minho was implying something deeper. His cheeks burn red remembering how he was barely inches away from that face he had been so attracted to that first day. If he squeezes his eyes shut, he can nearly feel the warm breath panning across his lips. It’s almost enough for Felix to doubt that it ever happened, but there’s no mistaking the way that Changbin had held him. _That’s another dangerous thought,_ Felix chides himself, shaking his head as if it will banish any unwanted memories. 

On top of all his Changbin-fueled anxiety, Felix can’t stop worrying about the 6th floor classroom. After Jaebeom and Jackson had shown up, Felix and Changbin had barely had any time to dart to the far door and sneak out the stairwell. They hadn’t been followed, but Felix finds it hard to believe that the 3rd years didn’t see them escape with how they had been sprinting down the hall. They had immediately split once reaching the yard, and Felix ran all the way home without stopping, terrified that he would turn around and see the 3rd years’ sneering faces. Upon reaching the Yang’s house, Felix was shaking so hard he could barely type out a text to Chan about what had happened as he panted with exhaustion. 

Felix can’t help the guilt he feels as he sits curled up on the train seat. He knows that Chan has a key to the school stairwell that he was planning on using so that he could record in the classroom over break. Apparently he’s put that to use, because the older boy sent him a text only an hour ago, describing the damage as “not too bad!” Apparently the recording studio was entirely unharmed, but it seems that the boys kept their promise about trashing the classroom. Felix doesn’t even know if Chan’s being honest about the state of the room because he always puts up such a brave face. The uncertainty is eating Felix alive as he glares as the passing shrubs and snow-dusted trees.

It’s too much for Felix to worry about so early in the day, although that’s never stopped him before. His skin is crawling with guilt no matter how much he tries to shove the thoughts out of his head. Still, he’s making an effort these days not to stew too much in his anxiety. Felix shifts back towards Jeongin, burying his face into the crook of the sleeping boy’s shoulder. They’ve still got a way to go on their commute, so a nap probably won’t hurt. 

→

“What did you say your name was again, young man?”

Jeongin’s grandmother sends Felix a warm smile, creasing the wrinkled skin near her eyes. She’s sitting with rigid posture, greying hair pulled up in a neat bun, but her kind expression and melodic voice dissipate any of Felix’s nerves. Despite her old age, Felix can see her obvious similarities to the other Yang’s in her glowing smile. 

“Ah, it’s Felix,” Felix replies, bowing his head awkwardly. 

“Felix! What a unique name,” she muses gesturing him into the room, “Come, sit down. Tell me, how long have you been in Korea now?”

The Yang’s shuffle through the doorway to settle down on floor cushions surrounding a large, low table. Felix follows, settling down next to Jeongin. The sitting room is fairly spacious, but full of personality. There’s family photos in neat frames, mismatched floral pillows, and a collection of beautiful fine china presented on a credenza. His eyes are drawn to the large windows, which display a modest garden with a couple ancient trees and a small flower garden obviously tended to by Jeongin’s grandmother herself. The whole home has obviously been organised with so much care. Felix feels a pang of longing as he imagines how serene it must have been to grow up in such a warm and peaceful place. 

He clears his throat, averting his eyes from the picturesque view. “Just about a month and a half. You have a beautiful home, seonsaengnim.”

“Oh nonsense, you can call me halmeoni! And thank you, my husband was never one for interior design but I like to think I gave it my own charm,” she replies with a wink.

“Eomma, don’t gossip!” Mrs. Yang chides, frowning at her mother. 

Felix can’t help but giggle along with Jeongin as Halmeoni rolls her eyes. “It’s been nearly a year since I’ve seen my daughter and her family, I’m allowed a little gossip. Speaking of which, Jeongin, how are you doing darling? I heard you just took your final exams.”

Jeongin’s eyes light up as he begins to ramble on about his various exams in the last week of school. He’s off on a tangent again, ranting on a mile a minute. It reminds Felix of when they first met, and he can’t help but reminisce on how intimidating Jeongin’s confidence had been that first day. He certainly hasn’t changed, still prone to ramble on for ages. Mr. and Mrs. Yang try to interject every so often with their own comments, but Halmeoni doesn’t seem to mind, gazing fondly at her grandson. 

The conversation carries on as the Yang’s recount their summer vacations and Halmeoni fills them in on the neighborhood happenings. Soon an hour has passed, but Felix doesn’t mind much, being free to zone out and watch the wind ruffle the naked branches of the trees outside. Suddenly Mr. Yang stands, holding out a hand to his wife. 

“Well, it seems to be getting late, and I believe we have a party to attend.”

“Party?” Felix wonders to Jeongin. 

“Once everyone’s back for the holidays there’s always some sort of get-together. We always go with Halmeoni and eat way too much food and have to spend all night avoiding Eomma’s childhood friends,” Jeongin laughs, skipping to the front door. 

The five of them head out to the street, and walk a couple blocks down to another neighbor’s house. It’s obviously the location of the aforementioned party, people streaming through the doors holding steaming pots of food. Some are adorned in more traditional hanboks, while most are dressed in casual clothes, faces lighting up at the sight of old friends. The atmosphere is charmingly homely. Felix follows Jeongin inside, where they’re surrounded by melodic music and smiling faces. 

They end up settled in a couple of armchairs in the corner, watching as Halmeoni weaves through the room chatting with all her friends. She seems to be the life of the party, everyone in the neighborhood having something to tell her or some dish for her to try. Unfortunately, there’s not much for Jeongin and Felix to do considering they don’t know many people at the party, and they’ve gotten a little tired of rock paper scissors battles. Felix would almost be bored, but it’s impossible with all the noise and color surrounding them. It feels like taking a peek into somebody else's world, and the bustle of the party has him mystified. 

As Felix watches the sky slowly fade from grey to pink, his mind begins to wander. _I wonder what Changbin’s doing right now. Is he still in Seoul? Does he also spend Chuseok with his family, like Jeongin?_

Felix scrunches his nose in annoyance, shifting in his chair. _Why am I thinking about him again? I must look like some kind of lovesick, pining teenager._

He can almost imagine Minho’s smug smile, taunting him, ‘Yes you do,’

 _Well maybe it’s natural to still be wondering about him. I never even checked to see if he got home safely!_ Felix worries.

He takes a deep breath before spinning to face Jeongin. The younger boy is sprawled across the adjacent armchair, fingers flying across his phone screen.

“Jeonginnie? Would you happen to have Changbin’s phone number?” Felix chances, cringing at the hesitation in his voice. 

Jeongin peers over the top of his phone screen, eyes slanted mischievously. “Hmm… why do you need it?”

“Gosh,” Felix protests, blushing “I just wanted to text him to make sure he got home okay!”

Jeongin’s face is a picture of disbelief, and Felix doesn't blame him. Nonetheless, his foster brother leans forward and lists out the digits for Felix to punch into his phone. 

“Thank you,” Felix mumbles, keeping his eyes pointedly focused on his phone screen.

Jeongin giggles, slumping back in his chair and flashing his wide smile. 

“No problem, good luck hyung!” He sings.

“Yah! What do you mean ‘good luck!?’” Felix argues, but Jeongin only laughs harder leaning over to clutch his stomach as his shoulders shake. 

Felix rolls his eyes, ignoring Jeongin’s antics. Now of course, there’s the matter of what to say. Felix is abruptly aware of how few conversations he’s actually had with Changbin. He doesn’t know what to say to the older boy, much less whether or not Changbin would even be happy to receive a text from Felix. He doesn’t even notice he’s begun to chew at fingernails until he feels a prick of pain at his cuticles. He’s aware that he’s obviously worrying way too much about one simple text, but for some reason it feels so much bigger than just that,

> **Lee Felix (5:36pm)**
> 
> hi changbin-ah, it’s felix!
> 
> just wondering if you got home okay haha

Felix immediately cringes as soon as he presses the send button, sliding down in his chair to glare angrily at the ceiling. Did he sound too casual? What if Changbin doesn’t even reply? Felix groans, burying his face in the sleeves of his sweater. He’s absently aware of Jeongin still giggling just to his left, but Felix can’t focus on anything more than his mantra of ‘kill me now.’ 

Suddenly his phone chirps, and Felix shoots up, jabbing hastily at the glowing screen. 

> **Seo Changbin (5:38pm)**
> 
> Don’t worry, I didn’t run into them again.

_Of course he texts like somebody’s grandfather,_ Felix thinks fondly as he smiles at the screen. In a burst of confidence he starts typing out his next message.

> **Lee Felix (5:38pm)**
> 
> that’s good to hear!! i was hoping nothing bad happened!

Felix immediately regrets the message, wondering if he’s overstepped. It’s always so hard to tell Changbin's feelings from his expressions, but Felix finds himself wishing they were talking face to face. Even that would be better than the uncertainty of emotionless text bubbles. 

> **Seo Changbin (5:39pm)**
> 
> How about you? Are you doing alright?
> 
> **Lee Felix (5:40pm)**
> 
> of course! nothing to worry about here haha :3

Felix cringes again smacking his forehead against the phone screen. How is he even going to bring it up? The near kiss has been weighing on his mind but it’s not like he can flat out text that to Changbin. It turns out he doesn’t have to worry too hard, as his phone chirps with another message. 

> **Seo Changbin (5:41pm)**
> 
> I’m not talking about Jaebeom and Jackson. 

Felix gapes at the message, rereading it again and again to make sure that Changbin really is implying what Felix thinks he is. He doesn’t have the slightest clue of how to respond to this message, he doesn’t even know whether or not Changbin thinks he’s a freak for what happened. Felix looks up to see Jeongin wiggling his eyebrows mischievously, and Felix narrows his eyes at his foster brother before glaring again at his phone. _Screw it, it looked like he wanted to kiss me anyways,_ Felix huffs to himself, pressing send.

> **Lee Felix (5:43pm)**
> 
> i liked spending the afternoon with you
> 
> all of it

Changbin’s typing bubble appears and disappears a couple times

> **Seo Changbin (5:44pm)**
> 
> I’m glad. 

Mortifyingly, Felix almost lets out some kind of inhuman squeak before he realises that he’s very much still in public. He turns to Jeongin, eyes wide, and clutches his phone to his chest.

“That was so stressful I think I’m gonna throw up,” Felix blurts.

Jeongin almost falls out of his chair laughing this time, a wide smile squinting his eyes shut and head thrown back. Felix reaches over to try to sock him in the arm, but he dodges it, still cackling. 

“I see you boys have found some way to entertain yourselves!” Halmeoni interrupts, standing before them with her hands planted on her hips. 

“Ah- yes Halmeoni,” Jeongin giggles sheepishly. 

She sends them a warm smile, before gesturing further into the masses of the party. “Come! I couldn’t let the two of you sit alone in the corner all night, let’s go meet my friends.”

The boys nod, before standing and following Halmeoni to where she had been sitting at a cluster of couches with a couple other elderly ladies. They all seem to be old friends, laughing heartily and throwing out teasing comments. Felix can’t help but smile at such a warm scene.

“Listen up girls, you all remember my grandson Jeongin, and this is Felix,” Halmeoni announces.

Suddenly there’s a swarm of elderly ladies cooing at the two of them and scooting over to make room on the couches. They sit down gingerly, and Jeongin giggles as upwards of five voices remark on how much he’s grown. Felix laughs as Jeongin dodges a hand reaching to squeeze his cheek. 

“Oh Felix,” Halmeoni comments while Jeongin is distracted entertaining the elderly ladies,“This is my oldest friend, Eunmi. I’ve known her since we were just little girls.”

Felix nods respectfully, murmuring a quick hello. Eunmi is a kind-looking old lady, face creased with lines from both smiles and worry. Her eyes are warm and friendly, although her smile doesn’t quite reach them. 

“Felix! What a unique name, young man. I’m afraid I haven’t heard that name in, oh, about fifteen years,” Eunmi reminisces, gliding a finger over the rim of her teacup nostalgically. 

“Don’t mind her! She loves to be mysterious!” Halmeoni laughs teasingly. 

Eunmi smiles at her friend before turning back to Felix. “Say, you look mighty familiar. Have we met before?”

Felix opens his mouth to reply, but Halmeoni beats him to it, chortling happily, “Oh you couldn’t! Felix here is an exchange student from Australia!”

Something seems to flash over Eunmi’s eyes before she schools her expression. Felix notices that suddenly that her grip has turned white on the teacup handle. Her smile is a touch tighter when she opens her mouth to speak again. 

“Oh my… Australia. What did you say your name was again?” 

“Felix, Lee Felix,” He replies cautiously. 

“Ah, Lee Felix from Australia. How nice,” Eunmi repeats, voice quiet. “I hope you two don’t mind, I have to go check on my dish.” 

She excuses herself quickly, heaving herself to her feet the best she can and heading towards the kitchen. Felix blinks at her retreating back, wondering why she had to leave so quickly. Her colorful sweater slips away between crowds of people, and their conversation has been lost in the bustle of the party.

“Don’t mind her, child. She lost her daughter a while back and still hasn’t quite recovered,” Halmeoni explains sadly, frowning after her friend. 

Felix jumps in his seat, turning to face Halmeoni. “Ah- I didn’t-”

“It was many years ago now,” she smiles, patting him placatingly on the back, “Now what was Jeongin saying about this music business you’ve been getting into?”

Felix is relieved at the change in conversation, letting Jeongin butt in to start gushing about the mixtape. He’s as enthusiastic as ever while he describes all their recording equipment, and Felix has to dodge a couple waving hands. It’s always fun to hear Jeongin talk about their new friends, and Felix suspects the younger boy could wax poetry about Chan for ages. It’s a little difficult to make sure Jeongin doesn’t accidentally mention anything about the sixth floor classroom, but with a couple strategic interruptions, Felix makes sure the conversation flows smoothly. He never thought he would be spending his school break squished on a couch entertaining elderly ladies with stories of music composition, but the atmosphere is warm and the air full of laughter; Felix wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

→

Felix turns over, burying his head in the pillow as Jeongin lets out a deafening snore. 

He had said he didn’t mind sharing a futon with his foster brother while they were staying in Busan, but Felix is beginning to regret that decision. Jeongin has been snoring steadily since his head hit the pillow, and his limbs keep sneaking over to Felix’s side of the futon. 

Felix groans, untangling Jeongin’s arms from waist, and staring up at the ceiling. Halmeoni’s home is a little more frightening at night, with all the decorative sculptures casting looming shadows up the walls. There’s much less city light in Busan, and the pitch darkness out the window makes Felix shiver. He grabs his phone from underneath his pillow, squinting as the blue light of the screen floods his face. It takes a second for his eyes to adjust, but it’s not long before he notices a notification from earlier that night on the top of his screen. 

Felix shoots up, pulling his knees to his chest and he reads over the message.

> **Seo Changbin (6:03pm)**
> 
> When are you getting back?

Felix must have missed it while he had been talking with Halmeoni’s friends. He curses himself, fingers flying across the keyboard. Would it be strange to text back this late? His finger hovers over the send button, phone inches away from his face. The same nerves settle deep in his stomach the way they always do when Felix speaks with Changbin. The silence of night time feels suffocating, and Felix sighs in frustration. Changbin might still be awake, he decides, sending off the message. 

> **Lee Felix (12:17am)**
> 
> we’re heading back sunday~
> 
> so we’ll be there for school on monday!! 

He switches off the phone, tilting back his head to stare at the ceiling again. He feels antsy, like there’s a restlessness deep in his bones telling him to run, jump, _move._ Felix checks his phone again, the text is still labeled ‘unread.’

 _Hell, I’m not going to be able to sleep like this,_ Felix decides, jumping up and grabbing a hoodie from the floor. He’s careful to be quiet opening the door, not wanting to disturb Jeongin. He creeps to the end of the hall, toeing on his sneakers, before slipping out the front door. 

Once Felix hits the fresh night air, he can’t help but take a deep inhale, staring up at the sky. The stars are so much more prominent further out of the city like this, and Felix suddenly feels a fierce nostalgia for his familiar Australian skies. It reminds him of the night before he left, staring up at the sky with so much uncertainty. Felix exhales, watching his breath cloud the air. Everything’s so different now. He digs his hands into his pockets, clenching his fists to find some warmth. Has Felix found what he’s running towards? Not quite, he decides. It’s a blur in the distance, but Felix knows there’s something there. 

He decides to head down the street, somewhat in the direction of a small park they had passed on the way to the party. Despite the darkness, it’s nice to have a chance to look around the neighborhood in the peace of night. The houses are modest, but all have their own unique charm in their brightly colored fences and miscellaneous laundry hanging from lines. The park is empty when Felix arrives, and he takes his time strolling down the path and appreciating the cool breeze. There’s a little bridge crossing over a pond, and Felix leans on the railing gazing down at the water. The silence is interrupted as his phone buzzes in his pocket.

> **Seo Changbin (12:24am)**
> 
> Okay, see you then. 

Felix smiles down at his phone, already typing back his next message. 

> **Lee Felix (12:25am)**
> 
> :)
> 
> why were u wondering?? do you miss me haha
> 
> **Seo Changbin (12:26am)**
> 
> No.
> 
> Things are better when you’re here.
> 
> I don’t know.

Felix can’t help the grin that breaks across his face. Changbin texts so awkwardly, it’s almost cute. He huddles deeper into the heat of his hoodie, exhaling on his frigid fingers to warm them before typing out another text. 

> **Lee Felix (12:27am)**
> 
> lolol
> 
> what are you doing awake changbin-ah? it’s late
> 
> **Seo Changbin (12:27pm)**
> 
> You’re awake too aren’t you?
> 
> **Lee Felix (12:28am)**
> 
> yea but i have an excuse!! jeongin is a terrible roommate :(((
> 
> what are you up to?
> 
> **Seo Changbin (12:28am)**
> 
> I don’t know, thinking I guess. 
> 
> It’s past midnight, it’s not like I can do much else. 
> 
> **Lee Felix (12:29pm)**
> 
> thinking? about who haha

Felix nibbles at his numbnail, waiting anxiously for Changbin’s reply. Something about the separation of text messages gives Felix confidence, but now he can’t help but worry he’s gone too far. It’s always so hard to tell with Changbin, and Felix doesn’t care to analyze why he cares so much about what Changbin thinks of his texts. 

> **Seo Changbin (12:31pm)**
> 
> You.
> 
> Is that what you want me to say Lee Felix?

Felix feels his stomach swoop, cheeks abruptly coloring. 

> **Lee Felix (12:32pm)**
> 
> only if it’s true

He’s so wrapped up in his messages he doesn’t notice the sound of someone else approaching until the bridge squeaks with the pressure of a foot. The creek is quiet, but distinct, the sound ringing out in the nearly empty park. Felix freezes, breath halting in his chest and fingers tightening around his phone. The silence feels fragile as Felix spins around slowly, heart beating quicker. 

A voice abruptly cuts through the silence. “Felix?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! sorry it took me so long to update this, my life was kind of falling apart for a sec there (and it basically still is I'm just doing a better job of pretending it's not lol.) I know this was a slightly shorter chapter but on the plus side I worked out my plan for the rest of the entire fic! I'm shooting for about 17 chapters in total, and I know some of you are probably groaning right now because of how much longer there is to go and how long it takes me to upload, but I swear I'm gonna try to be better about that! besides, I always find it kind of fun to read a fic as the author writes it, and get excited when I get notifications for updates, so I hope this fic brings that kind of happiness to at least some of you. 
> 
> as always, I'd love it if you left me a comment, I have tons of fun reading what you guys think of the chapter. also, feel free to tell me your guess of who Felix is going to run into at the park, I really want to hear your predictions! I tried to make that bit a little ominous, but alas I think the plotline is gonna be way too cheesy for that to work out. anyways, until next time!
> 
> edit: I just realized I accidentally typed "changbin" as "chanbgin" multiple times throughout this chapter which so so funny to me omg


	11. Chapter 11

“Felix?”

Felix spins around to see a small figure standing on the far side of the bridge. It’s hard to tell their features in the darkness, and Felix’s grip tightens unconsciously on the railing. They approach slowly, like they’re slightly unsteady on their feet, and soon they’re close enough for Felix to make out their features. Felix feels his shoulder slump in relief as realization dawns on him. 

“ Seonsaengnim?” Felix calls questioningly as Eunmi approaches.

Her kind face is familiar even if Halmeoni had only introduced her briefly at the party. She smiles as she approaches, stopping a few feet away from Felix and steadying herself on the railing. 

“Yes- Felix, was it?”

Felix nods in confirmation. “What are you doing here this late?”

Eunmi sends him a wry smile, wrapping her coat tighter around her frail frame. 

“I could ask you the same thing. Something on your mind, young man?” She asks.

“I… I guess so,” Felix replies cautiously.

He leans against the railing, gazing down into the rippling water of the pond. Eunmi just hums, mirroring his position. They stand side by side for a moment, silent besides the sound of their own breathing, before Eunmi starts again. 

“Well, what is it then?” She questions casually. 

Felix starts, surprised by her offer. “I suppose that I… I like someone,”

He’s almost surprised by his own words after they leave his mouth. Even after the classroom, the almost kiss, everything that came after, Felix has never actually said it aloud. He wants to backtrack, joke his way out of it, but it would be a lie.

“It’s always so hard to tell what they’re thinking, though. And sometimes I feel like they might be interested in me as well, but I’ve never been in a relationship before, and it’s all so confusing.” Felix continues, wringing his hands with anxiety. 

He exhales slowly, flexing his hands on the railing. “I just- I just think I want to tell them. But that’s terrifying.”

Eunmi lets his confession sit in the silence for a minute, before humming in agreement. 

“I don’t know this person you love, so I can’t tell you the right answer. I can tell you what I know, however. When you get to be as old as I am, you realize how quickly it all passes by. The pain of rejection might hurt, but if I may, the pain of lost opportunities- that doesn’t easily disappear.” She muses. 

“I- thank you  Seonsaengnim. I’ll remember that.” Felix replies, turning to face Eunmi once again.

Her expression is calm as she gazes across the water, but her face is still creased with age. In the nighttime shadows she looks older, more fragile. Felix can’t look away from her eyes, in their deep and melancholy darkness. He can’t help but wonder why they don’t quite match her smiles. 

“Now that I’ve been of a little help, may I tell you a story, Felix?”

Felix nods slowly, and Eunmi's mouth curls up at the edges before she continues. 

“I gave birth to my daughter very young- I was barely nineteen. She was four pounds, five ounces, a tiny little thing. She was always small for her age, always frail, always in and out of the doctor’s office. I prayed for my little girl, prayed that she could grow up healthy like all the other children. As she grew older she seemed to improve, but you should have seen her during flu season, poor girl would cough up a storm. 

One day she came home saying she had made a friend- my, I was so surprised! I recognized the boy from the neighborhood, his mother would always complain about him coming home with scrapes on his knees from playing down by the river and in the bushes. He was a rambunctious little boy, but him and my girl, well, they were just perfect. On the days when she couldn’t leave her bed, he would come and read her stories of all the wonderful places he wanted them to visit together once her condition improved. He learned Japanese, English, even completed his military service early so he could take my little girl to see the world.

I wasn’t surprised when he proposed. For the two of them, being together was as natural as breathing. I had never seen my daughter so happy, her face lit up like the first day she had come home yelling about the little boy down the block. I was surprised, however, when they told me they wanted to move to Australia. I was against it, of course. But I knew the two of them had a lust to see the world that I would never understand. It was only a year later that they called me up to tell me my little girl was pregnant.”

Eunmi pauses, letting out a shaky breath. Her voice is steady, but Felix notices her knuckles have turned white where she grips the railing. The silence is tense for a moment as the cool night breeze ruffles their hair, before Eunmi continues. 

“I knew she couldn’t keep the baby. She wasn’t nearly as ill as she was in her youth, but her condition was still too fragile. But no matter what I said, she loved that baby fiercely. She was going to keep it, even if it killed her. Soon the fear gave way to excitement- I was thrilled to have a grandchild, for my little girl to have a baby of her own. I couldn’t afford to fly to Australia, so when my daughter went into labor, I sat by the phone all day waiting for the call. 

It was nearly midnight when the phone rang. My son in law was sobbing, I could barely understand what he was saying besides apologizing over and over again. My daughter was in surgery for over three hours before the doctors lost her. It’s a different kind of sadness losing a child, it’s a profound grief that settles deep in your heart. They were able to save her son, although my daughter hardly got to meet him before she passed. All I know is that in her last words, she gave him a name.”

Felix is stunned, at a loss as to what to say. He can’t imagine the devastation that Eunmi must have felt, losing the person who meant the most to her. Suddenly, the grief is clear in her dark eyes as she gazes across the water. At the same time, there’s a strange hesitation simmering underneath Felix’s skin. Before he can stop himself, he’s blurting out the question that keeps circling around in his head.

“W-what did she name him?”

The question lays stagnant in the air for a moment as the nighttime chill bites as the tips of their noses.

“Felix,” Eunmi replies softly.

The realization hit him like a bag of bricks.  _ Oh god… oh no… It couldn’t be, right? There’s no way.  _

Eunmi turns to face him, a sad smile on her lips, “But my daughter allowed me to choose his Korean name. Lee Yongbok.”

Felix feels his knees buckle and he lands in a heap on the bridge. The palms of his hands scrape on the splintered wood, but he barely feels it, mind already moving a million miles per hour. It feels so unbelievable, but the stories are too similar to be simply a coincidence. How could Eunmi have known that his father was from Busan, that his mother had died when he was just a baby, how could she have known his Korean name? It’s all beginning to add up like some kind of twisted puzzle, and Felix begins to feel his breath quicken with anxiety. 

It’s difficult to associate the cold man that raised him with the sweet little boy from Eunmi’s story. Felix can’t imagine his father being young, in love, with a passion to see the world. The difference is jarring, and the shock of it leaves Felix struggling to keep his breathing in check. Could the woman from the story really have been Felix’s mother? Could there really have been someone out there who loved him so much? Felix’s eyes burn as he stares down at the worn planks of the bridge. 

Eunmi slowly lowers herself to kneel next to Felix’s slumped figure. She ducks her head to meet his eyes, attempting a warm smile. Her eyes are shining with unshed tears, and she takes a shuddering breath before speaking.

“Do you have a mother, Lee Felix?”

Felix’s body shakes with a sob. He can’t help the tears that spill down his cheeks as he squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head no. The question feels like a dagger aimed towards his heart, ripping open his chest and leaving him entirely exposed. His body shivers unconsciously as the grief settles in him, deep and unyielding. He lifts a hand to scrub at his eyes, smearing the tears across his face.

“Oh Felix, darling,” Eunmi reaches out to take his chin, smoothing a thumb across his cheek, “I don’t want to get your hopes up. Hell, I’m scared to get my hopes up as well. We’ve both been alone for far too long. I think maybe it’s time for you to call your father.”

“Okay,” Felix sniffles.

“Okay,” Eunmi repeats with a smile.

She stands unsteadily, holding out a hand for Felix to hoist himself to his feet. They cross the bridge together, Felix still sniffling and rubbing at his eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie. Eunmi doesn’t comment, just silently rubbing a frail hand across Felix’s back in comfort. They stop as they reach the entrance to the park, and when Eunmi turns to face him, Felix notices similar red rings surrounding her eyes. 

“I think it’s best that you head to bed. It’s been a long day for you, dear.” Eunmi comments kindly.

They say their goodbyes, and Felix heads back to  Halmeoni’s home as if in a trance. There are a million more things to consider, enough for Felix to be up all night worrying, but the late hour has finally hit him and he feels dizzy with exhaustion. He crawls into the futon sluggishly, nodding off the second his head hits the pillow. As he drifts, Felix can’t help but think he’s getting much more than he bargained for when deciding to do a student exchange program. 

→

As it turns out, Felix doesn’t get another opportunity to speak with Eunmi before he has to return to Seoul. The week passes in a colorful blur of good food, historic customs, and family cheer. Felix loves Chuseok, feeling at home with the Yang’s traditional celebrations. He likes being able to experience this preview of a culture he never had. Even experiencing everything for the first time, it feels like home, and the Yang’s friendly inclusion helps Felix feel comfortable. 

The day that they leave, Eunmi joins Halmeoni to send them off at the train stop. She slips Felix a piece of paper with her phone number and address, making him promise that he’ll call whenever he can. He’s mortified to feel his eyes tear up as she wraps him in a parting hug, ignoring Jeongin’s questioning look from across the platform. She smells like pine and old wool sweaters, and Felix doesn’t want to let go. Once they’ve boarded, and Jeongin is preoccupied with rushing through all the homework he had procrastinated until the last day of break, Felix finally has a moment to think.

He runs his thumb across the creased paper, grazing over the inked digits of Eunmi’s phone number. The absurdity of the situation all hits Felix at once, and his breath abruptly rushes from his chest. With the bustle of Chuseok celebrations, Felix hadn’t had a single moment to consider what Eunmi had told him. Now Felix is suddenly and profoundly alone with his thoughts, and he can’t stop the panic that strikes through him. His fingers tighten on the plastic armrests of his seat with anxiety. There’s so much to think about that Felix’s mind is already moving a mile a minute, and he has no idea how to organize his thoughts. It feels so ridiculous, but so, so real at the same time. It’s like someone has flipped an hourglass, and his head is slowly filling with sand, clogging up every corner of his mind. His head is pounding, and the scenic view out the windows is becoming increasingly fuzzy. How does he even start to process this? It all feels so hugely overwhelming.

Felix still hasn’t called his dad.

He recognizes the familiar signs of anxiety setting in, his hands trembling and breathing rattling in his chest. He curls up against the window, hoping that Jeongin won’t notice the way that the color has drained from his face. He can’t stop thinking about the way that his father’s voice had trembled the night Felix left. Could it really have been like Eunmi had said? His father had never outright lied about their history, but Felix recognizes that the bitter tremble in his chest is because he feels deceived. 

It’s a jarring sensation, like he’s back at the beaches in Australia, wading into the deep water. The ocean currents whip around him, pulling his limp body further and further away from shore. Waves are crashing over him, pulling his head underwater as salty sea water rushes into his lungs. He tries to struggle to the surface, but every time he takes a spluttering breath, he’s tossed further into the freezing depths. He’s trying so hard to stay afloat, flailing the best he can although his limbs have begun to numb, but the tides won’t falter, and Felix knows he can’t hold on for much longer. 

He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to focus on the rattling of the train car along the tracks instead of the turmoil in his head. The fragile piece of paper in his hands is like an anchor, and Felix clings to it, lets it ground him. Felix can’t stop wondering,  _ How do I fix this? _

Monday passes in a blur, Felix still too stunned to process anything besides that night. He can’t pay attention when it seems like his whole world has been flipped on its head and there’s so much on the line. Although it feels like he’s already up in the clouds, being with his friends again is a nice tether. Jisung is cheerful and loud as always, and Hyunjin is on a mission to see how many times he can get Seungmin’s face to flush with his relentless flirting. Felix loves just being with them, feeling the way they all fit together. 

During lunch Felix pushes his side dishes around on his cafeteria tray, watching his friends roughhouse and tease each other. After the stress of the past week, he doesn’t quite feel energetic enough to join them, but he enjoys watching them goof around anyways. Felix could barely sleep last night, plagued by incessant overthinking, so he’s about to steal Jeongin’s shoulder for a quick nap when he sees some commotion out of the corner of his eye. 

Bang Chan is racing across the cafeteria, laptop secured under his arm and eyebrows furrowed in determination. Felix watches in horror as he weaves around clumps of students, almost bumping into a couple overflowing lunch trays. He skids to a stop at their table, slamming his laptop down on the metal surface and making all five of them jump in their seats. He’s panting with exhaustion, cheeks flushed an alarming red, but face bright with exhilaration. Seungmin opens his mouth to speak, but Chan holds up a finger to silence him, still wheezing. 

“It’s… done…” Chan huffs, a blinding grin stretching his cheeks. 

The five of them share questioning looks, slightly worried by Chan’s frazzled appearance.

“What’s done?” Jisung asks, cheeks full of rice. 

There’s an excited gleam in Chan’s eyes as he smiles secretively at the boys. “The mixtape. It’s finished.” 

→

After collecting Minho and Changbin, and the eight of them congregate on the 6th floor, seated at the familiar rickety desks as Chan stands proudly at the head of the classroom. Felix is happy to see the 3rd year so thrilled, hands clasped together in anticipation.  He still has faint purple shadows underneath his eyes, but Felix notices that a lot of the tension has left his face, and his shoulders seem to stand higher without so much stress. 

“I put the finishing touches on it last night, but I already had it set up to publish today. Our stuff is gonna be on Youtube, Melon, Spotify, Kakao Music, you name it!” Chan enthuses, pacing back and forth with excitement. 

“What- no, you’re kidding right?” Jeongin shoots up straight in his seat.

“Nope, it’s seriously happening,” Chan says with a wolfish grin, “And it’s not just 3racha anymore- we’ve got Changbin on rap, Jisung and I on rap and vocals. Felix- we’ve got your parts, you’re on rap as well. Jeongin and Seungmin, you two are our vocalists. I even got Hyunjin and MInho to come in over the break to record some bits of the verses.”

Chan slams his hands down on the teacher’s desk in front of him, leaning over to gaze eagerly at the boys. “Guys- this is  _ our _ music. We did this together, all of us. There are people out there who are going to be listening to what we made.” 

Everyone is silent for a moment, processing what Chan just said. The air is tense with anxiety, excitement, and everything in between. They’re going to publish their music. People are going to listen to it. People are going to be listening to what Felix made. 

Felix feels his stomach drop, and he can’t help but blurt out, “What if they don’t like it?”

“Our soundcloud fans have been hyped about this for ages. And I’ve been posting teasers of the songs for weeks now which have been going crazy. Trust me- people are gonna love this,” Chan reassures him.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Seungmin confesses, slumping over his desk. 

Hyunjin clamours to his feet, face slack with fear. “Oh god- what if they do like it!?” 

His chair clatters in the cracked linoleum, and everyone winces at the apprupt sound. 

“Little late for that, buddy,” Jisung snickers, giving Hyunjin a swift pat on the back. 

Minho kicks his legs up onto his desk, rolling his eyes. “Ugh, seriously you guys. It’s not a big deal, stop freaking out.” 

“Um- what he said. But nicer!” Chan agrees, holding up his hands placatingly, “I know you guys are ready for this, we’ve been preparing for weeks. Let’s all take a sec to chill out, maybe take some deep breaths? I have everything setup to publish the mixtape wherever we’re ready.”

It takes a couple minutes for Chan to get everyone to stop screaming, but soon enough the eight of them are huddled around his laptop, eyes glued to the screen. Nobody dares to move, scared that they might disturb the fragile silence. Felix is holding his breath as they all zero in on Chan’s computer mouse hovering over the “Publish” button. 

It’s surreal to think that after spending hours trying to write lyrics, hours trying to put his feelings down on paper, it’s finally time to brave them to the world. Felix could have never expected that coming to Korea would result in this giant group of friends or their music together. It’s bizarre, and honestly pretty terrifying as well, but Felix wouldn’t take it back for a single moment. He’s filled with fear as he stares down at the pixelated screen, but it doesn’t feel so all-consuming as he stands shoulder to shoulder with his friends. He knows he needs to do this. He’s ready. 

Chan’s sniffles break the silence, as he turns over his shoulder to face the others. “Before I click publish, I just want to tell you guys, you all mean so much to-”

“Just press the goddamn button,” Changbin interrupts, flicking Chan in the forehead. 

“Right- okay,” The third year replies, slamming his finger down on the keypad. 

The page refreshes, finally displaying a confirmation. Their mixtape is published. Felix is startled when Jisung lets out a loud cheer next to him. A laugh bubbles out of him in disbelief, before Jeongin follows, letting out a hollar of celebration. Chan’s face splits with a smile, and he scrambles out of his seat beginning to cheer as well. Soon the eight of them are jumping up and down, arms slung over shoulders, and chests shaking with giggles. Felix lets out a hollar of celebration as well, feeling relief rush into his lungs where air has left it. Felix’s cheeks ache from the force of his smile, and his stomach is sore from laughing so hard, but there’s a strange sensation of freedom that makes him feel like if he jumped from the ground he would fly. The boys are falling all over each other panting from trying to cheer through their contagious giggles. Even Minho is participating, arm slung over Jisung’s shoulders, and head thrown back in laughter. Felix gazes across their huddle, and makes eye contact with Changbin whose face is stretched in a grin. His smile falters for a second, before he beams again, reaching across the ruffle Felix’s hair. Felix freezes, the weight of Changbin’s hand on his head making his cheeks abruptly flush. Before he can react, however, Hyunjin has slung an arm over his shoulder and tugged him back into the celebration. 

After a couple minutes they run out of stamina, and Chan pushes the desks aside so that they can collapse on the cool floor in exhaustion. Felix’s body is still shaking with giggles as he sprawls out, staring at the plaster cracking from the classroom ceiling. His hair slips from his forehead, and the cool breeze that flutters through the window cools the sweat on his brow. The classroom is jarringly silent compared to their cries from a moment before, but noisy with the sound of eight boys panting from fatigue. 

“There’s no way in hell… that nobody heard that,” Jisung manages, sending them all into another round of giggles. 

“I hope you’ll all remember me when I’m expelled!” Chan wheezes through his laughter.

They lay for a moment longer, giggling through their heavy breathing. Felix closes his eyes, letting the soft winter wind dance over his sprawled form. He feels calm in a way that he definitely hasn’t since his conversation with Eunmi. It’s nice, having a moment without the stress, the intrusive thoughts, the anxiety.

Hyunjin heaves himself to his feet, holding out a hand to help Seungmin up as well. “Alright, well, class starts in like ten minutes or something so we should get going,”

Felix nods, scrambling up alongside the others, and brushing the grime off his previously clean uniform. The eight of them pack up their backpacks, heading for the door, before Felix feels his phone begin to buzz from inside his backpack.

“You guys go ahead,” He comments, stopping to dig through the bag, “I’ve probably got to take this.”

As the others leave, Felix sets his backpack down on a desk, finally digging his cell phone out from the very depths of some crumpled precalc homework. When he checks the caller ID, Felix feels the relief dain out of him, replaced with dread instead. This is what he really, really didn’t want to happen. He’s definitely not prepared. In fact, he’s sort of terrified. 

The bright screen blinks back at him relentlessly.  **Incoming Call: Dad**

Felix is struck with the startling realization that he doesn’t want to pick up the phone. If he answers the call he’ll either have to lie and pretend like nothing happened, or ask honestly about his mother, and Felix isn’t quite ready to do either. His hand moves before he realizes what he’s doing, pressing the ‘decline call’ button on impulse. It sends a rush of adrenaline through him so sudden that it makes him drop his phone, the plastic case clattering on the wooden surface of the desk. 

Felix’s first impulse is horror, fully prepared to call back his dad and claim the hangup was the culprit of spotty wifi or clumsy fingers. Then… he doesn’t. He stares at his phone on the desk, screen slowly dimming with inactivity.  _ I don’t need to call him back,  _ Felix realizes slowly,  _ I don’t need to do anything.  _

The phone screen turns black. Felix doesn’t move. 

This small, bizarre rebellion is probably insignificant, but Felix feels his shoulders slump with relief. He snatches his phone from the desk, shoving it deep into a random pocket of his backpack. Somehow, it feels profound, whatever this realization is. Felix can do whatever he wants- his father can’t force him to pick up a phone call from all the way in Australia. 

Suddenly Felix is startled from his thoughts by a voice from across the classroom. “Felix?”

He spins around to see Changbin leaning awkwardly against the doorframe, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his uniform slacks. Felix is so used to his guarded expressions that he’s surprised to see Changbin’s face so relaxed and open. 

“Changbin-ah? What are you doing here?” Felix questions. 

Changbin smiles stiffly, crossing the classroom to stand in front of Felix. “I wanted to stay behind, make sure you’re okay.”

“Really?” Felix raises his eyebrows skeptically.

The other boy scoffs, plopping down at a nearby desk and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Is that so hard to believe?” Changbin replies teasingly. 

Felix feels a flush spread over his cheeks looking at the mischievous smile on Changbin’s face. He looks startling handsome, with his dark, messy hair and deep eyes creased with amusement. Felix averts his eyes, running a hand through his hair nervously. “Would you blame me for saying yes?” 

“Ah- probably not,” Changbin agrees, gazing up at Felix. 

Changbin is silent for a moment, and Felix lets out a shaky breath. He presses the back of a hand to his cheek, cooling the flushed skin. How is it that he still gets so nervous around Changbin after all this time? Felix sneaks another peak at Changbin, to see him biting his bottom lip, holding back laughter. 

“What- what are you laughing at? What’s so funny?” Felix splutters angrily. 

Changbin lets his laughter bubble out of him, shoulders shaking with the force of his giggles. Felix has never seen him express so much emotion like this, so genuine, so organic. He leans forward, eyes wide.

“Seriously? What is it?”

Changbin grins at Felix slyly. “Your face is so red. Are you really that flustered?”

“No!” Felix blurts, clapping his hands over his cheeks, “What? No, of course not!”

He sends Felix a skeptical look, face open and teasing. 

“Hey- you were the one who was so flustered last time! I’m not nearly as bad as you and your- your ears!” Felix argues. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Changbin claims, expression comically innocent. 

He tsks, shaking his head fondly. “You’re ridiculous.”

“C’mon,” Changbin drawls, “You can’t prove it,” 

Felix starts, cheeks abruptly flooding with warmth. If he thought he was blushing earlier, it’s nothing compared to the heat that’s now radiating off his cheeks and creeping down his neck. Felix feels his stomach toss with nerves, and he’s modified to realize that his face must be a bright, flaming red. Changbin probably didn’t mean to imply anything by the comment, but Felix can’t help where his mind immediately flies. It’s Changbin’s fault that his cocky smirk is so infuriating! It would be so easy to prove it if Felix wanted. All he’d have to do is lean forward and- Felix can’t let himself think that far. 

Except- what’s stopping him? Felix wants to pretend that kissing Changbin would ruin everything. He wants to bury himself in excuses, block out reality with pretty lies. Despite this, even deeper, Felix wants to be honest. He likes Changbin. He likes him in the holding hands, pressing lips, whispering confessions kind of way. Even further, he’s pretty sure Changbin might like him as well. 

Felix’s mantra from earlier when he refused to pick up the phone circles around in his head. As he gazes down at Changbin’s smiling face, all angular features contrasted against warm eyes, Felix makes a decision. He can do whatever the hell he wants. 

In one smooth motion, Felix swoops down, bracing his hands on the desk in front of him and pressing their lips together. They’re both frozen for a second with shock, and the world seems to quiet around them. It’s a terrifying moment before Changbin’s shoulders slump and he leans more firmly into the kiss. Their noses bump for a moment, and Felix finds himself lost in the intoxicating scent of the other boy’s cologne. Changbin’s lips are soft and pliant against his, and Felix can’t help the way that he melts into the warmth of Changbin’s mouth. A cool breeze floats through the window, ruffling the boy’s bangs, and Felix feels himself unconsciously smile into the kiss, giddy excitement swirling in his stomach.

He pulls away after only a moment, leaving their kiss short and chaste. Changbin chases him as he leans away, attempting to nudge their mouths together once again, hot breath fanning over Felix’s lips. It’s so painful to take a reluctant step away from Changbin’s desk, putting distance between them.

“Well- I, I sure showed you…” Felix stutters absently, breath coming out short and choppy.

Changbin stares back at him in shock, eyes wide with disbelief, and ears stained a bright red. His mouth opens and closes a couple times, split-slick lips too stunned to form a single sentence. Felix would laugh at the expression on his face, if he wasn’t so sure that his own must be so much worse. He claps his hands over his cheeks once again, attempting to hide the telling redness. 

“Um I think class is happening, like, right now,” Felix blurts, grabbing his backpack from the ground and clutching it to his chest, “so, uh, I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

He spins around, darting towards the classroom door, and slamming it open with so much force that it sends a plume of dust billowing through the air. He’s about to dash to the stairwell when he hears an amused voice behind him.

“Yeah… later.”

Changbin, the absolute dick, is smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo I thought I had been real subtle about the whole felix's grandma being eunmi plotline because nobody mentioned it in the comments for like the first day, but then of course somebody inevitably figured it out, and I ended up rereading the chapter to realize I had been about as subtle as a freight train. I'm okay with it tho!! this story is cheesy as hell but I'd like to think that's part of the charm. this whole chapter was so stressful to write though, I swear I scrapped the kiss scene like five times. I've only ever kissed one person and it wasn't even that pleasant, so figuring out how to make this an enjoyable reading experience was a little difficult. I guess you guys can tell me how I did though!
> 
> I've also decided I'm actually gonna try to make kpop friends so I'm gonna make my twitter cute and not just exclusively retweet album giveaways. anyways, if you wanna follow me it's @anginthebuildin let's be mutuals!! and as always, I love reading comments with all my heart, so I'd love to hear what you guys think. I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I'll see y'all next time!


	12. Chapter 12

Felix loves the Yangs’ apartment. He loves the soft afternoon light that spills through the large windows, the comfortable minimalist design- it’s probably one of his favorite places in Seoul. That being said, Han Jisung’s bedroom is a close second.

It's definitely just because Mrs. Han let Jisung set up a new gaming rig last weekend, fit with both Mario Kart and Smash Bros, but hey- Felix is easily pleased. He’s really missed his hobby gaming since coming to Korea. Between spending half his time studying, and being way too anxious to frequent internet cafés, Felix hasn’t had many opportunities. Of course it’s super nice to have actual friends to hang out with instead of spending hours glued to the tv with a PS4 controller in hand, but Felix still really missed it. This kind of stuff you just can’t replace. Even though it’s been a while, Felix is happy to notice his skills are as sharp as ever as he obliterates Seungmin for the third time in a row. 

“C’mon Lixie, couldn’t you just pretend to let me win  _ once _ ?” Seungmin whines, dropping the controller with a huff. 

“I’m trying,” Felix teases, “It’s your fault if you can’t win even when I’m letting you,”

Seungmin’s jaw drops in offense. “Aish! You-”

“Play nice, boys.” Jisung interrupts, plucking the other controller from Felix’s hand. 

Felix turns to glare at Jisung, who has continued to spin idly in his desk chair, busying himself with chomping down on a king size Hershey’s bar. He notices Felix’s withering stare after a moment, and raises a judgemental brow. “What? My setup is precious, if you guys mess it up eomma’s gonna make me do the dishes for a week.”

“Whatever. Aren’t you still behind on like five assignments?” Seungmin replies testily.

Jisung leans forward until he’s face to face with Seungmin, face solemn. “What eomma doesn’t know won’t hurt her,”

“You’re gonna give that poor woman a heart attack one of these days,” Seungmin argues.

Before Jisung can protest, Seungmin’s leaned forward to deftly snatch the controller from Jisung’s hands. Jisung lets out an affronted cry, dropping his chocolate bar and leaving a dark streak down the front of his sweatshirt. 

Felix laughs, picking up the other controller and navigating back to the game menu. “Best out of five?”

“More like best out of 50. And Minnie would still lose every game,” Jisung mumbles, wiping at his chocolate smear with a pout. 

“You’re on thin ice Han Jisung,” Seungmin glares. 

Felix giggles, leaning back against the side of Jisung’s bed. Admittedly, it’s been really nice to have a break. Of course the eight of them spend tons of time hanging out together on the 6th floor, but working on music carries its own sort of stress. Felix hasn’t quite gotten used to it yet, but he’s happy to have a break now that the mixtape’s published. Now he has time to play videogames with his friends, eat cup ramyeon at the corner store together, and sometimes... text with Changbin. Felix feels his face split with an unconscious grin. It’s definitely nice to have a break. 

“Guys,” Hyunjin drawls from where he’s sprawled across Jisung’s bed, “Have you checked the comments lately?”

“Comments?” Felix wonders, looking up from the TV.

Hyunjin smirks from over his phone screen. “Yeah, like on our mixtape? People are seriously freaking out over it, this is kind of insane.”

“People?” Jisung burts.

“Freaking out?” Seungmin wonders. 

“Insane?” Felix squeaks, his stomach turning over abruptly with anxiety. 

“Wait, none of you guys have checked our streams?” Hyunjin asks, raising a questioning eyebrow. 

“No, of course not!” Jisung cries, “People are listening to our music?”

Hyunjin sighs, sitting up warily. “What did you think? 3racha already had a pretty big fan base, but you guys- what? Assumed that nobody would care?” 

“Assumed? More like hoped!” Seungmin cries, clutching the game controller to his chest. 

Felix gulps, already feeling the familiar tightening of his throat. He had never considered the possibility of their music actually being  _ successful.  _ The whole thing- the lyrics, the rapping, the mixtape- he never actually expected it to go anywhere. Of course Chan had mentioned that there were people excited to hear their work, but Felix hadn’t expected anything big to come out of it. He worries his bottom lip between his teeth, stomach churning. Hyunjin, oblivious to Felix’s inner turmoil, just rolls his eyes, flopping back down on the checkered comforter. 

“Hold up-” Felix blurts, “How are you so chill about this? Literally last week you were freaking out as much as the rest of us!”

Hyunjin sends him a smug smile. “That’s until I got like a thousand compliments in the comments. Did you know my eyes are dreamy?”

Jisung yelps, jerking from his chair. The half eaten chocolate bar falls from his grasp, now leaving a smear across the fabric of his jeans. Felix feels his eyes widen, and his hands fly to the floor, grasp tightening anxiously on the carpet fibers.  _ What does Hyunjin mean? A thousand comments? Surely there’s no way. _

“Everyone knows your eyes are dreamy!” Seungmin cries, “what do you mean a thousand comments?”

“Oh, there’s a lot more than that. You guys should come see,” Hyunjin smirks, enjoying his friends’ wide-eyed expressions of panic. 

The three boys scramble across the room, huddling around Hyunjin’s phone screen anxiously. Felix lets out a shaky exhale, trying to center himself with the solid presence of Jisung and Seungmin’s shoulders aside his own. The air is tight with anticipation as they watch Hyunjin open the youtube app and navigate to their channel. 

“A hundred thousand subscribers?” Jisung gulps, voice coming out strangled and squeaky. 

“Mhm,” Hyunjin grins, “And you wouldn’t believe how many views we have on the lyric videos.”

Felix feels his breath abruptly leave his chest, not able to tear his eyes away from the numbers on the screen. 100,000 subscribers? Felix doesn’t know if he’s even met 1,000 people in his life, much less 100 times that! It all feels like some kind of practical joke, but Hyunjin’s pixelated screen doesn’t lie. People actually like their music. No, scratch that- they love it. Hellevator has hundreds of thousands of views, and more likes than Felix could have ever hoped for.

_ Is this real life? We have streams? We have  _ fans _? There are people out there who actually like what we’ve made?  _ Felix thinks, bewildered. 

Felix’s absently aware of Seungmin hyperventilating next to him, and he impulsively reaches out to clasp his friend's shoulder comfortingly. He takes a deep breath, and reaches out to clasp Jisung’s shoulder as well for good measure. He hopes neither of them notice how his grasp has twisted the worn cotton fabric of their t-shirts. 

“The comments?” Felix questions, trying his best to keep his voice steady.

“Oh yeah! These are amazing. They’re all talking about the ‘hot, long-haired blonde boy.’ I wonder who that is…” Hyunjin drawls happily. 

Jisung gives him a withering glare. “Do the comments say anything about me taking your phone and shoving-”

“There’s plenty of others!” Hyujin interrupts with a squeak, shoving the phone hastily in their faces. “Look at these!” 

Felix scans the comments, mind racing a mile a minute. He barely comprehends what he’s reading, too stunned by the sheer volume of text in front of him. 

“‘ _ Omg the vocalist with the dimples is so cute! I can’t wait to hear more of his voice, fighting! _ ’” Seungmin reads.

He turns to the group, eyes wide. “They’re talking about Jeonginnie, right? That’s so cool!”

Jisung’s face lights up with a grin. “This is awesome! Look at this one! ‘ _ That rapper is such a good singer as well, he looks like a squirrel keke-’  _ wait what are they talking about?” __

The other three burst out laughing at Jisung’s stunned expression. Felix falls over onto the bed, clutching his stomach as he shakes with giggles. The others join him, rolling around on the crinkled comforter. Felix can’t stop grinning, chest feeling light with elation. Suddenly everything doesn’t feel so terrifying anymore. Staring up at the plastic stars stuck on Jisung’s ceiling, shoulder to shoulder with his friends, Fleix realizes that the fluttering in his stomach is excitement. 

“Felix! This one’s in English, read this one!” Hyunjin demands, shoving the phone in his face.

Felix scans the comment, pausing for a moment before he can translate. “‘ _ These boys are so talented! Y’all have earned yourself another fan, Love from the US!’”  _ Felix pauses to stare dumbfounded at his friends. “We have international fans?”

“This is crazy…” Seungmin murmurs as Jisung shrieks with excitement next to him.

They’re all stunned silent for a moment, watching Hyunjin continue to scroll through the sea of comments. They’re overwhelmingly compliments, and Felix feels some of the anxiety drain out of him at such a positive response. He’s always loved listening to the music that Chan produces, but he couldn’t help but worry that everyone might hate their work for some reason. Felix never could have anticipated that people would like their work  _ this  _ much, but he’s truly relieved. 

“Hey guys, look at this one!” Hyujin giggles, “‘ _ The sexual tension between that hot dancer and the squirrel kid-’”  _

Jisung sits up abruptly, snatching a pillow from the head of the bed to shove it over Hyunjin’s unsuspecting face. The blonde boy wheezes as Jisung presses his face more firmly into the mattress. 

“We don’t need to read every single one of these, haha, right guys?”

Felix and Seungmin nod mutely. 

Jisung lets Hyunjin up slowly with a warning glare, and the four of them go back to browsing their phones. Felix feels perpetually stunned as he scrolls through page after page of comments. It’s everything he had dreamed about and dreaded at the same time, all coming to fruition on the glowing screen in front of him. 

“Do you guys think Jeongin’s seen these?” Seungmin asks the group, eyes still glued to his phone.

“Unlikely,” Felix frowns, “He’s got an english essay due in a couple days that he had a month to work on, but he procrastinated starting until last night. Mrs. Yang was so angry when she found out that I thought she was gonna burst a blood vessel.” 

“Well the essay’s gonna have to wait. Chan says he’s got big news!” Jisung beams, waving his phone in the air. 

“More news? I feel like I’ve gotten enough big news today for an entire week,” Felix comments warily. 

Hyunjin sends him a smug grin. “How much do you wanna bet it’s only gonna get worse?”

Felix watches his friends clamor to their feet, slinging backpacks over shoulders and shoving caps over ruffled hair. Jisung holds out a hand, and Felix lets his friend haul him to his feet. More big news does sound a little scary, but Felix is startled to realize he’s ready. 

→

“You finished the essay, right?”

“Nope,” Jeongin replies casually, busying himself with shifting through a bag of potato chips. 

Felix sighs, resting his head on his fist. “Okay, why not?”

The six of them are gathered together in the 6th floor classroom, sans Changbin who hasn’t arrived yet and Chan who apparently has some setting up to do before their ‘big news.’ Felix nudges Jeongin’s foot with his own, making the younger boy look up from his chips. 

Jeongin sends him a smug look. “Hyung, we’re gonna be rockstars. Rockstars don’t need to write english essays.”

“Oh my god, this is your fault. Are you the one corrupting my innocent foster brother?” Felix gasps, turning to face Jisung. 

“Of course not!” Jisung argues, eyes wide and innocent, “I’m not corrupting him! He just needs to know that everyone loves our music now, so we’re gonna be rich and famous! If he comes to the conclusion that rich and famous people don’t need to do english homework, that’s on him.”

Felix groans, running a hand across his face in exasperation. “You’re such a bad influence…”

“Relax, Jeongin’s just going through a teenage rebellion right now. It’s natural!” Hyunjin pipes in. 

“This isn’t a teenage rebellion! Stop talking about me like I’m not here!” Jeongin cries, eyebrows furrowing in frustration. 

Hyunjin nods placatingly, throwing Jeongin a thumbs up. He leans towards Felix a moment later, whispering conspiratorially, “Aggression is a common symptom of puberty. He’s definitely going through a teenage rebellion.” 

The door to the classroom slams open, and Chan bustles in, face bright with excitement. He’s clutching his laptop to his chest, shifting from foot to foot animatedly in a way that has Felix immediately suspicious. 

“Finally you’re here,” Minho calls from a nearby desk, “What’s this big announcement about?”

Chan plops down on a rickety chair, looking awfully pleased. “All in time, dear Minho. Changbin hasn’t arrived yet.”

“Ugh, why do we have to wait for Changbin? All he does is sit around and grumble at everything,” Hyunjin groans.

Seungmin, who has Hyunjin’s head resting on his lap to comb through his hair, gives a sharp tug to a couple strands with a warning look. Felix giggles at the outraged expression on his friend’s face.

Minho leans back in his chair, throwing his legs up on the desk. “Cut Changbinnie some slack. He’s usually pretty chill, he just gets nervous around Fel-” 

“Ooooh, Changbin’s not gonna be happy you said that,” Jisung interrupts hastily. 

“I don’t care,” Minho replies flatly, “What’s he gonna do? Write me a diss track? I’m not afraid of him.” 

Felix huffs out a laugh, turning to gaze out the window. There’s frost crusting on the edges of the window plane, forming spirals across the grimy glass surface. It’s a beautiful day out, the cool winter sun illuminating the classroom with a soft sunny glow. 

The door swings open once again, and this time Felix looks up to see Changbin standing in the doorway. The dark haired boy is wearing his signature combat boots, and a black canvas jacket that Felix hasn’t seen before. He looks good.

Felix swallows nervously, quickly avoiding Changbin’s eyes. He doesn’t want to make eye contact, just in case something in his eyes reveals how many hours he’s spent thinking about Changbin, thinking about the kiss. Felix’s cheeks are already warming, and he reaches up a hands to rub at the warm surface. 

“Felix.” Changbin’s face is unreadable, but Felix jumps in his seat at the determined furrow of the other boy’s brow. 

“Yes?” He squeaks, eyes widening.

Changbin nods towards the recording closet door. “Follow me.”

Felix stares blankly at Changbin, frozen in place. He’s too shocked to move until Jisung leans over, viciously jabbing a sharp elbow into Felix’s side. Felix yelps, spinning around, to see Jisung giving him a purposeful stare. Minho sighs somewhere to Felix’s left, and reaches over to grab his collar and tug him closer. The chairs scrape on the cracked linoleum, making Felix wince. 

“Follow him, dumbass,” Minho hisses.

“Right! Okay!” Felix yelps, scrambling from his seat. 

He rushes over to Changbin, who only sends another nod in the direction of the recording closet. As Felix approaches the door, pale green paint peeling off the sturdy wooden surface, he starts to worry that maybe he’s made a grave mistake. He hasn’t spoken to Changbin since the last time they were in the 6th floor classroom together, meaning hasn’t spoken to him since the kiss. Felix had been mortified afterwards, but he hadn’t necessarily regretted it. It was a really, really nice kiss, and Felix had just sort of assumed that Changbin had enjoyed it as well. He hadn’t stopped to consider if Changbin might be having regrets, or even worse, if he could be  _ angry  _ at Felix. Now, Changbin’s solemn expression is making him reconsider. 

Of course after spending so many weeks together, Felix isn’t quite so worried that Changbin might be a crazy teenage axe murderer. That ship had pretty much sailed after he watched Chan force him to do aegyo to get a SPEARB feature on one of their tracks. Still, Changbin’s expression is slightly intimidating as he closes the heavy door behind them. 

The recording closet is about as tiny as one would think. There isn’t much room to walk around considering the floor is cluttered with mic stands, cardboard boxes full of cables, and leftover clutter from when the classroom held students. To make matters worse, the walls are covered in thick foam padding that Chan had taped up sometime last year in an attempt to make it soundproof. It’s cramped, dusty, and cluttered, but for 3racha’s recording purposes it does the trick. 

Changbin spins to face Felix, who’s standing awkwardly in the center of the room, wringing his hands with anxiety. Changbin takes a step forward, and Felix stumbles backwards, almost tripping over a stray broomstick. The puffy walls feel like they’re closing in, and Felix’s stomach turns over with nerves. Changbin approaches even closer, and Felix finds himself mirroring his steps backwards until Changbin’s got him cornered against the back wall. He presses himself more firmly against the foam padding, trying to make more distance between him and Changbin’s broad figure. It feels like the whole world is holding its breath for a second as Changbin raises his arm to rest an elbow on the wall next to Felix’s head, bringing them impossibly closer. Felix can almost feel the warmth of Changbin’s breath on his face. 

His voice is low when he finally speaks. “You didn’t call me.”

Felix’s head shoots up to meet Changbin’s gaze, gaping in disbelief “ _ You _ didn’t call  _ me _ !” 

“Yeah, well, last time you didn’t have any issue taking certain other liberties that I wasn’t expecting.” Changbin scoffs, leaning closer. 

Felix opens his mouth to protest, but no sound comes out, his mind abruptly blank. His cheeks feel red hot- no, everything feels hot, especially with Changbin’s face mere inches away. It’s hard to ignore the position they’re in right now, the way that Changbin’s nearly got him pressed against the wall. If one of their friends walked in right now, what would they think? Felix is dizzy from the proximity, and he can’t help but blurt out the first thing that comes into his mind. 

“Are you kabedon-ing me right now?”

“What?” Changbin’s eyes widen in shock, quickly surveying their current position, “No- what- I didn’t-”

He makes to lean away, and Felix immediately feels his stomach drop at the lack of warmth. Before he can help it, he’s reaching forward, winding his arms around Changbin’s neck, and tugging the other boy close again. Changbin stumbles forward, suddenly pressed much closer than before in Felix’s grasp. He stares down at Felix in shock, ears slowly burning a bright red. Felix has to crane his head up to meet Changbin’s eyes, and he’s shocked to see the other boy’s expression so open.  _ Without those boots, I bet I’m taller, _ Felix realizes absently, stomach turning over with nerves. The air between them feels tense and loaded, and it’s almost like nothing exists in that moment for Felix besides the warmth of Changbin’s chest against his. He doesn’t have a way to justify this, an excuse as to why he’s got his arms locked firmly around Changbin’s neck, so he just looks away hastily, cheeks burning with shame. 

“I didn’t say… I didn’t say you have to stop…” Felix sutters, cursing himself with every word.

Why does he sound so stupid? If Changbin didn’t think he’s a basket case before, he definitely does now. Why does Felix always have to mess everything up?

He chances a glance up at Changbin face through his lashes, only to see the other boy’s expression has darkened. His chest rises and falls heavily with his breath, and despite his shame, Felix feels himself swallow down a rush of excitement. There’s a tense moment where they’re both silent, and the atmosphere heavy with anxiety, fear, and things unsaid. Felix fingers twitch against the back of Changbin’s neck, and the moment breaks. 

There’s sudden warmth against his lips as Changbin sweeps forward, ducking down to press their mouths together. Felix squeaks, melting into warmth, and wrapping his arms more firmly around the back of Changbin’s neck. It feels like there's a flurry of butterflies in his stomach as Changbin crowds him more firmly against the wall, lips sliding together hot and wet. Changbin’s hands slide down to grasp Felix’s waist, his broad digits spanning Felix’s sides. Felix arches into the hold, and the sensation of Changbin’s solid figure pressed against his ignites a lick of heat in his belly. He slides his hands up the nape of Changbin’s neck, running them through his soft, dark hair. Changbin vocalizes a soft noise into the kiss, angling his head closer in a way that makes Felix’s knees weak. 

Changbin’s grasp on his waist is tender but firm, a sharp contrast from the almost frantic way he’s sliding their lips together. Felix feels like he’s melting- dissolving from the inside out- as Changbin presses their mouths together again and again, slick and hot and sweet. Felix has never been kissed before, especially not like this, not like somebody is trying to devour him whole. His knees tremble again, and Changbin presses forward, sliding a thigh between both of Felix's legs to prop him up against the wall. 

He doesn’t notice he’s out of breath until Changbin breaks the kiss, leaving him gasping for air. Changbin’s lips are roughed red, almost obscenely slick and swollen. He gazes at Felix in awe, before swooping down again to press his lips firmly against Felix’s neck. The sudden warmth makes Felix yelp, and he’s torn between shying away from or melting into the sensation. He tightens his grip around Changbin’s neck, his breath quickening at the firm press of Changbin’s chest against his. Felix is about to let out a truly embarrassing noise when the door slams open, making them both jump in shock. 

“Chan made me check on you guys to make sure- OH MY GOD THEY’RE TOTALLY FUCKING!” Jisung screeches, clapping his hands over his eyes in shock.

“Shut up,” Changbin hisses frantically, “If you want to live to see tomorrow shut up right now,”

Jisung flees the closet, already wailing dramatically about his ‘poor, poor eyes’ and ‘innocence being stolen.’

The classroom outside erupts in commotion, and Felix hears Chan’s familiar accent exclaim in english, “ _ Nooo! My little Australian little brother!”  _

“Seo Changbin, you better get your ass out here and explain this!” Minho’s voice calls warningly. 

Changbin sighs, turning back to face Felix. He reaches up slowly to cup Felix’s cheek, using his thumb to wipe clean his lower lip. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Felix breathes, lips curling unconsciously in a smile. 

He mirrors Felix’s expression shyly, a faint grin on his face, before slowly draws back to open the door. It almost looks like it pains him to pull away, and the thought sends Felix’s stomach into a flurry of butterflies once again. The two of them shuffle out into the classroom, avoiding eye contact with their friends who have suddenly gone suspiciously quiet. Felix sneaks a peak, just to see all six boys staring back at them in judgemental silence. Minho’s gaze is particularly withering, and Felix feels himself wince at the weight of the older boy’s glare. Changbin clears his throat awkwardly next to him, and Felix fidgets awkwardly with his hands. 

“Did you guys really just try to fuck in our broom closet?” Jeongin giggles through a mouth of chips, breaking the tense silence.

“Yang Jeongin! Language!” Hyunjin cries, spinning to face his friend. 

“Shut up hyung, I’m in 2nd year already,” Jeongin rolls his eyes.

“No, no, this is important,” Jisung continues testily, “why  _ were _ you two attempting to fuck in our beloved recording closet?” 

“It wasn’t intentional!” Changbin protests, throwing up his hands in innocence. 

Jisung rests his elbow on his knees, narrowing his eyes sharply. “And scarring me for life? That wasn’t intentional either?”

“Guys, this isn’t what’s important right now,” Seungmin interrupts suddenly. 

Felix turns to face Changbin, and then back at his friends again. There’s a moment of silence before he blurts, “It isn’t?”

Chan sighs, running a hand over his face with the exhaustion of a war-torn veteran. He stands up, approaching the two warily. “Believe it or not, you two christening our broom closet isn’t the most pressing news right now. We thought you guys were having like, a heart-to-heart talk in there or something, so I’ve already told the rest of the kids,”

Felix and Changbin share a bewildered look as Chan pauses before continuing, “I applied last month to SFAC to get a busking license. They just got back to us today- we’ve got a show.”

“A show?” Changbin exclaims, voice high with disbelief, “We’re actually gonna be performing our songs? For people to hear?” 

“Yup. A week from now we’re gonna be on the streets on Hongdae showing people what we’ve got.” Chan replies, grinning triumphantly.

There’s a moment of silence where nobody speaks as Changbin’s eyes widen with shock, the news finally sinking in. He turns to Felix, face petrified with disbelief, and Felix can’t help but grin back at him. Suddenly the breath is knocked out of Felix’s chest as Changbin sweeps him into a bear hug, lifting him off the ground with the power of his embrace. Their friends soon follow, hollering and cheering in excitement, stomping their feet with glee. Felix can’t help the giggle that bubbles out of him as Changbin spins them around, whooping in excitement. The blood is rushing in Felix’s ears, and his arms fly to Changbin's shoulders to clutch him closer. It feels just like a week ago, the eight of them cheering after Chan finally pressed ‘publish’ on their mixtape. It hasn't been long since then, but so much has changed. Everything still feels so surreal to Felix, it’s hard to believe this isn’t a dream. Out of all the possible outcomes, he never could anticipated thousands of subscribers and an actual show in Hongdae. He’s still not convinced he won't wake up from this unbelievable fantasy at any moment, but Felix wants to hang on a moment longer.  He tightens his grip on Changbin, burying his grin in the other boy’s neck.  _ We’re actually doing it, aren’t we? We’re running towards something. Together. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo how does everyone feel about the chapter? it is a bit late because I committed the #1 sin of writing a slow-burn fanfic which is start on another work at the same time. on the bright side though, i've written a really cute minsung oneshot, so that should be up in a week or two. I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter though! I know the makeout scene was a little bit out there, but cmon, felix deserves it. I've also noticed my writing of changbin has been a little ooc, but I'm hoping to improve on that as his character gets more comfortable around felix. 
> 
> anyways, I hope you'll leave me a comment with your thoughts! reading through them seriously means the most to me. I had a couple people contact me on twitter after the last chapter to tell me they liked it and I swear it was the sweetest thing ever. if y'all are reading this, i love uuuu <33
> 
> see you guys next chapter!


	13. Chapter 13

“So,” Chan starts, once they’ve all settled back down to their seats, “we’ll need a name,”

The seven of them share a wide-eyed look where they’re settled in a semicircle of rickedy desks. For all the work they had done writing music, recording samples, publishing demos online, etc, Felix realizes it’s true that there’s never been a name for the eight of them together. Sure there’s 3racha, but there’s always been an unspoken agreement that the name only applied to the original three. 

Hyunjin scoffs, leaning forward on his elbows. “Really? You expect the eight of us to agree on one name?”

Chan rises to his feet sheepishly, walking over to the huge chalkboard at the head of the classroom. 

“Well, not really. That’s why I’ve already decided.”

“Chan Hyunggg,” Jisung groans, tipping back his head to glare at Chan’s standing form. 

Chan picks up a piece of chalk, rolling it between his hands. “I know, I know, but I think you guys’ll like it.”

He turns, lifting a hand to wipe the thin layer of dust off the blackboard, sending a plume of soot into the air. The floor creaks as Chan leans forward, reaching to scribble across the grimly surface in bold, angular strokes. Felix tries to crane his head to peak over his older friend’s shoulder, eyes widening when he steps back to reveal the scribbled text. 

“ _Stray Kids_?” 

Changbin is the first to read out the words scrawled across the board, rolling the unfamiliar English words around in his mouth. “What does it mean?”

“Well,” Chan rubs his chalk-dirtied hands together with excitement, “ _Stray_ means sort of lost, or aimless. And _kids_ means kids- it’s all of us, and everyone who listens to our music. With this mixtape, we want to step out of the norm, we want to turn everything around, turn it upside down. Our message is kind of like, ‘To the people that want to follow us, follow us.’ A lot of people our age don’t know what they want to do with their lives, they don’t know if they’re going down the right road.”

His voice slowly gains enthusiasm as he continues, approaching the semicircle of desks with confidence. Soft clouds of chalk billow from his palms where he’s talking with his hands, settling in the stale classroom air. It makes Felix giggle, it’s so typical of Chan- whether it be chalk, or something a little less literal, he leaves an impact of himself wherever he goes. 

“Even the people that they’re living their life with, they’re not sure if they’re the people they should be with. So the story that we’re telling is for everyone who is around our age who is just questioning and figuring out their life and where they stand. I thought of, I guess, identity crisis where kids think, ‘What’s my dream? What am I going for? Who am I? That’s the message I want to convey with this mixtape. That’s the message I want Stray Kids to tell the world.”

Chan finishes with a huff, chest rising and falling with anxiety. The group is silent for a moment as they consider the words of their leader, letting the new title sink in. Felix cocks his head to the side, considering. Stray Kids doesn’t feel too unfamiliar, or too wordy. He wouldn’t mind the eight of them being known by that name.

“I like it,” Changbin states, leaning back in his seat decisively, “The story that we’re telling is for everyone who is around our age who is just questioning and figuring out their life. Stray Kids fits our message.”

Chan sends him a grateful smile, turning his questioning gaze to the rest of the group.

Jisung leans forward in his desk, grinning teasingly. “Well if it’s already got two-thirds 3racha approval, then I’ve got to agree. It sounds good Hyung, I’m in.”

“Me too,” Minho injects, “and I’ve been here longer than any of these other brats, so I’d hope my vote is weighted heavily,”

Felix turns to face the remaining three boys, raising his eyebrows in question. Luckily, nobody seems to have any objections, and Felix can tell the name feels comfortable to them as well. Seungmin sends them a small nod, and Jeongin grins, turning to face Chan. 

“No objection here, we like it!”

Chan scans the eyes of the group one last time, but they hold his gaze strong, unwavering. After the short confirmation, Chan lets out a shaky laugh, voice light with relief. He flops back down at his desk, tipping his head back with exhaustion. 

“Ah, thank god. I was so worried you all would hate it,”

“How could we hate it?” Jisung cries, “You made it, you made us! It’s perfect!”

Felix smiles, continuing shly. “I think it really fits. We’re all _Stray Kids_ , aren’t we? You collected me in a mall bathroom, that’s _stray_ enough for me.”

The comment punches a chuckle out of Chan, chest shaking silently. “I suppose that’s true,”

A frigid breeze wafts through the window, forcing Felix to bustle deeper in his puffer coat, burying his hands in his pockets. Outside the classroom window, the effects of winter are clear on the city. The sky is a soft cloud gray, but students still crowd the streets, thick scarves wrapped around their shoulders and fluffy earmuffs clamped over freezing ears. 

Chan clears his throat, commanding the attention of the room once again. “There is one more order of business we have to cover. On our license, I have us listed as a kpop group.”

“Kpop?” Hyunjin squeaks, startling in his seat, “Like BTS, or Blackpink or something?”

“Does that mean we’ll have to do like, dances and stuff?” Seungmin continues nervously. 

Chan sends the group a nervous smile, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. “Well we do happen to have…”

“No, nope, absolutely not,” Minho interrupts, leaning back in his chair testily, “there’s entirely no way.”

“-A bit of a seasoned dancer who happened to be on the official school team last year-”

“I wonder who that is, because you certainly couldn’t be talking about me, could you _Christopher_?” Minho counters, tone biting. 

Chan turns to face Minho, eyes already wide and begging. “Please Lino, would it really hurt that much? We’re only performing three tracks, you could whip us up some quick choreography, right?”

“It _would_ hurt that much!” Minho protests, “I can’t just pull choreography out of thin air! I haven’t danced in months!”

The sound of Changbin’s skeptical snort draws eyes across the room.

“Weren’t you just saying yesterday how much you miss dancing, and wish you were in the December showcase?” Changbin drawls, picking at the beds of his nails. 

“You’re a filthy liar, Seo Changbin,” Minho hisses, sending him a piercing glare.

“C’mon hyung,” Jisung begs innocently, “It would be a real help. What’s a kpop group without any dances? We’ll look totally stupid if we just stand there!”

It’s almost comical to see how quickly Minho’s resolve falls in front of Jisung’s round, innocent eyes. Felix is almost sure his friend is doing it on purpose, but Minho takes the bait- hook, line, and sinker. 

He sighs, running a hand through his chestnut hair in frustration. The classroom is silent as he leans back in his chair, shaking his head, before mumbling, “Yeah, okay, I suppose.”

“Yes! You’re the best Minho-ah, let’s kill this!” Chan grins, diving across the room to shake Minho’s shoulders with excitement. 

“Ah, ah! Careful with the goods!” Minho yelps, letting himself get tugged around like a ragdoll. 

Chan only bursts out laughing, clapping Minho on the shoulder good-naturedly. The sun has begun to slip in the sky, so the eight of them decide to head out for the day, packing their bags and heading for the school exit. They’re quiet as always sneaking down the stairwell, Felix using the opportunity to huddle closer to his friends. He hasn't seen the 3rd graders on the 6th floor recently, but it doesn’t stop anxiety from tightening his chest every time he enters the abandoned corridor. The schoolyard is nearly empty when they burst out the double doors, to the chorus of Jisung and Hyunjin whining about the cold temperature. The setting sun peeks through the thick winter clouds, sending a warm orange glow over the grassy field. Felix smiles, holding his hands up to his lips to blow hot air on his trembling fingers. He’s about to break into a trot to catch up with the others, when he’s suddenly jerked back by a hand clasping his own.

Changbin’s warm hand grasps his more firmly, pulling Felix back to his side. “Hi,”

“Um hi,” Felix blurts, cheeks coloring, “What are you doing?”

Changbin scoffs teasingly. “Walking.”

“What if someone sees?” 

“It’ll be fine. We can tell them- you injured your hand and I’m putting pressure on the wound,” Changbin bluffs, swinging their hands back and forth between them.

Felix grins, nudging Changin’s shoulder with his own. “How noble of you.”

“I try,” Changbin replies, smiling mischievously. 

It’s shocking to Felix how different it is to talk to Changbin sometimes. He always assumed the other boy was just cold, but Felix is slowly learning that maybe it just takes him a while to come out of his shell. Either way, smiling looks really good on Changbin. Good enough to make a fresh flurry of butterflies set off in his stomach. The others trek further across the field while Felix and Changbin linger back, shoulder pressed together and hands tangled together. 

“You know I like you, right?” Changbin’s gaze is fixed resolutely on the waning sky, but Felix can tell he’s serious in the nervous blush reddening the tip of his ears. 

“Yeah, I had an inkling,” Felix smiles.

Changbin spins to face him, mouth gaping with offense. “Yah! I’m trying to confess here!”

Felix giggles, giving Changbin’s hand a comforting squeeze. To be completely honest, he didn’t really know, and the confirmation makes his stomach set off in butterflies again. There’s something about hearing Changbin say it, the words sounding like melted honey in the freezing winter air, that makes his heart feel about a hundred times too big for his chest. 

“I’m kidding. I like you too, you know,”

A smile spreads across Changbin’s face before he can stop it, and Felix can’t help but laugh as he turns to face the sky once again, trying to keep his expression carefully blank. “I know.”

“Good,” Felix breathes, turning to face the sky as well. 

The grass crunches under their boots as they continue across the field. Changbin is still swinging their hands back and forth absentmindedly, so casually that Felix doesn’t think he even notices he’s doing it. The warmth from where they’re connected feels like it spreads through Felix’s whole body, and although his toes are freezing, and his eyes burning in the winter breeze, he barely notices. 

“Hey, where are you two lovebirds running off to?” Chan shouts from across the field. 

“Hyung, that’s so cheesy!” Jeongin whines, cupping his cheeks with mitten-bound fingers. 

Felix laughs in reply, picking up his pace to jog over to their friends. Changbing stumbles as Felix tugs him along, hands still clasped tightly together. “We’re coming!”

“You better be, Lee Felix!” Jisung declares, “After the events of today, it’s obvious you two can’t be left alone together!”

Changbin snorts, rolling his eyes as they approach. “It’s not my fault you don’t have a boyfriend. Once Minho gets his head out of his ass, you won’t be complaining.”

Minho spins around, cheeks flushed from the cold, and eyes bright with fury. 

“Aish- you!”

Felix turns to face Changbin, eyes wide with panic. “We’d better run.”

→

The walk to and from school blends together as the days pass in a blur of schoolwork and Stray Kids practice. The show is only a couple weeks away, and Felix is finally feeling the stress set in. He’s rehearsed Hellevator so many times he’s pretty sure he could rap his part during his sleep, but he’s still fumbling with the words during practice. Felix’s Korean has improved more than he could have ever expected, but he’s still struggles reciting the unfamiliar syllables to such a quick beat. Even worse, Minho's choreography has them showing up to practice every day sore and exhausted. None of them have ever attempted _dance_ before, and it shows in their clumsy movements. Felix, despite having a terrible track record with physical activity, is surprised to find himself picking it up pretty quickly. Still, it feels like a small victory when he flops down on his mattress at the end of the day with his throat horse from rapping, and thighs screaming from endless practice. 

It obviously hasn’t been easy adjusting to such a new schedule, but Felix can’t find himself to care much when the eight of them are together. They balance each other out- Chan keeps them on track, Jisung sets the mood, Jeongin keeps up the morale, they all have roles to play. It’s surprising how quick the days pass as they work themselves until they’re bone tired, left panting on the classroom floor. Before Stray Kids, Felix didn’t necessarily have an issue keeping himself occupied, there was always more work he could do on his grades or his Korean studies. Waking up early every day to make the commute to school before the sun has even risen, though, it’s different. Felix finds himself genuinely enjoying practice, enjoying performing. He doesn’t know when this became more than just a favor for Chan, but he can’t wait for the show. It’s a passion he hasn't felt since pressing the submit button on his exchange student application. 

The weather continues to chill, and Felix bundles himself in more and more layers to walk the chilly streets. Today the sun has made a rare appearance, and Felix lets himself tip back his head to bask in the soft warmth on his face. His cheeks burn in the frigid air, and he squints at the blinding sunlight peeking through the spindly branches of trees lining the street. The walk back from the bus stop is short, but Felix cherishes moments like this- Jeongin is back at school finishing up club activities, so he can spend as long as he wants strolling the quaint streets. 

Felix pauses to pull off his mittens, digging through his pockets to pick out his phone. His fingertips are blushed red as he navigates to the phone app, holding it up to his ear and humming to the droning sound of the ringtone. With a faint click, the call connects. 

“Halmeoni? It’s me, Felix,”

“Felix-ah? What a lovely surprise!” Eunmi cries, voice muffled through the phone receiver. 

Felix smiles, tipping his head back to stare at the bright sky. “How are you?”

“I’m doing well! My knees have been acting up again, but you remember Jeongin’s grandmother, she was kind enough to help me with my violas! I’ll have enough for a beautiful bouquet this year.”

“That’s great,” Felix pauses, “You’ll tell me if your knees get too bad, right?”

Eunmi scoffs, voice indignant. “Of course, who do you take me for? Now tell me, how are you young man?”

“I’m doing well! Our group, the one I told you about with my friends, we have a show! We’re going to be performing our songs!” Felix enthuses, unable to stop the grin spreading across his face. 

“Oh, well that’s just amazing, how exciting!”

“Right?” Felix continues, “and we have fans as well! We announced the show on our social media, and people are really excited. They’re actually going to come see us perform!”

“That’s wonderful Felix, I’m so proud,” Eunmi replies, and he can hear the smile in her voice.

The comment is so genuine it knocks him back for a moment with surprise. Ever since they met in Busan, Eunmi’s been so kind and supportive. They’re both aware of their situation, and all too aware that they might be jumping to conclusions. But with Eunmi’s warm, comforting voice in his ear, Felix doesn’t care. He wipes at the sudden wetness in his eyes, breath catching with gratitude. 

Eunmi must hear the hitch in his voice, so she continues gently, “And how are things with this person you told me about? The one you have feelings for?”

Felix grins down at his shoes, biting his lip to mask the sudden giggle that threatens to burst out.

“Um, good. Really good, actually. They like me too, and we’ve been spending a lot of time together. I’m really happy, halmeoni.”

“I’m so glad to hear that Felix-ah,” Eunmi murmurs, “I worry about you, you know.”

Felix laughs wetly, blinking at the biting air. “Ahh, you don’t need to do that. I can fend for myself.”

“Of course you can, darling. But maybe you don’t need to.”

Felix is lost for words, letting the comment sink in. It’s startling how much she cares, and how much it means to Felix. Just that simple phrase is enough to fill his stomach with warmth. It’s somehow terrifying, and amazing at the same time. Eunmi pauses for a moment, before filling the silence once again.

“Have you called your father?”

Felix winces, caught off guard by the question. “Um, no. I haven’t quite gotten around to it.”

“Felix....”

“I know, I know,” Felix ducks his head awkwardly, “I will. It’s just, I need this for a little bit longer.”

“I’m not going anywhere. You know this, darling,” Eunmi chides, voice warm. 

Felix sighs, breath rattling in the phone receiver. He fists clench unconsciously, cheeks burning with freeze as a cool breeze whips down the street. 

“I know,”

He unclenches his fists, flexing his hands. His palm burns where his nails have dug into the soft skin. The soft sunlight on his face, warm and smooth like honey, feels like a comforting hand. 

“So how did that neighborhood get-together go? The one you told me about last week? 

→

Eunmi signs off the call with a warm wish of good luck, and suggestion to look out for any incoming packages. The ominous message finally makes sense when he staggers into the Yang’s apartment, nearly walking into a wall while trying to unwind his thick scarf from his shoulders. Mrs. Yang is alone in the kitchen, humming as she fiddles with the rice cooker. When she sees Felix stumble into the room, cheeks flushed a bright red from the frigid weather, she peeks her head over the counter to greet him with a smile.

“Welcome home, Felix. How was your day?”

“It was great, Mrs. Yang,” Felix grins, shedding his warm coat and mittens. 

“I hope so, I worry that Hyung of yours is working you and Jeonginnie too hard,” Mrs. Yang chides as she bustles around the kitchen. “Oh before I forget, a package arrived for you today! I asked Halmeoni, she said it’s from her friend-?”

She gestures to where a small cardboard box is resting on the floor next to the shoe closet. 

“Yes! Yeah, she told me it would be arriving soon. Thank you!” Felix replies, snatching up the package and hiking his backpack higher on his shoulder. 

Mrs. Yang’s voice follows him down the hall as he races for his bedroom. “Of course… dinner will be ready in an hour!”

Felix hangs up his coat and unpacks his bag before turning to face the box placed delicately on his mattress. It’s a bit visibly worn, the cardboard peeling in places, but the address on top is written in Eunmi’s familiar scrawl. Felix approaches cautiously, peeling off the packing tape on one end to open the package. The first thing he notices is a folded piece of creamy manilla paper, “ _Felix”_ written across the front in neat print. Felix holds his breath as he unfolds the paper carefully, revealing more of Eunmi’s familiar handwriting.

_Dear Felix,_

_Since you have returned to Seoul, I’ve regretted not sending you back with this parcel. I apologize if this may seem forward, but I have some tokens I’ve kept from my daughter that I thought you might like to see. Before you worry, I’ve kept them stored away in my closet long enough, it’s due time I let them see the light of day. Especially if they could give you some of the comfort they’ve given me over the years, it’s what she would have wanted._

Felix abruptly drops the letter, letting the paper flutter down to rest on his bedsheets. He’s stunned for a moment, silently processing what Eunmi’s written. It’s hard to believe that there is a box sitting right in front of him that holds possessions belonging to the woman who may have been his mother. After her death, it had always felt like Felix’s father had tried to wipe away any notion of her presence. Felix grew up without hearing a single story, or seeing a single family photo. It almost feels too surreal to be true, as Felix lets out a shaky exhale, picking up the letter once again. 

_I packed up three of my valued possessions I received after her death. The first, is what was her favorite shawl. I gifted it to her at her middle school graduation ceremony, and she wore it for many years. Sometimes, if I focus hard enough, I feel that her scent still lingers on the fabric. Next, is my collection of postcards she sent me from Australia. I always told her I was competent enough to talk through the telephone, but I think she enjoyed the romance of letters. Finally, was her favorite necklace. My son-in-law gave it to her when he proposed, and you would scarcely see her without it._

_I hope that sending you these didn’t impose too much of a burden. I know you’ll take good care of her belongings, and maybe they can provide you with some solace._

_Sincerely,_

_Your Halmeoni_

Felix is holding his breath as he gingerly sets down the letter and reaches out for the box. He doesn’t notice his hands trembling minutely as he grips the cardboard flaps of the opening. The first thing he pulls out are the letters, a pile a couple inches thick tied together with a twine string. He recognizes the picture on top as a postcard of the Great Barrier Reef, the grainy image obviously taken in the early nineties, and the card itself wearing away at the edges. Felix softly sets the stack aside, reaching in again to feel soft cotton slip between his fingers. The shawl is a sky blue color, ordained with a delicate design of wildflowers. As Felix runs a thumb over the intricate pattern, he notices the fabric is downy and smooth in a way that only comes from years of love. Before he can stop himself, Felix is holding to shawl up to his face and inhaling deeply. It smells like dusty closets, worn books, and a faint hint of floral perfume. He lets his eyes flutter closed, wetness threatening to spill down his cheeks. 

It takes Felix a moment to compose himself before he reaches into the box for the last item. The necklace is a faded silver color, a delicate chain leading to an oval shaped locket. He runs his fingernail cautiously over the seam of the locket, but clasp doesn’t budge, and he shies away from pressing too hard on the antiquated surface. As he traces the intricate design, Felix feels an urge to bring it to his own chest. He inhales nervously before reaching up to clasp the chain around his neck, the pendant falling heavy against his sternum. The weight of it feels just right, grounding him to where he’s sat on the mattress. 

→

Felix is in shambles all day before the show. He barely makes it through his classes, stomach churning with anxiety. Nothing helps to ease his rampant nerves, except maybe the knowledge that his friends aren’t in much better shape. Hyunjin’s nibbling violently on his pencil during class, Jeongin clings to Felix’s side during lunch, Jisung is even more hyperactive than usual, and Seungmin’s got a vacant look of fear in his eyes all day. 

Mrs. Yang ends up being the one to shuttle all of them to Sinchon where their busking slot is reserved. Her neat SUV isn’t nearly large enough to hold all of them, but the boys pile in regardless, the backseat filling with lanky limbs and nervous chattering. Felix ends up half in Changbin’s lap, clinging onto the lapels of the older boy’s jacket. Once he would have been embarrassed to sit this close, but now he huddles closer, trying to sooth his nerves in the steady thump of Changbin’s heartbeat. 

From what Chan’s told them, this event is halfway between a busking show and an official performance. None of them can quite decide whether that raises or eases their collective suffocating anxiety. They’re abnormally silent on the drive over, the only sound coming from their heavy breathing and the steady ticking of the turn signal. As Mrs.Yang pulls up to the curb, Felix peers through the frosted window to notice there’s enough of a crowd that a barrier has been set up to separate the “stage” from the rest of the street. It’s so many more people than he had expected, and while most of the audience probably won’t even stay for their performance, it still makes Felix’s chest tighten with worry. There even seems to be a tent set up in the back for them to wait until the current group has finished performing. Felix cranes his head to see- they’re a handful of older street dancers performing to a trendy english song. They seem a lot more put together than what the eight of them have prepared, Felix notes, heart dropping to his stomach. He balls his hands into fists, trying to ground himself in the bite of his nails against his dry palms. This is really happening.

Changbin breaks him out of his anxious spiral, tapping him once on the thigh. “C’mon, let’s get inside.” 

They shuffle inside the tent one by one, huddling together in the winter chill. Judging by the cheers outside, they still have a bit of time until their performance. Felix worries at his bottom lip. The thought of rapping in front of all those people, sharing his lyrics, it all feels very impossible all of a sudden.

“You guys feeling ready?” Chan’s voice is a pitch higher than normal, false confidence making way to nerves. 

“Hah, no,” Jisung blurts, wincing when Minho delivers a sharp jab of his elbow to his side. 

Chan sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Okay, yeah. Me neither. I’m scared shitless. I know we’ve got this though, we’ve practiced it a million times.”

Felix lets out a shaky exhale as his friends murmur in agreement. 

“This is what we’ve been waiting for,” Chan continues, tone growing steady, “A chance to share our music with people, a chance to spread our message. I know you guys have poured your entire heart into this mixtape, and it’s time that everyone knows it. Stray Kids has something to say, and those people out there- they’re gonna hear it.”

He sends them a meaningful look, jaw clenched with determination. The intense look in his eye grounds Felix, his stomach settling for a moment. He knows that Chan’s been waiting for this moment longer than Felix could ever imagine. He feels his heart ache for their kind, hardworking leader, who had been the first to save Felix when he had felt like he was drowning in uncertainty. From the first moment they met, he knew that Chan had so much to share with the world. He’s been working tirelessly to get there, far longer than when Felix has even been in Korea, and the moment has finally arrived. This whole performance is about so much more than just Felix- they all have something to prove. As he scans the determined faces of his friends, he knows this to be true. 

The crowd breaks out into applause outside, making the eight of them startle. They’re suddenly huddled into the corner as the street dancers bustle inside, panting and shining with sweat. It dawns on Felix in a moment, the cheer of the crowd outside becoming white noise to the blood rushing in his ears, it’s time for their performance. 

Felix jolts as Minho claps him on the back, urging him towards the tent opening. He’s vaguely aware of Chan hissing instructions as they progress towards the stage, but his feet are moving on autopilot, his mind a million miles away. As they emerge, the lights of the street make him wince, a wave of neon assaulting his vision. He blinks the blurriness out of his eyes, adjusting to the crowd in front of him. The audience seems to have doubled in size, now stained with streaks of color that Felix identifies to be the glow of iphone screens and homemade signs. The buzzing in his ears quiets as a louder chant begins to tear through the biting winter air. It takes him a moment to realize the familiar words as they’re amplified across the bustling street-

“STRAY KIDS, STRAY KIDS, STRAY KIDS, STRAY KIDS!”

 _That’s our name, that’s us. There here for us,_ Felix realizes, gaping at the crowd.

He spins to face his friends, whose faces are similarly frozen in shock. None of them could have expected this- none of them even dared to dream it might happen. Felix reaches up, setting a hand on his chest to feel the slope of the locket underneath the fabric of his shirt. The feeling of the cool metal against his skin makes his frantic heartbeat settle. Next to him, Chan’s chest falls with a slow exhale, before he raises the microphone to his lips. “Hello, we are-”

“Stray Kids!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, back with another chapter! (a week after I promised it though, I've really gotta stop saying I'll have these up at a certain date) I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter though, it was a scary one to write but I'm happy with how it turned out. I'm so excited about changlix getting together and Stray Kids having their first show, I feel like a proud mom :')
> 
> I hope everyone's week has been well, I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who's started getting stressed for AP exams, so I hope this fic can be a welcome distraction! as always I love reading your comments, so feel free to let me know what you guys think. I noticed we hit 5,000 hits since last chapter- which is absolutely unbelievable! thank you all so much for the love on this fic, it really means a lot to me to be able to share my writing with so many people <3
> 
> see you all as soon as I finish the next chapter!


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